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1
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,213
Good morning, Daddy.

2
00:02:30,287 --> 00:02:32,482
Hey, Ben, how you doing, man?

3
00:02:35,092 --> 00:02:36,320
Oh, God.

4
00:02:38,295 --> 00:02:40,354
Daddy's got to get ready for work.

5
00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:42,193
Can't you stay home?

6
00:02:42,299 --> 00:02:45,291
No. I got a real big day at work today.

7
00:02:47,604 --> 00:02:48,628
Kim.

8
00:02:49,573 --> 00:02:50,938
Where's my cell phone?

9
00:02:51,041 --> 00:02:52,508
It's with my crayons.

10
00:02:52,609 --> 00:02:55,134
It's not supposed to be with the crayons.

11
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:00,677
There you go, sweetie.

12
00:03:00,784 --> 00:03:03,184
Okay, has anybody seen my beeper?

13
00:03:13,163 --> 00:03:14,528
Here it is.

14
00:03:14,798 --> 00:03:18,063
Right by the grape juice.
I wonder how it got there.

15
00:03:18,201 --> 00:03:21,762
Are those my note cards
that I've been working all night on?

16
00:03:21,872 --> 00:03:25,069
I've been up all night
and now they're all sticky.

17
00:03:26,042 --> 00:03:28,067
- Sorry, baby.
- Yeah.

18
00:03:28,545 --> 00:03:29,773
- Sorry.
- Yeah.

19
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,371
- Bye-bye.
- Yeah, I'll see you later.

20
00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:37,009
- Don't forget about the orientation today.
- The what?

21
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,452
Chapman Academy? The preschool?

22
00:03:39,556 --> 00:03:43,219
Okay. Right.
Is there any way we could reschedule that?

23
00:03:45,495 --> 00:03:46,894
Maybe we shouldn't.

24
00:03:46,997 --> 00:03:50,160
Maybe we should take care of business
and be responsible parents.

25
00:03:50,267 --> 00:03:51,529
Don't worry.

26
00:03:51,635 --> 00:03:53,535
- Don't be late.
- I will not be late.

27
00:03:53,637 --> 00:03:54,797
Promise?

28
00:03:55,605 --> 00:03:57,004
I won't be late.

29
00:03:58,642 --> 00:04:00,075
See you later.

30
00:04:00,677 --> 00:04:03,840
- Did he promise?
- He sure did.

31
00:04:07,017 --> 00:04:08,507
What's going on?

32
00:04:08,618 --> 00:04:10,381
Your worst nightmare.

33
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:11,543
What?

34
00:04:11,655 --> 00:04:13,714
Mr. Broccoli's a no-show.

35
00:04:13,890 --> 00:04:16,723
He got a call-back
on a potato chip commercial.

36
00:04:16,860 --> 00:04:20,296
- These snack foods are killing us!
- Yeah, I know.

37
00:04:20,797 --> 00:04:21,889
Marvin!

38
00:04:21,998 --> 00:04:23,056
Yeah?

39
00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:26,164
The guy who smells the mail?

40
00:04:26,937 --> 00:04:29,497
We need a guy to wear a broccoli suit,
not a normal guy.

41
00:04:29,606 --> 00:04:30,800
Marvin, my man!

42
00:04:30,907 --> 00:04:34,570
My friend, Marvin. What's going on today?
Listen, I need a favor.

43
00:04:34,678 --> 00:04:37,476
We're having a focus group
and the broccoli guy left.

44
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:40,641
I was wondering if you'd put the suit on
and cover for us?

45
00:04:40,750 --> 00:04:41,717
No.

46
00:04:43,386 --> 00:04:46,878
I can't do the broccoli
because it's just not me. Sorry.

47
00:04:48,358 --> 00:04:50,451
Can I be the carrot, though?

48
00:04:51,027 --> 00:04:52,756
Yeah, you could be the carrot.

49
00:04:52,862 --> 00:04:54,386
- Let him try your carrot on.
- No.

50
00:04:54,497 --> 00:04:56,795
- You'll be the broccoli.
- I don't want to be a bush.

51
00:04:56,900 --> 00:05:00,529
It's not a bush, it's a stalk.
A strong stalk of broccoli.

52
00:05:00,637 --> 00:05:03,071
- I'm pretty strong.
- You can make that work.

53
00:05:03,173 --> 00:05:05,937
Let's switch this suit and get the broccoli.

54
00:05:06,042 --> 00:05:07,634
Trust me on this. Let's go.

55
00:05:08,211 --> 00:05:10,873
B-R-O-C-C-O-L-I!

56
00:05:11,181 --> 00:05:13,877
I am the broccoli and don't know why!

57
00:05:14,084 --> 00:05:16,746
C-A-R-R-O and a T!

58
00:05:16,853 --> 00:05:19,822
Carrots are healthy for you and me!

59
00:05:28,665 --> 00:05:32,795
You want to do the dance?
Go Broccoli, it's your birthday!

60
00:05:32,902 --> 00:05:35,803
- Go Carrot, go Carrot, go!
- No, I don't want to.

61
00:05:35,905 --> 00:05:38,169
Hello, boys and girls!

62
00:05:38,408 --> 00:05:41,502
Zowie! Do we have
a special treat for you today!

63
00:05:43,113 --> 00:05:45,946
"Hey! We have a brand-new cereal!

64
00:05:46,283 --> 00:05:48,217
"You're the first kid..."

65
00:05:48,818 --> 00:05:49,876
Help!

66
00:05:51,488 --> 00:05:53,046
It's super yummy.

67
00:05:53,156 --> 00:05:55,249
- And loaded...
- Phil, help me.

68
00:05:55,392 --> 00:05:58,020
...with all sorts of stuff that's good for you.

69
00:05:58,128 --> 00:05:59,959
And do you know what we call it?

70
00:06:00,063 --> 00:06:02,463
Veggie-Os!

71
00:06:05,302 --> 00:06:07,293
This cereal sucks!

72
00:06:07,537 --> 00:06:08,697
They're turning on us.

73
00:06:08,805 --> 00:06:12,832
Give it a chance. Let it get in their mouth.
They got to taste it.

74
00:06:14,077 --> 00:06:15,544
Take that!

75
00:06:18,915 --> 00:06:20,405
Help me, Charlie!

76
00:06:20,517 --> 00:06:23,077
Not in the face! Save yourself, Carrot!

77
00:06:23,486 --> 00:06:26,046
Call security now. Stop that!

78
00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:33,823
I guess we better go in, Pooch.
Your Daddy will come a little later.

79
00:06:34,497 --> 00:06:35,828
Come here, let me see you.

80
00:06:44,074 --> 00:06:45,837
I am so sorry, baby.

81
00:06:45,942 --> 00:06:49,002
Things got crazy at work.
What's going on, man?

82
00:06:49,579 --> 00:06:52,013
Look at this place.
It's Princeton for preschoolers.

83
00:06:52,115 --> 00:06:54,640
Let's hurry up
so we won't be late for the orientation.

84
00:06:54,751 --> 00:06:56,184
What's the orientation about?

85
00:06:56,286 --> 00:06:59,221
It's a preschool,
they'll be playing with blocks, right?

86
00:07:07,530 --> 00:07:08,963
Unbelievable.

87
00:07:09,432 --> 00:07:12,924
Language skills are a critical component
here at Chapman.

88
00:07:13,036 --> 00:07:15,061
They're part of our core curriculum.

89
00:07:15,171 --> 00:07:16,604
You must be Charles.

90
00:07:16,706 --> 00:07:19,072
- Call me Charlie. Nice to meet you.
- How do you do?

91
00:07:19,175 --> 00:07:20,540
- This is my wife, Kim.
- Hi.

92
00:07:20,643 --> 00:07:23,612
Kimberly. I'm Miss Harridan,
the headmistress.

93
00:07:23,713 --> 00:07:25,203
And this is Ben.

94
00:07:25,315 --> 00:07:27,283
How do you do, Benjamin?

95
00:07:27,951 --> 00:07:31,148
- Come on, little man.
- It's a pleasure to meet you.

96
00:07:31,721 --> 00:07:33,188
Shall we begin?

97
00:07:33,656 --> 00:07:36,124
- Look at their outfits. I like that.
- They're cute.

98
00:07:37,260 --> 00:07:40,457
We find uniforms reinforce
the sense of structure.

99
00:07:40,997 --> 00:07:42,794
Structure's good.

100
00:07:43,299 --> 00:07:46,757
Our philosophy is that
a child is like a climbing vine.

101
00:07:46,936 --> 00:07:50,565
With structure to cling to,
and the right gardener to tend them...

102
00:07:50,673 --> 00:07:52,470
they'll grow to the sky.

103
00:07:54,844 --> 00:07:56,869
- Sorry.
- So, Mrs. Hinton...

104
00:07:57,180 --> 00:07:59,148
you're returning to work?

105
00:07:59,649 --> 00:08:01,879
Lawyer, I believe your file said.

106
00:08:02,452 --> 00:08:04,613
Actually, I haven't practiced yet.

107
00:08:04,721 --> 00:08:07,588
We just had Ben when I finished law school.

108
00:08:07,891 --> 00:08:10,052
Still a little nervous about leaving him.

109
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:13,288
All mothers are. But you needn't worry.

110
00:08:13,630 --> 00:08:16,565
Our little seedlings are in very good hands.

111
00:08:17,734 --> 00:08:19,964
- Turn the darn phone off.
- It's off.

112
00:08:20,069 --> 00:08:21,559
And attack!

113
00:08:22,038 --> 00:08:23,801
Now mark your books, number five.

114
00:08:23,907 --> 00:08:27,001
Cat is to mouse as frog is to...

115
00:08:27,143 --> 00:08:29,236
Are they doing SAT prep?

116
00:08:29,379 --> 00:08:31,370
It's never too early to start.

117
00:08:32,248 --> 00:08:34,273
- Nest.
- That's right. Nest.

118
00:08:37,187 --> 00:08:41,146
- I thought you turned your phone off.
- It's not my phone, it's my two-way.

119
00:08:43,693 --> 00:08:45,183
This is bad.

120
00:08:47,197 --> 00:08:48,459
Go ahead.

121
00:08:48,565 --> 00:08:50,499
Okay. Thank you, baby.

122
00:08:51,067 --> 00:08:54,503
I am terribly sorry.
I have an emergency at work. I gotta go.

123
00:08:54,604 --> 00:08:56,595
- I understand.
- I'm sorry.

124
00:08:56,940 --> 00:08:58,237
Hey, little man.

125
00:08:58,341 --> 00:09:01,333
Daddy's got to get going,
but I'll see you later on, okay?

126
00:09:01,444 --> 00:09:02,843
You want to do the rocket ship?

127
00:09:02,946 --> 00:09:04,777
Let's do the rocket ship.

128
00:09:16,125 --> 00:09:17,558
Sorry about all the noise.

129
00:09:17,660 --> 00:09:19,423
Here you go. Go to Mommy.

130
00:09:19,529 --> 00:09:22,430
I'll see you later. Thank you for your time.

131
00:09:23,299 --> 00:09:26,427
I'm so sorry.
He's trying out a new product at work.

132
00:09:27,504 --> 00:09:31,201
No need to apologize.
Diligence always sets a fine example.

133
00:09:31,574 --> 00:09:33,838
Jenny. Just in time.

134
00:09:34,444 --> 00:09:36,810
Here's a copy of our curriculum...

135
00:09:36,913 --> 00:09:39,677
and a list of your financial obligations.

136
00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:41,911
This is the price per year?

137
00:09:42,018 --> 00:09:43,246
Per month.

138
00:09:46,422 --> 00:09:49,152
- Ben is starting preschool today.
- Where at?

139
00:09:49,259 --> 00:09:50,726
Over at that Chapman Academy.

140
00:09:50,827 --> 00:09:53,694
The Marine Corps of day care.
Max goes there.

141
00:09:54,497 --> 00:09:56,590
Really? What do you think of that place?

142
00:09:56,699 --> 00:09:59,862
There isn't much choice.
You got Harridan and her merry fembots...

143
00:09:59,969 --> 00:10:03,530
or Idiot von Idiot and their School
for Children Who Like Accidents.

144
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,734
Numbers just came in
for Chocolatey Chocolate Balls.

145
00:10:06,843 --> 00:10:08,140
Through the roof!

146
00:10:08,244 --> 00:10:10,940
That's a surprise. You hear that?
Kids like chocolate.

147
00:10:11,047 --> 00:10:12,173
Ice cream, too.

148
00:10:12,282 --> 00:10:16,378
I forgot I was talking to the granola-heads
from the natural food division.

149
00:10:16,486 --> 00:10:18,317
What was the stinker you got saddled with?

150
00:10:18,421 --> 00:10:21,913
It's not a stinker.
It's Veggie-Os, the cereal of the future.

151
00:10:22,025 --> 00:10:24,687
Right, Veggie-blows.
I thought they were killing that.

152
00:10:25,595 --> 00:10:26,755
Jerry!

153
00:10:27,630 --> 00:10:30,758
The numbers on the Chocolatey Chocolate
Balls are through the roof!

154
00:10:30,867 --> 00:10:32,528
What does he mean, "killing that"?

155
00:10:32,635 --> 00:10:36,298
Why you listening to Bruce?
Nothing's being killed. He's a clown.

156
00:10:36,406 --> 00:10:38,499
If something was going down, we'd know.

157
00:10:38,975 --> 00:10:40,135
We're killing it.

158
00:10:40,243 --> 00:10:43,974
Come on, Jim. We had one bad test.
It's a hard nut to crack.

159
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:47,072
Any fool can sell
Chocolatey Chocolate Balls...

160
00:10:47,183 --> 00:10:49,583
and cotton candy-flavored cereal to kids.

161
00:10:49,686 --> 00:10:52,416
Cotton candy. That's not bad.

162
00:10:53,222 --> 00:10:56,521
Guys, look. I'm sorry, but it was a dog.

163
00:10:56,659 --> 00:11:00,117
Kids just don't want to eat vegetables
for breakfast. Who knew?

164
00:11:00,229 --> 00:11:03,494
I told you that six months ago
when you put us on this project.

165
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:04,589
You did?

166
00:11:05,735 --> 00:11:08,101
It's not just Veggie-Os.

167
00:11:08,204 --> 00:11:10,832
We're shutting down
the whole health division.

168
00:11:10,940 --> 00:11:12,339
That's like 300 people.

169
00:11:12,442 --> 00:11:14,307
It's not a business we want to be in.

170
00:11:14,410 --> 00:11:16,401
Where are we being reassigned?

171
00:11:21,050 --> 00:11:24,144
Pooch, how was your first day at school?

172
00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:26,046
Okay.

173
00:11:26,456 --> 00:11:27,718
Just okay?

174
00:11:27,824 --> 00:11:29,917
I don't know anybody there.

175
00:11:30,093 --> 00:11:33,324
Give it some time. You'll make some friends.

176
00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:35,788
How was your day, baby?

177
00:11:35,898 --> 00:11:37,559
I lost my J-O-B.

178
00:11:38,134 --> 00:11:39,863
You lost your J-O-B?

179
00:11:40,169 --> 00:11:42,069
I got F-l-R-E-D.

180
00:11:42,538 --> 00:11:43,971
Me and 300 other people.

181
00:11:44,073 --> 00:11:45,506
They cannot do that!

182
00:11:45,608 --> 00:11:49,567
- Can't Jim Fields do something?
- He's the one that pulled the trigger.

183
00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:51,010
He's not gonna do anything.

184
00:11:51,114 --> 00:11:53,708
When I found out it was him,
I told him to take a flying...

185
00:11:53,816 --> 00:11:54,908
Charlie!

186
00:11:57,920 --> 00:11:59,911
H-l-J-K-L-M-N-O-P.

187
00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:03,217
Don't worry about this.

188
00:12:03,326 --> 00:12:06,386
I'm in demand,
and I'll have a new job in a week.

189
00:12:12,969 --> 00:12:15,369
What if we use the emergency fund?

190
00:12:16,439 --> 00:12:19,499
We can't.
We already used it on the car payment.

191
00:12:23,179 --> 00:12:24,942
There's no way around it.

192
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,573
We gotta pull Ben out of Chapman.
It's too much money.

193
00:12:27,684 --> 00:12:29,743
What will we do for child-care?

194
00:12:29,852 --> 00:12:34,255
- Are you gonna stay home with him?
- No, I'm not gonna stay home with him.

195
00:12:34,357 --> 00:12:37,292
We just gotta find something
more affordable, that's all.

196
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:40,859
- This is the right address.
- You gotta be kidding me.

197
00:12:40,963 --> 00:12:44,421
- We can at least check it out.
- Ben is not going here.

198
00:12:44,534 --> 00:12:46,399
Looks can be deceiving. I'll go look.

199
00:12:46,502 --> 00:12:49,494
Looks can be deceiving?
We're in a trailer park!

200
00:12:52,108 --> 00:12:54,008
I'm looking for the preschool.

201
00:12:54,677 --> 00:12:56,008
Yes, it is.

202
00:12:58,047 --> 00:12:59,480
Welcome to the...

203
00:13:02,819 --> 00:13:03,843
Sorry.

204
00:13:03,953 --> 00:13:06,581
Welcome to the Touch of Eden Preschool.

205
00:13:06,689 --> 00:13:09,658
- Can I help you?
- No, thank you.

206
00:13:12,562 --> 00:13:16,293
- Is this the right address, here?
- I think so.

207
00:13:18,768 --> 00:13:21,828
We keep the children right around here.

208
00:13:29,178 --> 00:13:30,645
Go ahead. After you, ma'am.

209
00:13:30,747 --> 00:13:31,805
Okay.

210
00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:37,848
- Where'd you get this address?
- You picked this place.

211
00:13:37,954 --> 00:13:39,546
We should report this to somebody.

212
00:13:43,025 --> 00:13:45,050
That's what I'm talking about.

213
00:13:45,428 --> 00:13:48,056
I knew there had to be
at least one decent place.

214
00:13:48,164 --> 00:13:49,893
It looks all right.

215
00:13:52,635 --> 00:13:54,000
This is the police.

216
00:13:54,103 --> 00:13:55,968
We have you surrounded.

217
00:14:01,978 --> 00:14:04,538
All right, Charlie. Give up the keys.

218
00:14:05,348 --> 00:14:06,781
I don't know where the keys are.

219
00:14:06,883 --> 00:14:08,510
Don't even try it.

220
00:14:09,552 --> 00:14:13,147
- Why don't you drive the minivan?
- No. We talked about this last night.

221
00:14:13,256 --> 00:14:16,282
You're staying home with Ben.
I'm driving the Mercedes.

222
00:14:17,326 --> 00:14:21,456
You have me driving around town
in the dumb minivan all day.

223
00:14:21,697 --> 00:14:23,164
Is the top down?

224
00:14:23,633 --> 00:14:25,396
You know what, Kim?

225
00:14:26,636 --> 00:14:29,230
Be careful. Don't just park it anyplace.

226
00:14:29,338 --> 00:14:33,035
Be careful getting in and out of the car.
Don't get any dings in the door.

227
00:14:33,142 --> 00:14:34,234
Come here.

228
00:14:34,343 --> 00:14:37,744
Make sure you put good gas in there.
If you put in the cheap stuff...

229
00:14:37,847 --> 00:14:40,475
the engine will start knocking,
and I don't want that.

230
00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:43,609
You don't leave milk in the car
with the windows rolled up.

231
00:14:43,719 --> 00:14:45,243
Always buckle up the car seat.

232
00:14:45,354 --> 00:14:48,016
Don't park in the sun
or the seats will get too hot.

233
00:14:48,124 --> 00:14:50,217
And no juice unless it's in a sippy cup.

234
00:14:50,326 --> 00:14:51,657
Bye, baby.

235
00:14:52,361 --> 00:14:55,660
Can you give a call,
tell us what time you'll be back?

236
00:14:56,599 --> 00:14:59,363
Because we'll be here waiting,
just the two of us.

237
00:14:59,468 --> 00:15:01,663
Bye, Mom.

238
00:15:02,672 --> 00:15:04,105
Not too fast!

239
00:15:04,607 --> 00:15:05,835
See you later.

240
00:15:08,778 --> 00:15:11,076
When's Mommy coming back?

241
00:15:11,380 --> 00:15:14,110
She'll be back around dinnertime, Mommy.

242
00:15:15,017 --> 00:15:17,417
Is dinnertime soon?

243
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:21,583
No, but don't you worry.
We're going to have a lot of fun.

244
00:15:22,258 --> 00:15:25,284
But we need Mommy to have fun.

245
00:15:29,398 --> 00:15:31,923
Are you trying
to just break me down in the driveway?

246
00:15:32,034 --> 00:15:34,832
- Why you want to break your father down?
- I'm sorry.

247
00:15:34,937 --> 00:15:37,201
That's better. You broke me down smooth.

248
00:15:37,306 --> 00:15:39,069
- My eyes welled up.
- I'm sorry.

249
00:15:39,175 --> 00:15:40,972
- You made my eyes well up.
- Okay, let's...

250
00:15:41,077 --> 00:15:43,443
- Look at my eyes.
- I see your eye twitching.

251
00:15:43,546 --> 00:15:45,275
We're going to have fun!

252
00:16:03,799 --> 00:16:05,323
Do you know how to change a diaper?

253
00:16:05,635 --> 00:16:08,263
Yes, but I thought Max was potty-trained.

254
00:16:09,405 --> 00:16:10,565
Believe me, so did I.

255
00:16:10,673 --> 00:16:12,800
Don't do that to me! What are you...

256
00:16:12,909 --> 00:16:15,139
He's throwing things at me, and it smells.

257
00:16:15,244 --> 00:16:16,905
I really need your help!

258
00:16:19,749 --> 00:16:22,115
- Are you potty-trained?
- Yes.

259
00:16:24,587 --> 00:16:26,020
You got to go stinky?

260
00:16:26,122 --> 00:16:27,054
Yes.

261
00:16:27,156 --> 00:16:29,351
Then, go on. Go stinky, then.

262
00:16:34,096 --> 00:16:38,499
You have a nauseous ache in your stomach
that you're a worthless failure?

263
00:16:40,036 --> 00:16:42,061
We are worthless failures.

264
00:16:42,471 --> 00:16:43,529
Hey, guys.

265
00:16:43,639 --> 00:16:45,607
- Hey, Peggy. How you doing?
- Good.

266
00:16:45,708 --> 00:16:47,300
What's going on, Nicky?

267
00:16:50,279 --> 00:16:52,645
He can be a little hard
to understand sometimes.

268
00:16:53,616 --> 00:16:55,641
Honey, go play. Have a good time, have fun.

269
00:16:55,751 --> 00:16:57,946
Stay away from that cat poop.

270
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:01,283
- Hija? What'd he just say?
- God, I haven't a clue.

271
00:17:01,390 --> 00:17:04,086
The doctor says it's just a phase, but...

272
00:17:04,193 --> 00:17:06,252
It kept him out of Chapman.

273
00:17:06,362 --> 00:17:07,522
Jerks.

274
00:17:10,099 --> 00:17:11,657
Put that mouse down!

275
00:17:13,836 --> 00:17:15,064
Give it to me!

276
00:17:16,038 --> 00:17:17,596
What are you...

277
00:17:19,041 --> 00:17:22,238
Charlie, I think it's great,
you guys being full-time dads.

278
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,609
We're real giants among men.

279
00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:28,782
You are. You should be proud.
Most guys don't know who their kids are.

280
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:30,876
Joe still hasn't found anything?

281
00:17:30,987 --> 00:17:32,887
No, and he's driving me crazy.

282
00:17:33,522 --> 00:17:35,922
I should go back to work,
but what about Nicky?

283
00:17:36,025 --> 00:17:37,424
Dead mouse.

284
00:17:37,526 --> 00:17:39,790
There's no good alternative to Chapman.

285
00:17:54,043 --> 00:17:57,911
If someone opened a decent day care
program here, they'd make a killing.

286
00:17:58,014 --> 00:18:00,778
Nicky, what did I say about the cat poop?

287
00:18:25,674 --> 00:18:26,766
What?

288
00:18:27,209 --> 00:18:28,733
A day care center? You and me?

289
00:18:28,844 --> 00:18:33,304
It's a completely underserved market.
Harridan has a monopoly on this suburb.

290
00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:35,247
All we have to do is come in...

291
00:18:35,351 --> 00:18:38,548
establish ourselves as the value alternative,
and we'll clean up!

292
00:18:38,654 --> 00:18:41,418
- You think I'd be good at child-care?
- Absolutely.

293
00:18:41,524 --> 00:18:43,822
Excuse me? Are these your kids?

294
00:18:45,227 --> 00:18:46,194
No.

295
00:18:48,097 --> 00:18:51,760
- Remember when you broke my yo-yo?
- I did not break your yo-yo.

296
00:18:51,867 --> 00:18:54,199
- Yes, you did.
- I did not break your yo-yo.

297
00:18:54,303 --> 00:18:55,736
Your yo-yo was broke.

298
00:18:55,838 --> 00:18:59,330
You're killing me. You're really killing me.

299
00:19:06,449 --> 00:19:07,746
I'm home!

300
00:19:19,495 --> 00:19:22,464
- You said let's do this together.
- No, Daddy!

301
00:19:22,698 --> 00:19:24,325
What's going on here?

302
00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:32,907
A day care center. In our house?

303
00:19:33,008 --> 00:19:36,000
Yes, Phil's apartment's only
a two-bedroom place.

304
00:19:36,112 --> 00:19:38,546
This is crazy on 10 different levels.

305
00:19:38,647 --> 00:19:40,706
What do you both know about
running a day care?

306
00:19:40,816 --> 00:19:42,306
It's not rocket science.

307
00:19:42,418 --> 00:19:45,216
We applied for a license.
It couldn't be any more simple.

308
00:19:45,321 --> 00:19:48,347
- Daddy.
- What you want? The rocket ship?

309
00:19:51,861 --> 00:19:53,852
- That's what you wanted, right?
- Milk.

310
00:19:53,963 --> 00:19:56,659
You wanted milk? I'm sorry. He wanted milk.

311
00:19:56,765 --> 00:20:01,395
Rocket man needs milk when he's flying.
It's for strong bones, in case you crash.

312
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:04,371
We understand each other.
What you think about this?

313
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:09,334
We're talking about other people's kids.
Do you understand that responsibility?

314
00:20:09,445 --> 00:20:12,505
I'll be just as careful with them
as I am with Ben.

315
00:20:12,615 --> 00:20:16,642
Don't be rubbing your head into stuff.
Watch where you're walking.

316
00:20:16,886 --> 00:20:20,219
What about when you get a real job?
Just leave the parents hanging?

317
00:20:20,322 --> 00:20:23,120
We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

318
00:20:24,393 --> 00:20:25,951
It won't be permanent.

319
00:20:26,061 --> 00:20:29,394
We won't get rich from this,
but it might keep us out of bankruptcy.

320
00:20:29,498 --> 00:20:31,932
- I don't know, Charlie.
- Come on, Kim.

321
00:20:32,034 --> 00:20:34,764
I can't just sit around here.
I got to try to do something.

322
00:20:34,870 --> 00:20:36,895
Come on. I need this.

323
00:20:39,208 --> 00:20:42,006
I guess you better start
handing out those fliers.

324
00:20:42,111 --> 00:20:43,237
All right.

325
00:20:43,612 --> 00:20:45,603
- It makes much more sense...
- Me, too.

326
00:20:45,714 --> 00:20:48,274
Okay, you want me to give you a hug?

327
00:20:48,817 --> 00:20:50,648
Here's a big hug. Group hug.

328
00:20:58,594 --> 00:21:00,994
Excuse me. When you get a chance...

329
00:21:23,085 --> 00:21:24,916
Here you go, Daddy Day Care.

330
00:21:25,020 --> 00:21:28,251
Hey, little karate guy.
Daddy Day Care, karate girl.

331
00:21:28,457 --> 00:21:30,516
Hello! Daddy Day Care.

332
00:21:30,793 --> 00:21:32,317
Hello, how are you?

333
00:21:40,636 --> 00:21:42,797
Here you go. If you get a chance...

334
00:21:52,147 --> 00:21:55,207
When you get a chance,
have a look at that. Thank you.

335
00:21:55,317 --> 00:21:58,343
If it's not too much trouble,
when you get a chance...

336
00:22:07,963 --> 00:22:10,488
"Warm, nurturing, experienced parents...

337
00:22:10,599 --> 00:22:14,797
"providing exceptional child-care
at affordable prices."

338
00:22:16,038 --> 00:22:19,166
The "experienced" part
is what I have to take issue with.

339
00:22:24,747 --> 00:22:25,907
I give it three days.

340
00:22:27,182 --> 00:22:29,878
You two guys are running
a day care center?

341
00:22:29,985 --> 00:22:33,421
You're signing up people
at a lemonade stand on the front lawn?

342
00:22:35,157 --> 00:22:37,421
Good luck with that. Come on, Paul.

343
00:22:38,294 --> 00:22:41,388
Wait. Don't you believe in equality
amongst the sexes?

344
00:22:41,497 --> 00:22:43,727
Can't men do everything women can do?

345
00:22:44,433 --> 00:22:46,765
No, we can't. It's unnatural.

346
00:22:48,237 --> 00:22:49,761
Little bit eeky.

347
00:22:50,072 --> 00:22:51,232
You're guys?

348
00:22:51,340 --> 00:22:53,331
What did you think Daddy Day Care meant?

349
00:22:53,442 --> 00:22:56,002
I thought maybe one guy. Not only guys.

350
00:22:56,111 --> 00:22:57,669
I just thought it was a clever name.

351
00:22:57,780 --> 00:23:00,476
- Is this the day care place?
- They're all guys.

352
00:23:00,582 --> 00:23:01,640
They're what?

353
00:23:01,750 --> 00:23:05,686
Excuse me. Listen.
We are two loving, caring parents.

354
00:23:05,788 --> 00:23:07,187
We run a day care center.

355
00:23:07,289 --> 00:23:09,223
You're a couple of sickos!

356
00:23:09,325 --> 00:23:11,691
How about a free trial offer?

357
00:23:12,094 --> 00:23:13,220
Sickos!

358
00:23:14,596 --> 00:23:16,928
- Oh, dear.
- Come on!

359
00:23:18,567 --> 00:23:20,967
Hi, Peggy! Hi, Nicky. How you doing?

360
00:23:21,070 --> 00:23:23,504
Nicky is so excited for his big day.

361
00:23:23,605 --> 00:23:26,335
- How old are you? Oh, yeah, five.
- I got it.

362
00:23:26,442 --> 00:23:29,275
Wait. You're leaving Nicky here
with these guys?

363
00:23:30,112 --> 00:23:33,172
You have trouble with them being guys?
Are you from the Dark Ages?

364
00:23:33,282 --> 00:23:35,648
Aren't you for gender equality
and all that jazz?

365
00:23:35,751 --> 00:23:38,185
Peggy, come on. Of course we are.

366
00:23:38,287 --> 00:23:41,017
So can't women do what men do
and men do what women do?

367
00:23:41,123 --> 00:23:42,750
These guys can do the job.

368
00:23:42,858 --> 00:23:46,487
- You'll vouch for these two?
- Yeah, I'll vouch for them.

369
00:23:48,731 --> 00:23:50,289
- I'll try it.
- You're doing it?

370
00:23:50,399 --> 00:23:52,264
They'll have a great time.

371
00:23:52,368 --> 00:23:53,460
- Okay.
- Right, kids?

372
00:23:53,569 --> 00:23:55,230
You're a real lifesaver.

373
00:23:55,604 --> 00:23:58,835
You screw this up,
I'll kill you with my bare hands.

374
00:23:59,942 --> 00:24:03,275
- Here, now, go to Phil.
- No, I don't want to go.

375
00:24:03,379 --> 00:24:05,404
- Come on. Let go.
- I don't want to go!

376
00:24:05,514 --> 00:24:08,415
He's got a little bit of separation anxiety.

377
00:24:09,818 --> 00:24:11,877
- Dylan!
- I don't want to go!

378
00:24:13,522 --> 00:24:16,320
- I just stopped breastfeeding.
- I'd freak out, too.

379
00:24:16,425 --> 00:24:18,825
- Lf you could grab a leg.
- I don't want to go.

380
00:24:18,927 --> 00:24:20,519
- All right.
- Here we go.

381
00:24:20,996 --> 00:24:22,896
- Here we go.
- Come on, Dylan.

382
00:24:22,998 --> 00:24:25,364
- All right, sweetie.
- I don't want to go.

383
00:24:27,236 --> 00:24:29,796
Come on. Let go of Mom!

384
00:24:32,174 --> 00:24:34,233
Thank you. Oh, man.

385
00:24:34,343 --> 00:24:38,211
- No lactose, no peanuts, no shellfish.
- Nothing high in fructose.

386
00:24:38,313 --> 00:24:41,942
- Or sucrose or dextrose.
- Or maltodextrose.

387
00:24:42,050 --> 00:24:45,383
- Nothing with red dye number six.
- Or number four.

388
00:24:45,487 --> 00:24:48,320
Or yellow dye number two.

389
00:24:48,424 --> 00:24:51,655
Will you say "maltodextrose" for me again?
So cute.

390
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:53,591
Maltodextrose.

391
00:24:55,664 --> 00:24:58,792
- Or yellow dye number two.
- Two, right.

392
00:24:58,901 --> 00:25:00,300
His name's Crispin.

393
00:25:00,402 --> 00:25:01,767
My man, Crispin!

394
00:25:01,870 --> 00:25:03,531
How's it going, big guy?

395
00:25:07,509 --> 00:25:08,976
What time's pickup?

396
00:25:09,077 --> 00:25:10,567
At 5:00.

397
00:25:11,213 --> 00:25:13,511
I have laser treatment. Make it 6:00.

398
00:25:13,615 --> 00:25:16,015
Sorry about the outfit. He won't take it off.

399
00:25:16,118 --> 00:25:17,813
How long has he been wearing that?

400
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:19,251
Couple of weeks.

401
00:25:20,022 --> 00:25:22,547
Who will you call if there are any problems?

402
00:25:22,658 --> 00:25:24,023
911, Mommy.

403
00:25:24,226 --> 00:25:26,217
That's such a good girl.

404
00:25:27,296 --> 00:25:30,356
Come on. I'll let you hold my keys.

405
00:25:30,466 --> 00:25:32,866
How about a Life Saver?
You like Life Savers?

406
00:25:32,968 --> 00:25:35,368
How about money? A dollar?

407
00:25:39,241 --> 00:25:40,503
A dollar.

408
00:25:41,043 --> 00:25:44,206
You are a smart man. That is yours.
All right.

409
00:25:46,181 --> 00:25:47,614
Welcome to Daddy Day Care.

410
00:25:47,716 --> 00:25:51,277
We're your team facilitators.
My name is Charlie and this is Phil.

411
00:25:51,787 --> 00:25:54,312
Anybody ever seen
a mission statement before?

412
00:25:54,423 --> 00:25:58,223
Here. Everybody take one.
Take a mission statement.

413
00:25:58,327 --> 00:26:00,818
Here we go. One for everybody. Slow down.

414
00:26:00,929 --> 00:26:02,590
All right. Okay.

415
00:26:02,965 --> 00:26:06,332
Who wants to be first one
to read the first sentence...

416
00:26:06,435 --> 00:26:08,403
on the mission statement?

417
00:26:09,171 --> 00:26:10,832
Okay, how about you?

418
00:26:10,939 --> 00:26:12,634
I don't read yet.

419
00:26:13,075 --> 00:26:14,804
I'm looking for someone who can read.

420
00:26:14,910 --> 00:26:18,778
By a show of hands,
how many of you can already read?

421
00:26:20,682 --> 00:26:24,243
Raise your hand
if you don't know how to read.

422
00:26:25,954 --> 00:26:27,854
Here's what we'll do.

423
00:26:27,956 --> 00:26:30,186
I'll read the mission statement aloud...

424
00:26:30,292 --> 00:26:34,285
and what I want you guys to do
is just follow along as I read it.

425
00:26:35,330 --> 00:26:38,197
Doesn't that sound like interesting fun?
Here we go.

426
00:26:38,300 --> 00:26:42,634
"As the members and facilitators
of the Daddy Day Care team...

427
00:26:42,871 --> 00:26:45,738
"we will collectively strive to provide..."

428
00:26:45,841 --> 00:26:49,902
Sean, don't eat the mission statement.
Get that out of your mouth.

429
00:26:50,012 --> 00:26:52,037
"...will collectively strive to..."

430
00:26:52,147 --> 00:26:56,607
Don't rip the mission statement, Little Flash.
It's an important document.

431
00:26:59,054 --> 00:27:00,487
Come back here!

432
00:27:02,224 --> 00:27:04,556
What he's really trying to say is...

433
00:27:12,534 --> 00:27:13,933
Stop running!

434
00:27:14,770 --> 00:27:16,067
Come here.

435
00:27:18,473 --> 00:27:20,168
You want the rocket ship?

436
00:27:21,743 --> 00:27:24,337
- One more?
- Rocket ship!

437
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:28,681
Everybody'll get the rocket ship.
Slow down, everybody.

438
00:27:30,686 --> 00:27:34,349
- I thought you said this would be easy.
- You know what I'm thinking now?

439
00:27:34,456 --> 00:27:36,424
This was a huge mistake.

440
00:27:36,525 --> 00:27:40,962
I never quit anything in life,
but I'm not sure if I can take this.

441
00:27:41,730 --> 00:27:43,891
- I'll be right back.
- Where you going?

442
00:27:43,999 --> 00:27:46,593
- Help me do the rocket ship.
- Trust me.

443
00:27:53,108 --> 00:27:56,407
Four absent children. No explanation.

444
00:27:56,511 --> 00:27:58,376
Maybe it's just a coincidence.

445
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:02,644
In a group this size,
three absent children is a coincidence.

446
00:28:02,884 --> 00:28:05,114
Four is a statistical anomaly.

447
00:28:08,657 --> 00:28:09,146
Hello, Santa Luma!

448
00:28:09,224 --> 00:28:10,248
Hello, Santa Luma!

449
00:28:11,893 --> 00:28:14,987
Everybody! It's Big Phil with a guitar!

450
00:28:15,097 --> 00:28:18,624
Why don't you guys enjoy Big Phil
while I rest my spine?

451
00:28:19,234 --> 00:28:21,293
Max, bring your dad a chair.

452
00:28:23,705 --> 00:28:25,400
They really like that rocket ship.

453
00:28:25,507 --> 00:28:27,600
When I was a small boy

454
00:28:29,077 --> 00:28:30,840
at the age of five

455
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:33,770
my mama said

456
00:28:35,684 --> 00:28:37,618
I'd be the greatest man alive

457
00:28:38,654 --> 00:28:39,916
I'm a man

458
00:28:42,190 --> 00:28:43,953
I'm a full-grown man

459
00:28:45,594 --> 00:28:47,061
I'm a fat man

460
00:28:49,798 --> 00:28:51,891
Hey, come on into the kitchen.

461
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,299
Put the lime in the coconut
and drink 'em all up

462
00:28:55,404 --> 00:28:58,635
put the lime in the coconut, drink 'em all up

463
00:28:58,740 --> 00:29:01,937
put the lime in the coconut
you drink 'em all up

464
00:29:02,711 --> 00:29:05,976
I say, "Doctor,
ain't there nothing I can take?"

465
00:29:06,081 --> 00:29:08,914
I say, "Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?"

466
00:29:09,184 --> 00:29:10,742
I say, "Doctor..."

467
00:29:10,852 --> 00:29:13,753
Like a rhinestone cowboy

468
00:29:15,724 --> 00:29:17,658
Riding out on a horse

469
00:29:17,759 --> 00:29:21,024
in a star-spangled rodeo

470
00:29:22,531 --> 00:29:25,728
Hava nagila, hava nagila

471
00:29:25,834 --> 00:29:27,665
Hava nagila

472
00:29:30,439 --> 00:29:33,067
I am definitely out of songs.

473
00:29:33,575 --> 00:29:35,099
Lunchtime.

474
00:29:42,584 --> 00:29:45,018
I don't know
if we should be feeding them this stuff.

475
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,315
Why not? Look at them. They love it.

476
00:29:52,060 --> 00:29:53,721
Yeah, but I'm a little worried.

477
00:29:53,829 --> 00:29:55,160
About what?

478
00:30:01,369 --> 00:30:02,393
911.

479
00:30:03,238 --> 00:30:04,762
He tore off his head!

480
00:30:05,574 --> 00:30:08,270
Crispin stole my doll. I need help.

481
00:30:11,646 --> 00:30:13,113
Come on!

482
00:30:13,415 --> 00:30:16,441
You know how old this piano is?
Keep your feet off the piano.

483
00:30:16,551 --> 00:30:19,543
Get your shoes off the couch.
Get them off the couch!

484
00:30:22,991 --> 00:30:24,549
Crispin. Please!

485
00:30:25,494 --> 00:30:27,018
Give me the...

486
00:30:27,796 --> 00:30:30,230
The meat ain't the only fresh thing
around here.

487
00:30:30,332 --> 00:30:32,493
Don't play with that. Give me this.

488
00:30:38,106 --> 00:30:39,903
Leave it alone, okay?

489
00:30:56,625 --> 00:30:58,252
All right.

490
00:30:59,094 --> 00:31:01,062
You get off those drapes.

491
00:31:01,997 --> 00:31:04,591
Stop climbing the drapes. You stop it.

492
00:31:04,733 --> 00:31:06,223
You come here!

493
00:31:09,037 --> 00:31:10,436
Give me the vase!

494
00:31:10,539 --> 00:31:12,166
Put down the vase!

495
00:31:18,113 --> 00:31:20,775
Tomorrow, we give them all organic.

496
00:31:21,850 --> 00:31:23,408
Don't worry, it'll be okay.

497
00:31:23,518 --> 00:31:25,509
How can you say that? Look at this.

498
00:31:25,620 --> 00:31:27,178
What goes up...

499
00:31:48,577 --> 00:31:49,908
You guys are good.

500
00:31:50,011 --> 00:31:53,174
What do you expect?
You left your kids with professionals.

501
00:31:56,418 --> 00:31:58,386
Sorry to leave you hanging.

502
00:31:58,486 --> 00:32:01,182
Since we got laid off,
Sheila's made me make dinner.

503
00:32:01,289 --> 00:32:02,984
Really? How's that going?

504
00:32:04,059 --> 00:32:05,424
It ain't napping.

505
00:32:05,527 --> 00:32:08,496
- Can I take these snack cakes home?
- Go ahead.

506
00:32:11,066 --> 00:32:13,057
How you doing, little man?

507
00:32:13,702 --> 00:32:15,465
That's how you doing?

508
00:32:16,137 --> 00:32:17,729
Excuse me a second.

509
00:32:21,243 --> 00:32:23,211
Give me that. That's too loud.

510
00:32:23,311 --> 00:32:25,040
Let go, it's too loud.

511
00:32:25,146 --> 00:32:26,875
I'm serious. Let go.

512
00:32:31,319 --> 00:32:33,082
It's late. Where's your mom?

513
00:32:33,188 --> 00:32:34,519
Shut up, butthead.

514
00:32:34,623 --> 00:32:37,285
Shut... You stop that.
You know something?

515
00:32:37,392 --> 00:32:40,884
Your mommy and daddy
would not like you talking like that.

516
00:32:40,996 --> 00:32:43,226
When your mommy comes,
I'll tell her that you...

517
00:32:43,331 --> 00:32:44,855
Let's go. Motor's running.

518
00:32:44,966 --> 00:32:48,493
- Get out of here. Hey, I wish you would.
- Stop, Crispin!

519
00:32:48,703 --> 00:32:50,830
- Don't make that face.
- What?

520
00:32:51,172 --> 00:32:53,538
Don't make lines. Quiet the face.

521
00:32:53,742 --> 00:32:56,233
Relax the face. Quiet the face.

522
00:32:56,344 --> 00:32:59,245
Yes, calm your face.
Show no lines, you know.

523
00:33:01,182 --> 00:33:02,206
You got early drop-off?

524
00:33:02,317 --> 00:33:04,478
No, we don't have anything...

525
00:33:04,586 --> 00:33:06,816
I'm going to see you tomorrow.

526
00:33:06,922 --> 00:33:09,186
I'll see you tomorrow, Crispin.

527
00:33:10,258 --> 00:33:11,953
You'll be just like your father.

528
00:33:12,060 --> 00:33:15,518
Look at him.
Hanging off of him, his skin. Hanging off.

529
00:33:16,865 --> 00:33:19,095
- Hey, little man.
- Hey, Dad.

530
00:33:19,601 --> 00:33:21,296
What are you up to?

531
00:33:24,239 --> 00:33:26,332
Just trying to read a story.

532
00:33:27,475 --> 00:33:28,942
Listen, man...

533
00:33:29,244 --> 00:33:32,839
I know I was really busy today
taking care of those other kids.

534
00:33:32,948 --> 00:33:36,315
I know it probably wasn't easy for you
sharing your toys...

535
00:33:36,418 --> 00:33:39,945
and watching Daddy
do rocket ship with everybody, but...

536
00:33:40,188 --> 00:33:42,782
Now it's just us,
we can do whatever you want to do.

537
00:33:42,891 --> 00:33:46,793
- Can we read this story?
- We sure can read this story.

538
00:33:46,995 --> 00:33:48,223
All right.

539
00:33:48,496 --> 00:33:51,260
"There once was a herd of elephants.

540
00:33:51,433 --> 00:33:55,802
"Elephants young, elephants old,
elephants tall and short, fat and thin.

541
00:33:56,805 --> 00:34:01,174
"All were different, but all were happy,
and almost all were the same color.

542
00:34:01,276 --> 00:34:04,507
"And they all made the elephant sound."
They all said...

543
00:34:06,815 --> 00:34:08,806
Let me hear you make that sound.

544
00:34:11,286 --> 00:34:12,378
Do it again?

545
00:34:12,487 --> 00:34:16,321
No, I can't do it again,
because Daddy might have an aneurysm.

546
00:34:23,031 --> 00:34:25,022
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.

547
00:34:31,539 --> 00:34:33,507
I'm not cleaning this up.

548
00:34:53,028 --> 00:34:55,622
Hey, take this in there. Go sit down.

549
00:34:56,364 --> 00:35:00,391
Maybe I haven't had my coffee yet,
but it seems like these kids are multiplying.

550
00:35:00,502 --> 00:35:03,164
- Yeah, we got two new kids.
- Oh, come on!

551
00:35:03,271 --> 00:35:06,638
We'll have to up our game.
We need structure and planned activities.

552
00:35:06,741 --> 00:35:09,642
No, we need Ritalin and leashes,
that's what we need.

553
00:35:09,744 --> 00:35:11,405
All we'll need is this.

554
00:35:13,882 --> 00:35:15,315
Everybody, let's do this.

555
00:35:15,417 --> 00:35:17,282
Everybody, come in here.

556
00:35:17,385 --> 00:35:20,013
Okay, let's try another play. Let's try this.

557
00:35:20,121 --> 00:35:21,952
Let's try this. Here's what we'll do.

558
00:35:22,057 --> 00:35:24,582
This new play's called the Baby Blitz.

559
00:35:24,692 --> 00:35:26,990
I want you to hang back and do a lateral.

560
00:35:27,095 --> 00:35:29,723
I want you to go down the middle
for a buttonhook.

561
00:35:29,831 --> 00:35:31,628
I want you to be my blocker.

562
00:35:31,733 --> 00:35:34,429
How about we just run in a circle?

563
00:35:34,569 --> 00:35:38,300
We can do that. That's an even better play.
Everybody run in a circle.

564
00:35:38,406 --> 00:35:42,342
Yes? All right, let's run in a circle.
Come on, run in a circle.

565
00:35:42,477 --> 00:35:45,537
Tony, you'll see the ball a lot better
if you take your mask off.

566
00:35:45,647 --> 00:35:47,615
I'm not Tony, I'm Flash.

567
00:35:58,860 --> 00:36:01,556
How come you're not playing, little man?

568
00:36:02,130 --> 00:36:04,928
Come on, it's football. You love football.

569
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,292
Help!

570
00:36:07,268 --> 00:36:08,860
Help! Stuck!

571
00:36:13,408 --> 00:36:15,205
I live in California.

572
00:36:15,410 --> 00:36:17,503
- Where do you live?
- I am in Hong Kong.

573
00:36:17,612 --> 00:36:19,341
Where's Hong Kong?

574
00:36:22,117 --> 00:36:24,881
- Can you hear me now?
- I can't hear you.

575
00:36:26,855 --> 00:36:28,618
Can you hear me now?

576
00:36:28,823 --> 00:36:30,154
What is it?

577
00:36:30,358 --> 00:36:34,055
I thought you liked football.
You're telling me you don't like...

578
00:36:41,035 --> 00:36:44,095
I'll be right back, little man. I got to go...

579
00:36:48,977 --> 00:36:51,639
You got a little problem over there with Max.

580
00:36:51,746 --> 00:36:54,078
- It's happening.
- What's happening? What is it?

581
00:36:54,182 --> 00:36:57,709
It! It's happening.
He hasn't gone for a week. That's it.

582
00:36:58,086 --> 00:37:00,987
Oh, no. That's... It's happening?

583
00:37:01,089 --> 00:37:03,353
It's happening. I know the face. Look.

584
00:37:06,361 --> 00:37:09,228
- You got to go and deal with that.
- I can't.

585
00:37:09,564 --> 00:37:11,191
- What do you mean, you can't?
- I can't.

586
00:37:11,299 --> 00:37:13,494
- Come on, you have to do it.
- I can't.

587
00:37:13,601 --> 00:37:15,364
- Yes, you can.
- I can't.

588
00:37:15,470 --> 00:37:16,835
- Yes, you can.
- All right, I will!

589
00:37:16,938 --> 00:37:17,962
Good. Come on.

590
00:37:39,060 --> 00:37:40,288
I can't.

591
00:37:40,628 --> 00:37:43,290
Listen. I see you got issues about this...

592
00:37:43,398 --> 00:37:45,798
so I'll take care of it this time, all right?

593
00:37:46,434 --> 00:37:49,801
- In the future, you got to work it out.
- I got to work it out.

594
00:37:49,904 --> 00:37:53,305
That's your son. God willing,
when you get older, he'll do this for you.

595
00:37:53,408 --> 00:37:55,706
So you want to know he owes that to you.

596
00:37:55,810 --> 00:37:57,778
- He owes me.
- He owes you.

597
00:38:00,248 --> 00:38:03,945
- Don't get cute with the thing.
- I'm not assuming you're doing it.

598
00:38:04,085 --> 00:38:07,612
- So how you want to do this?
- I can do this myself.

599
00:38:07,722 --> 00:38:09,121
- You sure?
- Yes.

600
00:38:09,224 --> 00:38:13,456
Okay, well, you go and do it
with your bad self. You go and do it now.

601
00:38:13,661 --> 00:38:16,562
All right. You need anything,
I'm right out here.

602
00:38:28,810 --> 00:38:31,301
Hey, big guy, how'd it go in there?

603
00:38:31,646 --> 00:38:32,840
I missed.

604
00:38:32,947 --> 00:38:34,175
What does that mean?

605
00:38:34,282 --> 00:38:35,544
I missed.

606
00:38:36,751 --> 00:38:37,911
Oh, hell, no.

607
00:39:14,989 --> 00:39:16,456
- Come on!
- No.

608
00:39:18,126 --> 00:39:21,220
Come on. Put this down.
You don't play with this.

609
00:39:21,329 --> 00:39:23,524
And you ripped up my wife's flowers.

610
00:39:23,631 --> 00:39:27,294
Give me this. You're not supposed to.
Go play with something else.

611
00:39:27,402 --> 00:39:30,235
- What's going on here?
- It's spiraling out of control.

612
00:39:30,338 --> 00:39:33,000
Don't panic. They're like animals.
They can smell fear.

613
00:39:33,107 --> 00:39:35,166
I don't know what to do.
I've run out of ideas.

614
00:39:35,276 --> 00:39:37,107
I'll tell you what...

615
00:39:41,816 --> 00:39:43,977
Quietly, children. Follow me.

616
00:39:44,552 --> 00:39:46,076
Six absences.

617
00:39:47,889 --> 00:39:49,288
Single file.

618
00:39:50,024 --> 00:39:52,288
I have to go make a phone call.

619
00:39:54,962 --> 00:39:56,486
Let's get ready...

620
00:39:56,597 --> 00:39:59,225
to rumble!

621
00:40:01,269 --> 00:40:03,794
Let me tell you something,
I have never liked carrots.

622
00:40:03,905 --> 00:40:06,601
And today as I stand here
and look at you before me...

623
00:40:06,708 --> 00:40:09,973
having the audacity to think
that you can defeat me...

624
00:40:10,111 --> 00:40:14,480
let me tell you something, brother,
I am about to kick your carrot butt!

625
00:40:14,582 --> 00:40:16,914
Let me tell you something, Mr. Broccoli.

626
00:40:17,018 --> 00:40:21,352
When The Carrot is done with you,
you will be nothing but a kumquat!

627
00:40:21,456 --> 00:40:24,823
I will destroy everything in this world
that is broccoli.

628
00:40:24,926 --> 00:40:27,417
The carrot is the lowest form of vegetable!

629
00:40:28,730 --> 00:40:29,822
What about me?

630
00:40:29,931 --> 00:40:31,159
Nobody likes broccoli.

631
00:40:31,265 --> 00:40:34,428
Really? Well, Ben likes broccoli, don't you?

632
00:40:35,470 --> 00:40:36,494
No.

633
00:40:37,438 --> 00:40:41,101
You turned my own sprout against me?
Now you're gonna die!

634
00:40:59,260 --> 00:41:01,285
Okay, come on. I felt that.

635
00:41:01,462 --> 00:41:02,656
Come on.

636
00:41:07,001 --> 00:41:08,332
Will you stop it?

637
00:41:10,538 --> 00:41:11,664
That's it.

638
00:41:16,477 --> 00:41:18,468
- What's that about?
- I'm sorry.

639
00:41:18,579 --> 00:41:20,706
- You made me crazy!
- You little maniac!

640
00:41:20,815 --> 00:41:23,181
You're wrecking my wife's tables.

641
00:41:24,085 --> 00:41:25,416
Somebody's at the door.

642
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:26,748
My back.

643
00:41:32,927 --> 00:41:35,919
Is this the Hinton residence?

644
00:41:36,864 --> 00:41:38,957
I'm Dan Kubitz, Child Services.

645
00:41:39,066 --> 00:41:42,160
I'm here to conduct
a compliance inspection.

646
00:41:42,270 --> 00:41:44,465
No one said anything about any inspection.

647
00:41:44,572 --> 00:41:46,631
We only do it if we receive a complaint.

648
00:41:46,741 --> 00:41:48,971
A complaint?
Somebody complained about...

649
00:41:49,076 --> 00:41:52,068
Come on in. You can inspect us.
We have nothing to hide.

650
00:41:52,180 --> 00:41:55,115
You caught us at a crazy time.
We're playing with the kids.

651
00:41:55,216 --> 00:41:57,377
Somebody complained about us?

652
00:41:59,587 --> 00:42:01,817
So, where is the nap area?

653
00:42:02,790 --> 00:42:04,553
- The nap area?
- Right.

654
00:42:04,792 --> 00:42:06,384
We don't have a nap area.

655
00:42:06,494 --> 00:42:09,463
We just let them fall asleep
wherever they drop.

656
00:42:09,564 --> 00:42:13,398
"Sleep where they drop."
Well, I think that should just about do it.

657
00:42:14,101 --> 00:42:15,295
What's the bottom line?

658
00:42:15,403 --> 00:42:19,703
Well, you need to correct
the deficiencies on this form.

659
00:42:21,008 --> 00:42:22,236
And also...

660
00:42:22,343 --> 00:42:26,177
you need to fill out
these compliance certification documents.

661
00:42:26,514 --> 00:42:28,539
Who wants these, the carrot or the broccoli?

662
00:42:28,649 --> 00:42:29,911
Carrot.

663
00:42:30,551 --> 00:42:32,542
There's a lot of stuff on here.

664
00:42:33,020 --> 00:42:34,214
So we can stay open, right?

665
00:42:34,322 --> 00:42:36,847
As long you've done that by 9:00 a.m.
Tomorrow morning.

666
00:42:36,958 --> 00:42:38,186
9:00 a.m.

667
00:42:38,993 --> 00:42:41,757
Good luck with this.
I like what you're doing.

668
00:42:41,863 --> 00:42:43,694
I'd hate to be the guy to shut you down.

669
00:42:43,798 --> 00:42:45,857
We'd hate for you to be that guy.

670
00:42:45,967 --> 00:42:48,060
I will be. Don't want to be.

671
00:42:49,070 --> 00:42:51,937
Okay. Safety gates
at the bottom of the stairs...

672
00:42:52,039 --> 00:42:54,940
top of the stairs, bedrooms, bathrooms.

673
00:42:55,042 --> 00:42:57,169
I've gone safety gate crazy.

674
00:42:58,079 --> 00:42:59,671
How many kids have we got?

675
00:42:59,780 --> 00:43:02,010
I've lost track, they run so fast.

676
00:43:02,116 --> 00:43:04,846
You can get started on this batch over here.

677
00:43:04,952 --> 00:43:08,888
- It's getting late. Let's just call it a night.
- We can't call it a night.

678
00:43:08,990 --> 00:43:11,083
We got a bunch of kids coming
in five hours.

679
00:43:11,192 --> 00:43:14,218
I'm serious. We know nothing
about running a day care center.

680
00:43:14,328 --> 00:43:16,728
We don't know anything.
We're not even good parents!

681
00:43:16,831 --> 00:43:18,492
I'm a good parent.

682
00:43:20,201 --> 00:43:21,600
- What does that mean?
- What?

683
00:43:21,702 --> 00:43:23,693
That thing. What is that?

684
00:43:24,605 --> 00:43:28,701
You know that rocket ship thing you do?
Ben doesn't even like that.

685
00:43:28,876 --> 00:43:31,845
That just happens to be Ben's favorite thing.

686
00:43:31,946 --> 00:43:36,747
He lets you do it because you like it.
It's the one time you pay him attention.

687
00:43:36,851 --> 00:43:39,615
- You don't change your kid's diapers.
- I don't like diapers.

688
00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:42,518
You should teach your kid
how to go to the toilet and aim...

689
00:43:42,623 --> 00:43:45,057
so we don't have to redecorate the place
when he goes.

690
00:43:45,159 --> 00:43:46,319
You're right.

691
00:43:46,427 --> 00:43:47,519
Let me tell you something.

692
00:43:47,628 --> 00:43:50,062
My kid is 4 years old,
and for the first time today...

693
00:43:50,164 --> 00:43:53,361
I saw him playing with the other kids,
just being a normal kid.

694
00:43:53,467 --> 00:43:55,867
It felt great knowing
I had something to do with it.

695
00:43:55,970 --> 00:43:56,959
We did that!

696
00:43:57,071 --> 00:44:00,905
If we can do that, we can definitely
get this place up to code by dawn.

697
00:44:02,376 --> 00:44:04,139
Let's go safety gate crazy.

698
00:44:04,612 --> 00:44:06,443
Don't worry, he'll be fine.

699
00:44:06,647 --> 00:44:08,046
It's all right.

700
00:44:12,420 --> 00:44:15,082
- All I got is $5.
- I can break that.

701
00:44:16,357 --> 00:44:20,384
Listen, I left the paperwork
on the kitchen table. It's not there.

702
00:44:20,494 --> 00:44:21,984
Please tell me you have it.

703
00:44:22,096 --> 00:44:23,393
I don't have it.

704
00:44:33,140 --> 00:44:35,370
- Hey, guys.
- Marvin, what are you doing here?

705
00:44:35,476 --> 00:44:38,934
The door was unlocked.
I got your final paychecks here.

706
00:44:39,246 --> 00:44:40,440
Thanks.

707
00:44:41,549 --> 00:44:43,244
So, what's going on here?

708
00:44:46,020 --> 00:44:47,510
Don't even ask.

709
00:45:02,003 --> 00:45:03,595
You can understand him?

710
00:45:03,704 --> 00:45:05,569
Yeah, he's speaking Klingon.

711
00:45:05,673 --> 00:45:08,369
That's Klingon.
I thought the kid was an idiot.

712
00:45:08,476 --> 00:45:11,104
God, how much Star Trek
does that kid watch?

713
00:45:11,212 --> 00:45:14,306
- Too much.
- The guy from Child Services is here.

714
00:45:15,449 --> 00:45:17,679
- Sorry.
- No, listen. Why don't you do me a favor?

715
00:45:17,785 --> 00:45:20,481
Why don't you take the kids in the back
and play with them?

716
00:45:20,588 --> 00:45:23,523
Keep their attention for a while,
while I talk to this guy.

717
00:45:23,624 --> 00:45:27,720
Whatever you do, don't let this big bruiser
get near the lawnmower. Thanks.

718
00:45:29,296 --> 00:45:31,856
- Mr. Kubitz. Hi.
- I thought I was early, but...

719
00:45:31,966 --> 00:45:35,231
- I was just getting the paperwork.
- Great.

720
00:45:36,203 --> 00:45:38,398
- You dropped something.
- Yeah.

721
00:45:40,207 --> 00:45:42,971
- The kids wanted to help out.
- That's sweet.

722
00:45:43,077 --> 00:45:45,136
So here's everything for you.

723
00:45:45,246 --> 00:45:48,807
What I'll need is your signature
on the back of her head.

724
00:45:49,483 --> 00:45:51,678
And on the elbow of this kid.

725
00:45:51,786 --> 00:45:54,277
- Do you have a pen?
- I do have a pen.

726
00:45:55,256 --> 00:45:57,622
- This is my lucky pen.
- Thank you.

727
00:45:58,192 --> 00:46:01,184
- And where's on the...
- Initial the elbow.

728
00:46:02,063 --> 00:46:04,429
- Sign the back of her head.
- On her neck?

729
00:46:05,366 --> 00:46:07,994
- Great. That should just about do it.
- Here we go.

730
00:46:08,102 --> 00:46:11,367
- You're ready to roll.
- Let's go in and get started.

731
00:46:12,807 --> 00:46:16,038
Well, you know,
everything looks okay here...

732
00:46:16,177 --> 00:46:19,203
but it says here
that you now have 11 children.

733
00:46:19,714 --> 00:46:21,079
That's correct.

734
00:46:21,182 --> 00:46:24,447
So I assume that you've hired
a third care provider.

735
00:46:25,786 --> 00:46:27,151
Why would you just assume that?

736
00:46:27,254 --> 00:46:31,418
Well, section 768 of the Child Welfare Code
specifically states...

737
00:46:31,759 --> 00:46:35,627
that the ratio of children to care providers
cannot exceed 5:1.

738
00:46:36,163 --> 00:46:38,063
- The 768.04.
- 768.04.

739
00:46:38,165 --> 00:46:41,862
The ratio thingy.
We resolved that this morning.

740
00:46:41,969 --> 00:46:43,061
- Good.
- Yes.

741
00:46:43,170 --> 00:46:45,900
We hired someone. We hired Marvin.

742
00:46:48,242 --> 00:46:52,941
- Marvin was hired! He's with the kids.
- He's an excellent child-care worker.

743
00:46:53,047 --> 00:46:55,982
I'd love to take a look,
if that's okay with you.

744
00:46:56,083 --> 00:46:59,883
- You want to go out there?
- It'll be good for me to see for myself.

745
00:46:59,987 --> 00:47:02,114
Let's go and have a look at Marvin.

746
00:47:07,995 --> 00:47:10,657
Now, put your hands up. Now, wave them.

747
00:47:13,534 --> 00:47:16,628
He certainly seems like
he knows what he's doing.

748
00:47:16,737 --> 00:47:17,897
Of course.

749
00:47:18,005 --> 00:47:21,463
- I've got to say that.
- Yeah, we interviewed a lot of people.

750
00:47:21,575 --> 00:47:25,204
Yeah, it was a really long, grueling
singling-out process.

751
00:47:31,018 --> 00:47:32,713
And now, I'm a chicken.

752
00:47:32,820 --> 00:47:35,687
I'm a bird. Look, I'm a bird.

753
00:47:36,590 --> 00:47:39,787
You can never be too careful
when it comes to kids.

754
00:47:39,894 --> 00:47:44,388
And here at Daddy Day Care we'll only work
with the best, so we got Marvin.

755
00:47:47,134 --> 00:47:48,260
Sorry.

756
00:47:51,071 --> 00:47:53,301
- What did you do to these kids?
- What?

757
00:47:53,407 --> 00:47:56,843
- Are they on drugs?
- Well, there's this one kid, maybe.

758
00:47:56,944 --> 00:47:59,242
How'd you get them to behave like this?

759
00:47:59,346 --> 00:48:02,406
- Got to know how to handle them.
- How do you know that?

760
00:48:02,516 --> 00:48:05,383
I read
Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care book.

761
00:48:07,087 --> 00:48:09,055
It's not about Star Trek.

762
00:48:11,592 --> 00:48:13,059
- Finish.
- Yeah.

763
00:48:17,064 --> 00:48:19,362
You know, when I was in the back...

764
00:48:19,466 --> 00:48:22,867
I spotted, under the eaves of the porch...

765
00:48:22,970 --> 00:48:24,835
what looked like a beehive.

766
00:48:24,939 --> 00:48:27,737
- A big one.
- Don't worry. All taken care of.

767
00:48:27,842 --> 00:48:30,208
- I don't want anybody getting hurt.
- No hurt. Gone.

768
00:48:30,311 --> 00:48:33,940
- You really have turned this around.
- Thank you very much.

769
00:48:34,048 --> 00:48:36,278
- I'm impressed. I really am.
- Thank you.

770
00:48:36,383 --> 00:48:37,873
For our own curiosity...

771
00:48:37,985 --> 00:48:41,318
any chance you could
tell us where the complaint came from?

772
00:48:41,422 --> 00:48:45,950
I really would love to,
but I have a relationship with the state.

773
00:48:46,060 --> 00:48:49,393
- Just for our own curiosity.
- That was Miss Harridan.

774
00:48:49,597 --> 00:48:52,589
- I'm sure she'll see us.
- We need to talk to you.

775
00:48:52,700 --> 00:48:56,727
- Sorry. They just barged right in.
- That's quite all right, Jenny.

776
00:48:56,871 --> 00:48:58,930
Gentlemen, please sit down.

777
00:49:02,643 --> 00:49:04,804
Now, what can I do for you?

778
00:49:05,312 --> 00:49:09,612
We wanted to thank you for helping
to expedite our accreditation process.

779
00:49:09,717 --> 00:49:12,914
Thanks to your tip, somebody
from child services came to see us.

780
00:49:13,020 --> 00:49:16,456
I had heard you opened
some sort of day care program...

781
00:49:16,924 --> 00:49:18,653
and I was concerned.

782
00:49:18,759 --> 00:49:21,523
That's nice of you.
You don't have to be concerned about us.

783
00:49:21,629 --> 00:49:25,497
It's not you I'm concerned about.
It's the children you're looking after.

784
00:49:25,599 --> 00:49:29,763
- Wait a minute. We're parents. That's a start.
- Any boob can be a parent.

785
00:49:29,870 --> 00:49:32,532
If you want to screw up your own child,
that's your right.

786
00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:36,736
But when it comes to other people's kids,
there's a higher standard to answer to.

787
00:49:36,844 --> 00:49:41,042
Mr. Kubitz seems to think that we met
that standard. Show her the thing.

788
00:49:41,148 --> 00:49:43,810
That piece of paper doesn't impress me.

789
00:49:44,485 --> 00:49:46,476
We're getting it laminated.

790
00:49:46,587 --> 00:49:50,751
You two are just some fly-by-night
operation looking to make a fast buck.

791
00:49:50,858 --> 00:49:53,486
You're just afraid of the competition.
Let's go.

792
00:49:53,594 --> 00:49:56,188
Competition? Don't flatter yourselves.

793
00:49:56,563 --> 00:50:00,693
Daddy Day Care will never be
in the same league as this institution.

794
00:50:01,869 --> 00:50:03,166
Laminated!

795
00:50:04,471 --> 00:50:07,031
That wasn't as satisfying as I thought.

796
00:50:07,141 --> 00:50:10,838
I think we can take her. All we need
is some garlic and a wooden stake.

797
00:50:10,945 --> 00:50:13,277
You know what she said that was right?

798
00:50:13,380 --> 00:50:16,679
These kids need more than watching.
Tomorrow we'll take it up a notch.

799
00:50:16,784 --> 00:50:19,048
We got to start stimulating their minds.

800
00:50:22,022 --> 00:50:24,388
- But I'm not a daddy.
- You don't have to be a daddy.

801
00:50:24,491 --> 00:50:28,086
You're a male-type humanoid.
That fits in with the philosophy of the place.

802
00:50:28,195 --> 00:50:31,596
I don't know, guys. I mean,
I guess I like hanging out with the kids.

803
00:50:31,699 --> 00:50:32,927
It's kind of cool.

804
00:50:33,033 --> 00:50:36,332
But I guess child-care wasn't necessarily...

805
00:50:36,437 --> 00:50:39,531
an avenue that I felt professionally
I was headed towards.

806
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,165
- That's exactly what I said.
- Excuse me.

807
00:50:42,276 --> 00:50:43,607
Yes, come on in!

808
00:50:45,879 --> 00:50:47,972
- How are you?
- Hey, guys.

809
00:50:48,082 --> 00:50:51,108
I am so sorry.
I forgot to write you a check this week.

810
00:50:51,218 --> 00:50:54,346
Ever since the divorce,
my head's just been like...

811
00:50:59,693 --> 00:51:02,355
- Are you the new daddy?
- I'm your daddy.

812
00:51:05,399 --> 00:51:07,094
I'm not your daddy.

813
00:51:07,901 --> 00:51:10,495
Well, I'm your baby's daddy. I'm not...

814
00:51:11,105 --> 00:51:14,541
I'm not your baby's daddy.
I'm going to be...

815
00:51:17,344 --> 00:51:18,811
You're Marvin.

816
00:51:22,316 --> 00:51:26,184
Well, it's nice to meet you, Marvin. I'm Kelli.

817
00:51:27,054 --> 00:51:28,419
Dylan's mom.

818
00:51:33,861 --> 00:51:35,556
- I got to run.
- Thank you.

819
00:51:35,662 --> 00:51:37,892
- All right. Bye, guys.
- Have a good one.

820
00:51:37,998 --> 00:51:39,795
- Thanks.
- Bye.

821
00:51:39,900 --> 00:51:42,300
I'm in. Do you have a dental plan?

822
00:51:43,270 --> 00:51:44,498
All right.

823
00:51:44,805 --> 00:51:48,172
Your first assignment is to show us
how you handle kids the way you do.

824
00:51:48,275 --> 00:51:49,264
Teach us.

825
00:51:49,376 --> 00:51:51,901
If this were a business,
and they were customers...

826
00:51:52,012 --> 00:51:53,536
how do you find out what they want?

827
00:51:53,647 --> 00:51:56,707
- I'd put together a focus group.
- All right, let's do it.

828
00:51:56,817 --> 00:51:56,850
We'd like you to tell us what you'd like
to get out of Daddy Day Care.

829
00:51:56,850 --> 00:52:00,445
We'd like you to tell us what you'd like
to get out of Daddy Day Care.

830
00:52:00,554 --> 00:52:03,318
Help us to help you.

831
00:52:03,724 --> 00:52:05,453
Who'd like to start?

832
00:52:07,461 --> 00:52:09,929
We need more learning about things.

833
00:52:10,264 --> 00:52:13,062
- More learning about things?
- Yes.

834
00:52:13,167 --> 00:52:15,863
We're at a very critical age.

835
00:52:15,969 --> 00:52:20,565
- You have to feed our minds.
- All right. You want to write that down?

836
00:52:20,674 --> 00:52:23,472
"Feed our minds."

837
00:52:23,710 --> 00:52:26,508
Great. Okay, what else?

838
00:52:27,548 --> 00:52:30,608
Dolphins. Dolphins are good.

839
00:52:30,784 --> 00:52:33,184
- Dolphins are fish.
- No, they're not.

840
00:52:33,287 --> 00:52:36,415
- They live in water.
- That doesn't mean they're fish.

841
00:52:36,523 --> 00:52:40,960
Calm down and talk about something else.
What else would you like to talk about?

842
00:52:41,061 --> 00:52:43,052
Where do babies come from?

843
00:52:44,565 --> 00:52:47,398
Let's go back to the dolphin subject
and discuss dolphins...

844
00:52:47,501 --> 00:52:50,629
or if there's anything else
on someone's mind we can talk about...

845
00:52:50,737 --> 00:52:53,433
- other than that.
- Write that down.

846
00:52:54,141 --> 00:52:56,701
- Okay, what else?
- Could we...

847
00:52:58,112 --> 00:53:00,410
What were you going to say, Ben?

848
00:53:00,881 --> 00:53:04,078
I can see you were going to say something.
What is it, son?

849
00:53:04,218 --> 00:53:05,412
More...

850
00:53:07,121 --> 00:53:09,419
- drawing?
- More drawings?

851
00:53:09,523 --> 00:53:13,687
Yeah! Like pictures and stuff. It's really fun.

852
00:53:15,562 --> 00:53:19,589
- Okay, yeah, great. More drawings.
- Yeah!

853
00:53:19,700 --> 00:53:22,897
- More chasing bad guys.
- Excellent idea.

854
00:53:23,003 --> 00:53:24,436
We can chase Joker.

855
00:53:24,538 --> 00:53:27,132
Well, wait a second, buddy.
That's Batman's bad guy.

856
00:53:27,241 --> 00:53:30,074
You're Flash,
so you want to be chasing...

857
00:53:30,177 --> 00:53:33,340
- Lex Luthor?
- No. That's Superman.

858
00:53:33,447 --> 00:53:37,850
You want to be chasing Captain Boomerang,
Gorilla Grodd, Reverse Flash.

859
00:53:37,951 --> 00:53:39,316
The Riddler?

860
00:53:40,554 --> 00:53:42,317
What have you been doing to these kids?

861
00:55:44,845 --> 00:55:49,612
Starting tomorrow, Phil will be hosting
a Three Stooges film festival in the TV room.

862
00:55:49,716 --> 00:55:52,048
I know everybody's looking forward
to that, right?

863
00:55:52,152 --> 00:55:53,141
Thanks, Daddy!

864
00:55:53,253 --> 00:55:56,711
Last but not least, the Thumb Suckers
Support Group will have a meeting...

865
00:55:56,823 --> 00:55:58,757
under the tree after nap time...

866
00:55:58,859 --> 00:56:01,054
which starts right after
you finish your snack.

867
00:56:01,161 --> 00:56:05,063
So after you finish, grab a blanket,
get a spot, and we have that.

868
00:56:05,165 --> 00:56:07,929
Also, next week is going
to be Alpha Girls Group.

869
00:56:08,068 --> 00:56:10,935
And we're going to have
Tai Chi under the tree.

870
00:56:11,038 --> 00:56:14,303
And we're going to also have pet day,
so you bring your pets in.

871
00:56:14,408 --> 00:56:15,841
We'll have pet show-and-tell.

872
00:56:16,943 --> 00:56:20,401
This is my bunny. His name is Tiny.

873
00:56:21,014 --> 00:56:24,211
I feed him a lot. Five times a day.

874
00:56:24,351 --> 00:56:27,548
He poops a lot, too. Six times a day.

875
00:56:27,888 --> 00:56:29,617
It's like little marbles.

876
00:56:30,057 --> 00:56:32,048
This is my turtle, Sparks.

877
00:56:32,292 --> 00:56:36,353
He's fast. He's the fastest turtle in the world.

878
00:56:40,133 --> 00:56:42,897
Go! Go, Sparks!

879
00:56:46,606 --> 00:56:50,770
This is my parrot, Paulie.
I'm teaching him to talk. Talk.

880
00:56:50,911 --> 00:56:52,538
Shut up, butthead.

881
00:57:00,287 --> 00:57:01,777
Okay, Becca, where's your pet?

882
00:57:01,888 --> 00:57:04,948
I had a tarantula,
but I don't know where he is.

883
00:57:05,859 --> 00:57:08,919
Okay, all right, don't panic.

884
00:57:09,029 --> 00:57:11,930
What do you mean, don't panic?
There's a big spider in here.

885
00:57:12,032 --> 00:57:13,727
I got a spider on my head!

886
00:57:17,437 --> 00:57:21,396
- So what are we betting on today?
- I'm going to do a diaper stroke, okay?

887
00:57:21,508 --> 00:57:22,805
All right.

888
00:57:23,009 --> 00:57:26,968
Well, if it isn't the geniuses
that brought the world Veggie-Os.

889
00:57:28,148 --> 00:57:32,312
- So, how's unemployment?
- Actually, I've got the best job I've ever had.

890
00:57:32,419 --> 00:57:34,216
Yeah, it's a start-up.

891
00:57:34,321 --> 00:57:38,621
We offer time-management facilitation
to mostly working professionals.

892
00:57:38,759 --> 00:57:41,387
That's a tough market.
Sounds pretty cutthroat.

893
00:57:41,495 --> 00:57:44,794
- Yeah. It's a real blood sport.
- What's the money like?

894
00:57:44,898 --> 00:57:47,196
Bruce! Let's go, I got Botox.

895
00:57:48,101 --> 00:57:50,001
Hi, Charlie. Hi, Phil.

896
00:57:50,570 --> 00:57:52,868
- Hey, Crispin.
- What's up, little man?

897
00:57:52,973 --> 00:57:54,133
How do you know my kid?

898
00:57:54,241 --> 00:57:57,369
They're his day care teachers,
what do you think?

899
00:57:58,211 --> 00:58:00,907
Day care? That's what it is?

900
00:58:01,014 --> 00:58:04,643
Oh, my God.
You're wiping boogers for a living.

901
00:58:07,721 --> 00:58:08,915
Losers.

902
00:58:10,891 --> 00:58:13,587
You're paying us to do it, too, you know.

903
00:58:14,828 --> 00:58:16,022
Losers.

904
00:58:18,064 --> 00:58:20,089
"Do you like green eggs and ham?

905
00:58:22,302 --> 00:58:27,069
"I do not like them, Sam-l-Am.
I do not like green eggs and ham.

906
00:58:27,707 --> 00:58:30,175
"Would you like to eat them here or there?

907
00:58:32,179 --> 00:58:36,047
"I would not like to eat them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.

908
00:58:36,149 --> 00:58:39,448
"I do not like them, Sam-l-Am." Okay?

909
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:43,455
Now see, he was going to punch Sam-l-Am,
but he walked away.

910
00:58:43,557 --> 00:58:45,752
You don't punch, see?
He walked away with it.

911
00:58:48,962 --> 00:58:50,429
Where's Mommy?

912
00:58:51,798 --> 00:58:53,732
Mommy had to work today.

913
00:58:55,635 --> 00:58:58,229
Remember when you used
to work all the times?

914
00:58:58,338 --> 00:59:00,704
Yeah, back when I had a real job.

915
00:59:01,274 --> 00:59:02,866
Do you miss work?

916
00:59:04,778 --> 00:59:07,144
I guess. I suppose so. I miss it.

917
00:59:08,114 --> 00:59:11,743
But don't get me wrong. It's not like
I don't like hanging out with you guys.

918
00:59:11,852 --> 00:59:15,344
It's just that Daddy used to be
a big shot down at work.

919
00:59:15,989 --> 00:59:20,858
I had my own office and a big, pretty view.
Remember that big, pretty view Daddy had?

920
00:59:20,961 --> 00:59:23,953
I like it when you spin me around
in that cool chair.

921
00:59:24,064 --> 00:59:26,055
Yeah, that's a cool chair.

922
00:59:26,333 --> 00:59:30,167
A lot of cool things about that job.
Cool chair...

923
00:59:30,971 --> 00:59:33,405
I had people working underneath me...

924
00:59:33,507 --> 00:59:37,204
and, just between you and I,
the pay wasn't that bad either.

925
00:59:38,144 --> 00:59:41,580
- Put that down. What do you think of that?
- What is it?

926
00:59:41,748 --> 00:59:44,216
What do you mean?
It's a dog in the sunshine.

927
00:59:44,317 --> 00:59:47,081
- It doesn't look like one.
- That's because it's abstract.

928
00:59:47,187 --> 00:59:49,849
You have to squint when you look at it.

929
00:59:50,390 --> 00:59:53,052
And when you see it like this,
that's abstract.

930
00:59:53,159 --> 00:59:54,751
Yeah? You see it?

931
00:59:55,795 --> 00:59:58,320
How about if you tilt your head to the side?

932
00:59:58,431 --> 01:00:01,229
- No, the other way.
- Still doesn't look like one.

933
01:00:01,334 --> 01:00:04,462
Okay, well, what are you over there
working on, Michelangelo?

934
01:00:04,571 --> 01:00:06,004
What is that?

935
01:00:14,180 --> 01:00:16,842
There's nothing abstract
about that now, is it?

936
01:00:17,651 --> 01:00:18,811
Thanks.

937
01:00:19,886 --> 01:00:21,478
That's pretty good.

938
01:00:21,588 --> 01:00:23,954
You got Daddy's head
looking kind of round, though.

939
01:00:24,057 --> 01:00:25,615
Is my head that round?

940
01:00:25,759 --> 01:00:30,059
- No. But I got your mustache.
- Yeah, I see. A nice green mustache.

941
01:00:30,630 --> 01:00:32,461
That's all right, son.

942
01:00:32,999 --> 01:00:36,230
I just paid the mortgage,
the car loan and the electric bill.

943
01:00:36,336 --> 01:00:38,827
Look at the balance
in the checking account.

944
01:00:39,039 --> 01:00:42,839
- 74 cents.
- Yeah. That's right, 74 cents.

945
01:00:42,943 --> 01:00:45,707
- You are my Superman.
- You got that right.

946
01:00:45,812 --> 01:00:49,942
I've worked hard, and I think
it's time to let off a little of my frustration.

947
01:00:50,050 --> 01:00:52,450
It's time for you
to take care of your Superman.

948
01:00:52,552 --> 01:00:54,986
- My Superman. Come here, baby.
- That's right.

949
01:00:55,088 --> 01:00:58,080
No! The monster's going to get me!

950
01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:02,694
It's probably a nightmare.

951
01:01:03,797 --> 01:01:06,857
- Be right back.
- Okay, hurry up. Mommy's coming!

952
01:01:07,167 --> 01:01:08,759
No, I want Daddy.

953
01:01:10,670 --> 01:01:14,106
- Did everything go okay?
- Yeah, everything's just fine.

954
01:01:19,980 --> 01:01:21,743
What's that face for?

955
01:01:22,015 --> 01:01:24,506
Since when does he like you
better than he likes me?

956
01:01:24,618 --> 01:01:26,449
No, don't even trip. It's not like that.

957
01:01:26,553 --> 01:01:30,250
I've just been spending more time with him,
so he wanted me.

958
01:01:30,690 --> 01:01:32,157
He's getting much more confident.

959
01:01:32,258 --> 01:01:34,783
Remember how he wouldn't play
with anyone else at first?

960
01:01:34,894 --> 01:01:37,920
Now, he's even playing with
that kid, Crispin.

961
01:01:38,031 --> 01:01:41,762
Crispin happened to say "thank you"
at lunch today without being told.

962
01:01:41,868 --> 01:01:44,632
And that little girl Becca, she can read.
She's just a baby.

963
01:01:44,738 --> 01:01:49,300
I seen her pick up a Curious George book,
sit down and read like a grownup.

964
01:01:49,542 --> 01:01:51,134
What's that face?

965
01:01:52,612 --> 01:01:56,480
I haven't seen you this excited
about something in a long time.

966
01:01:57,984 --> 01:02:00,282
Yeah, I ain't going to front.

967
01:02:00,387 --> 01:02:02,981
Them little crumb snatchers
got under my skin.

968
01:02:03,690 --> 01:02:07,649
Mrs. Plager, I cannot continue
to expose the other children...

969
01:02:07,861 --> 01:02:11,228
to such dangerous, self-destructive,
highly addictive behavior.

970
01:02:11,331 --> 01:02:13,492
So either Juliette stops the thumb sucking...

971
01:02:13,600 --> 01:02:17,036
or you'll just have to find
yourself another preschool.

972
01:02:24,444 --> 01:02:25,502
Are you busy?

973
01:02:25,612 --> 01:02:28,945
Just pruning a few weeds from the garden.
What is it?

974
01:02:29,249 --> 01:02:31,911
Okay, I just thought you should know...

975
01:02:32,786 --> 01:02:35,118
we've lost three more students.

976
01:02:35,388 --> 01:02:38,289
Are you seriously suggesting
you don't know where they are?

977
01:02:38,391 --> 01:02:39,449
No, ma'am.

978
01:02:40,226 --> 01:02:42,854
- I know where they are.
- So do I.

979
01:02:45,732 --> 01:02:47,222
Daddy Day Care.

980
01:02:47,867 --> 01:02:49,698
First, it was amusing.

981
01:02:50,403 --> 01:02:52,166
Then it was annoying.

982
01:02:52,839 --> 01:02:55,535
Now it's really starting to tick me off.

983
01:02:56,776 --> 01:02:59,836
Get me a copy of
Child Day Care Services Regulations.

984
01:03:15,962 --> 01:03:17,395
Phil, get the door.

985
01:03:18,398 --> 01:03:19,865
Get the door!

986
01:03:21,601 --> 01:03:23,501
All right, I got it.

987
01:03:28,241 --> 01:03:30,732
Mr. Kubitz. What are you doing here?

988
01:03:30,944 --> 01:03:33,811
- Is this a bad time?
- No, it's a great time.

989
01:03:34,247 --> 01:03:37,478
Is the man of the house at home?

990
01:03:37,684 --> 01:03:39,379
"Man of the house."

991
01:03:40,053 --> 01:03:43,580
Charlie! Mr. Kubitz is here
from Child Services!

992
01:03:43,823 --> 01:03:45,552
I'll be right there.

993
01:03:45,658 --> 01:03:48,821
So, let me ask you. Where are the kids?

994
01:03:48,928 --> 01:03:51,192
Outside. Marvin's giving them
a puppet show.

995
01:03:51,297 --> 01:03:54,266
Nice. What's on the program? Pinocchio?
Little Red Riding Hood?

996
01:03:54,367 --> 01:03:56,392
No, Wrath of Khan.

997
01:03:56,569 --> 01:03:58,196
- Mr. Kubitz. Hi!
- Hi.

998
01:03:58,304 --> 01:04:01,171
- Wait! What are you doing?
- What?

999
01:04:01,508 --> 01:04:03,669
- What's wrong with your face?
- My face?

1000
01:04:03,777 --> 01:04:07,713
What's all that stuff, man? Come on.
What's the matter with you?

1001
01:04:08,948 --> 01:04:10,506
Becca and Jamie.

1002
01:04:11,417 --> 01:04:15,148
If you'll excuse me,
I have to see two little girls...

1003
01:04:15,255 --> 01:04:16,722
because now I'm a big girl.

1004
01:04:16,823 --> 01:04:20,919
He's having fun with...
Mr. Kubitz, so what brings you here today?

1005
01:04:21,027 --> 01:04:25,828
- I've received another complaint...
- I guess we know who that came from.

1006
01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:30,993
I understand that you've acquired
three more children since my last visit.

1007
01:04:31,104 --> 01:04:32,901
Yes. We're 14 altogether now.

1008
01:04:33,006 --> 01:04:35,736
It's still three adults,
so we're still under the 5:1 ratio.

1009
01:04:35,842 --> 01:04:38,709
Right. But you see,
it's a totally different issue this time.

1010
01:04:38,812 --> 01:04:40,712
Charlie, can I talk to you for a second?

1011
01:04:40,814 --> 01:04:44,272
Mr. Kubitz, excuse me a second.
I'm going to go handle this.

1012
01:04:44,384 --> 01:04:45,715
- Have a cookie.
- Sure. Thanks.

1013
01:04:45,819 --> 01:04:47,377
What's going on?

1014
01:04:55,295 --> 01:04:56,990
- What's up?
- Flash is gone.

1015
01:04:57,096 --> 01:04:59,894
- What do you mean, gone? Gone where?
- I can't find him.

1016
01:04:59,999 --> 01:05:03,025
- You looked everywhere? In the garage?
- Everywhere.

1017
01:05:03,570 --> 01:05:04,594
What we going to do?

1018
01:05:04,704 --> 01:05:07,798
- Is there some kind of problem out here?
- Not at all, Mr. Kubitz.

1019
01:05:07,907 --> 01:05:10,341
We're just having a little conversation
about the...

1020
01:05:10,443 --> 01:05:13,469
- Okay, because if it's...
- No problem at all. Why don't you...

1021
01:05:13,580 --> 01:05:16,515
Kids! Why don't you meet
our good friend, Mr. Kubitz.

1022
01:05:16,616 --> 01:05:19,380
- Say hi.
- Hi, Mr. Kubitz.

1023
01:05:19,485 --> 01:05:20,713
Hi, guys.

1024
01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:23,480
Wouldn't it be nice
if Mr. Kubitz played with you guys...

1025
01:05:23,590 --> 01:05:25,683
while we had an important conversation?

1026
01:05:25,792 --> 01:05:27,885
- Would you be so kind?
- Is that a good idea?

1027
01:05:27,994 --> 01:05:31,259
We're having a grown-up conversation
the kids shouldn't be privy to.

1028
01:05:31,364 --> 01:05:34,390
- So just for a second. Please.
- Sure. That's different.

1029
01:05:36,236 --> 01:05:38,170
- I'll check the back yard.
- I'll go upstairs.

1030
01:05:38,271 --> 01:05:40,205
I'll check the basement.

1031
01:05:41,107 --> 01:05:42,938
Do we have a basement?

1032
01:06:08,334 --> 01:06:10,598
We have to do the laundry. God!

1033
01:06:25,585 --> 01:06:27,849
Oh, my God! They vaporized him!

1034
01:06:29,822 --> 01:06:31,949
He couldn't have got far. I'll call the police.

1035
01:06:32,058 --> 01:06:36,290
- I'll call his parents.
- Lf only I were a Betazoid, I could sense him.

1036
01:06:38,765 --> 01:06:42,030
- Which kid is this?
- I don't know. What's your name?

1037
01:06:43,002 --> 01:06:44,094
Tony.

1038
01:06:46,472 --> 01:06:50,272
- Flash's name is Tony.
- Actually, Flash's name is Wally West...

1039
01:06:56,983 --> 01:07:01,420
- Why aren't you wearing your Flash suit?
- I don't want to be Flash anymore.

1040
01:07:01,521 --> 01:07:04,718
- You don't? Who you want to be?
- Tony.

1041
01:07:04,824 --> 01:07:07,588
- Hear that? He wants to be Tony.
- He wants to be Tony.

1042
01:07:07,694 --> 01:07:11,323
That's nice. You want to be Tony.
That's great.

1043
01:07:11,431 --> 01:07:13,558
Tony, have a cookie. Have a fresh one.

1044
01:07:13,900 --> 01:07:18,599
What are you talking about? I do love you.
I'm just not in love with you.

1045
01:07:18,838 --> 01:07:21,363
Fifteen months of therapy,
that's the best you can do?

1046
01:07:21,474 --> 01:07:24,341
That is the dumbest line I have ever heard.

1047
01:07:25,878 --> 01:07:28,108
My mother was right about you.

1048
01:07:30,750 --> 01:07:31,808
Wait.

1049
01:07:32,352 --> 01:07:35,287
For what? You think this will change?
You think I'll change?

1050
01:07:35,388 --> 01:07:37,481
You think this is what I had in mind?

1051
01:07:37,590 --> 01:07:39,854
Being a 55-year-old man,
living with his mother?

1052
01:07:39,959 --> 01:07:42,621
You think that's my idea of a good time?

1053
01:07:42,729 --> 01:07:44,890
I love passive-aggressive losers.

1054
01:07:48,534 --> 01:07:52,903
According to state regulations,
a child-care center in a family home...

1055
01:07:53,006 --> 01:07:56,032
is limited to a maximum of 12 children.

1056
01:07:56,709 --> 01:08:01,237
- We have plenty of room here for these kids.
- I don't make the rules, I enforce them.

1057
01:08:01,347 --> 01:08:04,544
You can't have more than 12 kids
at this kind of location.

1058
01:08:04,650 --> 01:08:07,676
So if we want to stay in business,
we have to fire two kids.

1059
01:08:07,787 --> 01:08:12,190
Unless you want to move to a permanent
facility somewhere else, then yes.

1060
01:08:18,564 --> 01:08:20,725
So, who do we cut loose?

1061
01:08:21,134 --> 01:08:23,125
How about Becca and Jamie?

1062
01:08:24,303 --> 01:08:25,793
I can't do it.

1063
01:08:26,739 --> 01:08:28,639
We got to do something.

1064
01:08:29,409 --> 01:08:31,707
Why don't we get a bigger space?

1065
01:08:32,211 --> 01:08:35,374
"Space. The Final Frontier."

1066
01:08:35,481 --> 01:08:38,177
I'm serious. Harridan said we're not real.
Let's get real.

1067
01:08:38,284 --> 01:08:40,946
Let's get a bigger space, more kids,
hire more people...

1068
01:08:41,054 --> 01:08:42,817
and give this woman a run for her money.

1069
01:08:42,922 --> 01:08:45,789
- Great. Let's get a new space.
- Yeah, Final Frontier!

1070
01:08:45,892 --> 01:08:49,794
If you don't stop with that Star Trek,
I'll push you in that sticker bush. Stop!

1071
01:08:49,896 --> 01:08:54,333
No! I'm saying that there is a space available
called "The Final Frontier."

1072
01:08:55,101 --> 01:08:57,467
This used to be my home away from home.

1073
01:08:57,837 --> 01:09:02,570
Jerry, the guy who owned this place,
had the ultimate collection of memorabilia.

1074
01:09:03,409 --> 01:09:05,707
You know what he had? Tricorder.

1075
01:09:06,279 --> 01:09:09,271
That Ensign Riley wore
in The Doomsday Machine.

1076
01:09:09,449 --> 01:09:11,713
Yeah. I never saw that episode.

1077
01:09:12,518 --> 01:09:14,884
I was with him, not watching also.

1078
01:09:17,690 --> 01:09:19,180
Needs a lot of work.

1079
01:09:19,292 --> 01:09:22,193
That just means we can fix it up
how we want to fix it up.

1080
01:09:22,295 --> 01:09:24,855
But we'll need some money to do that.

1081
01:09:25,698 --> 01:09:27,689
To make money, you got to spend money.

1082
01:09:27,800 --> 01:09:30,428
To spend money, you got to have money.

1083
01:09:31,404 --> 01:09:33,463
"Rock for Daddy Day Care.

1084
01:09:33,906 --> 01:09:36,875
"Help us finance our new permanent home."

1085
01:09:37,477 --> 01:09:39,570
Do you know what this means?

1086
01:09:40,313 --> 01:09:43,749
It's a chance to improve ourselves
through a little healthy competition?

1087
01:09:43,850 --> 01:09:47,149
No, you bubbleheaded idiot.
It's a death sentence.

1088
01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:50,546
If they get their hands
on a big enough space, they'll ruin me.

1089
01:09:50,656 --> 01:09:53,682
They're selling fun. I can't compete with fun.

1090
01:09:56,729 --> 01:09:59,823
I should've crushed them
in the beginning when they were weak.

1091
01:09:59,932 --> 01:10:03,891
It'll be harder now, but I have no choice.
I've got to stop them.

1092
01:10:05,471 --> 01:10:07,462
How are you gonna do that?

1093
01:10:08,341 --> 01:10:10,138
By any means necessary.

1094
01:10:27,460 --> 01:10:29,189
Yeah, ride the pony.

1095
01:10:30,496 --> 01:10:31,929
Pet the goat.

1096
01:10:32,932 --> 01:10:35,492
Get a T-shirt made. Something to eat.

1097
01:10:36,169 --> 01:10:37,500
Enjoy the music!

1098
01:11:28,054 --> 01:11:31,820
- They're showing Logan's Run, Friday...
- Friday night at 8:00.

1099
01:11:34,060 --> 01:11:36,153
If you're not busy Friday nights...

1100
01:11:37,196 --> 01:11:40,131
- maybe you'd like to...
- Yeah, sure.

1101
01:11:40,766 --> 01:11:41,790
Great.

1102
01:11:41,901 --> 01:11:44,836
So we're talking, like,
just dinner, bath, bed?

1103
01:11:44,937 --> 01:11:47,235
- The works?
- What?

1104
01:11:47,340 --> 01:11:50,434
You want me to baby-sit
so you can go to the movie, right?

1105
01:11:50,543 --> 01:11:53,205
Marvin, I want you to go with me.

1106
01:11:56,549 --> 01:11:57,641
Okay.

1107
01:11:58,484 --> 01:12:02,352
- Okay. Great.
- All right. Here's your thing.

1108
01:12:08,694 --> 01:12:12,186
Thank you very much. Okay. There you go.

1109
01:12:21,641 --> 01:12:23,074
I don't think we should do this.

1110
01:12:23,175 --> 01:12:26,611
Jennifer, my dear, in life there are
winners and there are losers.

1111
01:12:26,712 --> 01:12:29,806
And if you want to be a winner,
sometimes you have to play dirty.

1112
01:12:54,273 --> 01:12:58,505
I'll show you. I'll paint my face first.
And then you paint yourself.

1113
01:12:58,678 --> 01:13:01,772
See? Put a little paint.
And I'm just going to...

1114
01:13:02,248 --> 01:13:03,772
What's wrong?

1115
01:13:05,484 --> 01:13:08,180
That's not paint! It's glue!

1116
01:13:29,008 --> 01:13:31,636
Could I have some more
of this delicious potato salad?

1117
01:13:31,744 --> 01:13:34,679
Have you tried it? Really. It is so good.

1118
01:13:37,583 --> 01:13:40,074
- What's up?
- Look.

1119
01:13:40,353 --> 01:13:43,186
And they got into everything
except for the pies.

1120
01:13:43,356 --> 01:13:46,985
Okay, but don't panic.
We'll just sell the people pies, that's all.

1121
01:13:49,228 --> 01:13:51,321
Wow. Goats really love pie.

1122
01:13:56,936 --> 01:13:59,029
Leave them on for two hours.

1123
01:13:59,438 --> 01:14:00,769
You got it.

1124
01:14:02,475 --> 01:14:06,502
Everybody just take a deep breath
and let's go back to having fun.

1125
01:14:07,213 --> 01:14:08,271
Okay?

1126
01:14:22,995 --> 01:14:26,692
- How'd we do?
- We haven't even put a dent in it.

1127
01:14:32,805 --> 01:14:35,330
- Hello?
- Charlie, Jim Fields.

1128
01:14:35,474 --> 01:14:38,466
How's your vacation going?
No, I'm just pulling your leg.

1129
01:14:38,577 --> 01:14:41,273
Listen, buddy,
are you still looking for work?

1130
01:14:41,414 --> 01:14:44,178
I've got a job for you,
unless you've got other offers.

1131
01:14:44,283 --> 01:14:47,446
No, that's really interesting.

1132
01:14:47,553 --> 01:14:49,578
But I've got something going on right now.

1133
01:14:49,789 --> 01:14:52,189
Before you say no,
let me fax you over the proposal.

1134
01:14:52,291 --> 01:14:55,124
You can take a look at the numbers,
you think about it...

1135
01:14:55,227 --> 01:14:56,785
then you get back to me.

1136
01:14:56,896 --> 01:14:59,262
- Yeah.
- Okay. Great.

1137
01:14:59,498 --> 01:15:02,399
You say hi to the wife and daughter... Son.

1138
01:15:16,215 --> 01:15:19,048
Let me guess. You couldn't get
child services to come back...

1139
01:15:19,151 --> 01:15:20,413
so you're doing the inspection.

1140
01:15:20,519 --> 01:15:23,181
I apologize. I don't like to be sneaky.

1141
01:15:23,422 --> 01:15:25,287
Still, rules are rules.

1142
01:15:25,524 --> 01:15:29,620
- May I come in? I've a proposition for you.
- Yeah, please do.

1143
01:15:31,330 --> 01:15:35,767
Can I get you some coffee or tea or water...

1144
01:15:36,669 --> 01:15:38,864
- or eye of newt, maybe?
- Water would be lovely.

1145
01:15:38,971 --> 01:15:41,599
- Thank you.
- Water. That's an easy one.

1146
01:15:41,907 --> 01:15:46,173
You don't mind tap water, do you?
We're out of the bottled water.

1147
01:15:51,917 --> 01:15:54,408
So, Miss Harridan, why are you here?

1148
01:15:55,588 --> 01:15:59,422
You seem smart, talented, highly ambitious.

1149
01:15:59,825 --> 01:16:02,350
What on earth are you doing
running a day care center?

1150
01:16:02,461 --> 01:16:04,861
Maybe I enjoy running a day care center.

1151
01:16:04,964 --> 01:16:08,798
Obviously. But is this really how you want
to spend the rest of your life?

1152
01:16:08,901 --> 01:16:12,598
As a businessman,
you'd have money, power, respect.

1153
01:16:13,172 --> 01:16:16,471
You going to throw that all away
to baby-sit a bunch of 3-year-olds?

1154
01:16:16,575 --> 01:16:20,534
I said I'd listen to your proposition.
I'm all ears, and I got other things to do.

1155
01:16:20,646 --> 01:16:23,638
- So if you'd be so kind...
- All right. Here it is:

1156
01:16:24,116 --> 01:16:27,517
If Daddy Day Care should close,
for whatever reason...

1157
01:16:27,920 --> 01:16:31,253
I'll take all your children
for the price you charge.

1158
01:16:31,390 --> 01:16:34,621
Topflight education at rock-bottom prices.

1159
01:16:35,127 --> 01:16:36,617
Think about it.

1160
01:16:40,566 --> 01:16:42,193
Now wait a minute.

1161
01:16:42,868 --> 01:16:45,496
You're blowing us off
for Cottony Cotton Balls?

1162
01:16:45,604 --> 01:16:49,870
No, Cotton Candy Puffs.
Apparently the whole thing was my idea.

1163
01:16:49,975 --> 01:16:52,443
They'll double my salary
and let me run the division.

1164
01:16:52,545 --> 01:16:54,513
So, yes, I am taking myself back.

1165
01:16:54,613 --> 01:16:57,514
Go ahead,
if that's what's important to you. I mean...

1166
01:16:57,616 --> 01:17:01,313
Phil and I can manage.
We'll just find somebody else. Right?

1167
01:17:01,854 --> 01:17:03,321
I'm going, too.

1168
01:17:04,623 --> 01:17:08,821
This is worse than
when Spock betrayed Kirk...

1169
01:17:08,928 --> 01:17:11,556
- on Star Trek V.
- It's not like that.

1170
01:17:11,664 --> 01:17:15,623
Come back with us. Not in the mailroom,
but to be part of our team.

1171
01:17:15,734 --> 01:17:18,703
I don't want to be on that team.
I want to be on this team.

1172
01:17:18,804 --> 01:17:22,331
We thought a lot about this, man.
It's a great opportunity.

1173
01:17:22,441 --> 01:17:25,410
No, this right here is a great opportunity.

1174
01:17:25,511 --> 01:17:29,811
This business is the one that has limits.
And we've reached them, okay?

1175
01:17:29,915 --> 01:17:32,213
Me and Phil,
we got responsibilities to think about.

1176
01:17:32,318 --> 01:17:37,153
- We got futures to take into consideration.
- What about now? What about the kids?

1177
01:17:38,557 --> 01:17:40,525
These kids were fine before Daddy Day Care.

1178
01:17:40,626 --> 01:17:44,653
- They'll be fine when it's over.
- You tell yourself that, Charlie.

1179
01:17:45,364 --> 01:17:47,958
I finally found a place where I fit in...

1180
01:17:48,067 --> 01:17:51,332
where I feel like I'm doing something good,
and you guys just...

1181
01:17:51,437 --> 01:17:53,268
You just spoil it all.

1182
01:18:00,112 --> 01:18:02,012
That couldn't have gone worse.

1183
01:18:02,114 --> 01:18:05,277
If you think that went bad,
wait till we tell the kids.

1184
01:18:21,567 --> 01:18:23,330
Can I go to work with you?

1185
01:18:23,435 --> 01:18:26,893
No, you can't go to work with me,
but you can come visit me at work.

1186
01:18:27,006 --> 01:18:29,668
And Daddy will be home at night
and on the weekends.

1187
01:18:29,775 --> 01:18:34,337
- We'll still have lots of fun together.
- Will Phil and Marvin still be here?

1188
01:18:34,513 --> 01:18:38,005
No, I'm sorry, little man.
They won't be around anymore.

1189
01:18:38,884 --> 01:18:41,478
It's just for a while, right?

1190
01:18:41,587 --> 01:18:45,250
Then you're going to come back
and do Daddy Day Care again.

1191
01:18:46,725 --> 01:18:49,159
No, this is from now on.

1192
01:18:49,261 --> 01:18:52,458
Daddy Day Care,
we're not doing that anymore, Ben.

1193
01:18:54,566 --> 01:18:56,431
Let me explain it to you like this:

1194
01:18:56,535 --> 01:18:59,663
If Daddy does this, I can get money for us.

1195
01:18:59,938 --> 01:19:03,840
And I can use that money
to take care of the house and to buy food...

1196
01:19:03,942 --> 01:19:06,740
and clothes and toys for you to play with.

1197
01:19:07,179 --> 01:19:09,511
I'll sell all my toys.

1198
01:19:10,015 --> 01:19:12,483
Why you want to sell all your toys?

1199
01:19:12,685 --> 01:19:17,452
If I don't have toys, we don't need money,
and you can stay with me.

1200
01:19:20,726 --> 01:19:22,990
I wish it was that simple, Ben.

1201
01:19:26,498 --> 01:19:30,127
The development department will have
the first samples ready by next week.

1202
01:19:30,235 --> 01:19:32,294
Okay, let's kick it around.

1203
01:19:32,638 --> 01:19:35,573
What do you think of
when you think of cotton candy?

1204
01:19:35,674 --> 01:19:37,665
- Clowns.
- Chocolate.

1205
01:19:39,244 --> 01:19:40,472
Cavities.

1206
01:19:41,980 --> 01:19:44,881
Hyperactivity, cavities, and dentist bills.
That's what I...

1207
01:19:44,983 --> 01:19:47,679
I've been to the other side
and I've seen firsthand.

1208
01:19:47,786 --> 01:19:51,745
When kids eat this stuff, they crash down
so hard they need an air bag.

1209
01:19:51,857 --> 01:19:54,223
You know what
the ingredients are to these balls?

1210
01:19:54,326 --> 01:19:56,294
- Puffs.
- They're "puffs." I'm sorry.

1211
01:19:56,395 --> 01:19:58,989
You know what's in here?
Red dye number four and sugar.

1212
01:19:59,098 --> 01:20:02,590
You know what? Charlie is absolutely right.
You can't ignore the reality.

1213
01:20:02,701 --> 01:20:05,795
Parents are not going to want to buy
this product for their kids.

1214
01:20:05,904 --> 01:20:09,032
Not unless those kids stomp and scream...

1215
01:20:09,241 --> 01:20:13,803
and bang their little heads on the floor
till blood comes out of their ears.

1216
01:20:13,946 --> 01:20:16,210
Charlie, you got those figures
that I gave you?

1217
01:20:16,315 --> 01:20:19,443
Yeah, I got them right here.
Just give me a second to...

1218
01:20:20,352 --> 01:20:23,810
We had an independent marketing firm
do some preliminary research...

1219
01:20:23,922 --> 01:20:26,857
to sort out the core value of this product.

1220
01:20:27,459 --> 01:20:30,223
The subjects that were tested,
aged two to six...

1221
01:20:30,329 --> 01:20:32,559
which are key branding years...

1222
01:20:34,032 --> 01:20:38,264
- Charlie, you want to join us?
- I'm sorry about that, Jim. Yeah.

1223
01:20:39,304 --> 01:20:42,762
Why don't you tell everybody
what the core value is?

1224
01:20:43,008 --> 01:20:45,306
What's the most important thing?

1225
01:20:49,047 --> 01:20:50,207
My kid.

1226
01:20:55,654 --> 01:20:58,623
My kid, Jim, that's the most important thing.

1227
01:20:59,491 --> 01:21:02,392
And I think I've made a tremendous mistake.

1228
01:21:02,961 --> 01:21:05,987
And so, I quit.

1229
01:21:10,335 --> 01:21:12,769
What are you doing to me? You scared me.

1230
01:21:12,871 --> 01:21:15,533
- How was the marketing meeting?
- I quit.

1231
01:21:16,608 --> 01:21:18,075
- What?
- I quit.

1232
01:21:18,544 --> 01:21:20,307
- You quit?
- I quit and I feel great.

1233
01:21:20,412 --> 01:21:22,312
- You should quit with me.
- I should quit?

1234
01:21:22,414 --> 01:21:24,473
- You should quit right now.
- We just got here.

1235
01:21:24,583 --> 01:21:27,074
You want to feel how I'm feeling?
Quit. Come on.

1236
01:21:27,186 --> 01:21:29,654
- Quit!
- Quit with me.

1237
01:21:38,030 --> 01:21:41,466
You weren't going to sell the carrot suit,
were you? The kids love that.

1238
01:21:52,744 --> 01:21:54,177
This stuff...

1239
01:21:55,480 --> 01:21:57,573
is not for sale!

1240
01:21:58,750 --> 01:21:58,784
A literal reader of the text might say...

1241
01:21:58,784 --> 01:22:01,548
A literal reader of the text mig