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1
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:16,342
Kevin Smith directed and acted
in his New Jersey Chronicles:

2
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Clerks, Mallrats, 
Chasing Amy, Dogma...

3
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...and the final chapter,
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

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00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:26,652
Smith presents his own lens through
which we may view the world.

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00:00:26,826 --> 00:00:28,589
And although it's not
always rose-colored...

6
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...we learn a new way
to examine spirituality...

7
00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:35,191
...sexuality and human relationships.
Give it up for Kevin Smith!

8
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,795
Are there signs that say "applause"?

9
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'Cause I don't think I've ever
gotten a reaction like that.

10
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Reaction like that makes up for every
chick ever said I had a small dick.

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We'll just sit here until you're quiet
and then make up the time afterwards.

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Are we starting on this side?
Is that why the camera's in his face?

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00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:47,902
- First one of the night, dude.
- First question: What's a Nubian?

14
00:01:48,074 --> 00:01:50,736
No, I'm just...
I'm kidding.

15
00:01:52,545 --> 00:01:53,534
I'm sure that's a first.

16
00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:57,513
Not for nothing, but I will
do the fucking jokes here.

17
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:08,691
Well, there went all my questions.

18
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:14,391
Actually I got a lot.
But big question right now...

19
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I haven't heard the answer before.
You've probably stated it.

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You're Silent Bob in the movies.

21
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:25,243
You wrote and directed. Why give
yourself the Marcel Marceau part?

22
00:02:25,678 --> 00:02:29,409
I'm sorry. I stopped listening.

23
00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:40,620
Why give myself
the Marcel Marceau part?

24
00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:43,762
I would think it's obvious.
I can't really act.

25
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Which is why I wrote a movie
in which I was the lead.

26
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Because this is America,
damn it, you know.

27
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It happened by accident.

28
00:02:54,974 --> 00:02:58,205
I'd written the role
of Randal to play myself...

29
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...back when I wrote Clerks...

30
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:05,075
...which is why he has the best jokes.
As we got closer to production...

31
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...I was like, "Who am I kidding?
I can't act. I can't memorize dialogue.

32
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Who can memorize this in particular?"
There's a lot of dirty words in it.

33
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So I gave the part to Jeff Anderson,
a dude I'd went to high school with...

34
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:23,233
...who'd never shown any interest
in acting and was perfect for it.

35
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And I said, "If this is the only flick
I'm gonna make, I wanna be in it...

36
00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:31,676
...because I want to be able to look back
years from now when I'm still paying...

37
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...$28,000 in credit card debt,
get really drunk with my friends...

38
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:41,414
...and be like, 'Remember
the worst mistake of my life?

39
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The one I'm still paying for?

40
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Here it is. I'm in it.
Wait, here it comes.

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Look at that jackass."'

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I at least wanted to be in it.
So I was like, "What's left?"

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I said, "Silent Bob." I'd written the
part for a friend, Michael Bellicose...

44
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...and he wound up as the guy who
comes to the counter, and Dante's like:

45
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"My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks."

46
00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:07,438
And he says, "In a row?"

47
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That's the guy.
You guys are easy.

48
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I'm just, like, gonna
read from my scripts.

49
00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:21,227
Then on page 19 in Chasing Amy,
Banky said this.

50
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He was supposed to be Silent Bob.
I'd written it for him.

51
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:29,100
I thought he'd look good next to Mewes.
Mewes is thin and always moving...

52
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,066
...and Mike's the opposite.

53
00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:34,798
Then I said, "Wait a second.
I'm way bigger than Mike.

54
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:37,737
I'm way less mobile and way stockier."

55
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I said, "I don't have
to memorize dialogue...

56
00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:43,505
...and I'll look good standing
next to Mewes."

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Plus Mewes was not real reliable
when it came to acting.

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00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:52,214
So I could stand there and pinch him.
If you look at Clerks...

59
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:56,123
...and the other movies,
we stand closely in Clerks...

60
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...and sometimes
you see me going like:

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He's like:

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"Snoogins." You know.

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Because really, it is kind of like
two steps away from:

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So I did it because I wanted to
be in it and not do dialogue...

65
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:30,425
...having no idea that I'd be
so bereft of original ideas...

66
00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:33,565
...that I'd keep those characters
coming back.

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I wrote Jay for Jason Mewes
because I wanted to see him act...

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...and I thought he was funny and wanted
to see if others would find him funny.

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Then I jumped in, and I said...

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..."This is it. It's one time I'll be in
the flick. We may not make another."

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Then we kept going, and I kept bringing
back the characters because...

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...l'm not very creative and
because Jason Mewes is very funny.

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So I kept coming back with him.
You don't want to split them up.

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So I just kind of, you know,
stepped into it quite by accident.

75
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Well, thanks. And on behalf
of all big men everywhere...

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...doing a good job!

77
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Don't lump me in with you.

78
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I can say I'm fat.
When you say it, it's insulting.

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00:06:32,925 --> 00:06:37,259
I've been watching his movies for
a long time. I love all of them.

80
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I saw Mallrats first.
I fell in love with him after that.

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The first thing I saw was
Mallrats, and it was funny.

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I connected to it
for some reason.

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I love his dialogues in his movies,
like the random rampage people go on.

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Especially in Clerks.

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Me and my buddy Jay here have spent
a lot of time mentoring ourselves...

86
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...in the ways of Jay and Silent Bob.

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It's... Ever since, you know...
Clerks is really where we started off.

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Awesome.

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It's a whole new breed and a whole
new era of movie-making...

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...that he's brought on and everything
from Jersey has been wonderful.

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Kevin, thanks.
It's been a great ride.

92
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Do you think that this guy
looks like you over here?

93
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That guy?

94
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That's Nathan and Gene. I'm in a
sketch-comedy group with them...

95
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:54,299
...and we also wanted to know
if you wanna hang out after...

96
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...maybe go home and drink some beer.
Got a big house...

97
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Yeah, especially after that. Yeah.

98
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You guys had a little shtick going on.

99
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That was cute. Got right up and went,
"You be Jay, I'll be Silent Bob."

100
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That's tremendous.

101
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Don't ever fucking do that again.

102
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That routine is copyrighted.

103
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Does the cat look like me?
A little bit.

104
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How short's your hair?
Take your hat off.

105
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I would never wear a sweater like that.

106
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I guess it's easy to look like me.

107
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Just pack on, like, 400 pounds,
grow a beard.

108
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But can you do this?

109
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No?

110
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Fuck. Because I was hoping
to go out and get a cigarette.

111
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I figured you could take over
since we look so much alike.

112
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Is that it?

113
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Do you wanna hang out after?
We're gonna be...

114
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...drinking some beer and
smoking some tobacco.

115
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Like, fuck, no. No.

116
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:13,148
No. After the show,
I go home and go to sleep.

117
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:19,954
- Why? What?
- We're gonna have fun.

118
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:24,529
- I can give you our phone number after.
- All right. Stick around.

119
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- Okay. Thanks.
- Wait a second. Why "oh"?

120
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Like, am I supposed to get stoned,
fuck a sheep, something like that?

121
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I wanted to thank you for coming here.
I got fired from my job so I could come.

122
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- Get out of here. What a waste of time.
- I'm dead serious.

123
00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:44,406
Where did you work?

124
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,984
It's a Italian restaurant.
I was busing.

125
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- Really?
- Yeah.

126
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:51,051
- Want me to call your boss?
- Yeah!

127
00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:53,214
- I'll get you the number.
- All right.

128
00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:56,759
- Okay.
- Write it down and bring it up here.

129
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"This is Kevin Smith."
"Who?"

130
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"It's Silent Bob, man."
"Who?"

131
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:13,736
What's his number?

132
00:10:20,252 --> 00:10:22,083
Come up.

133
00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:31,463
- What's the number?
- Right, the number is 8-1-2...

134
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,122
- That's the area code?
- Yeah.

135
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:37,226
9-3...

136
00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:39,465
- Ask for... 
- Shut up.

137
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,698
- Tara's working...
- Get him on the phone.

138
00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:44,741
And then I'll talk to him. Go.

139
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,612
Like to help when I can.

140
00:10:47,913 --> 00:10:53,351
Amy, hey, this is Matt.
Is Tara or Teresa still there? Okay.

141
00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:56,386
They're about to come on.

142
00:10:56,555 --> 00:10:58,147
- Which one?
- I don't know.

143
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,258
- They'll say.
- What's your name?

144
00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:02,917
Matt. Brown.

145
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:11,666
- Lf this works, I want 10 percent.
- All right.

146
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:17,568
Hey, Tara, this is Kevin Smith.
I'm here with... What's his name?

147
00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:20,211
- Matt Brown.
- Matt Brown?

148
00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:22,813
A dude who used to work there
until tonight?

149
00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:25,473
He wanted me
to smooth things over.

150
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:31,317
He's in a room with about 30...
3200? 3200 people.

151
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:37,128
Sorry. And he said that he had to...

152
00:11:37,296 --> 00:11:39,856
- Did you quit or get fired?
- A little of both.

153
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:43,399
He said his job's in jeopardy
because he came...

154
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:48,199
...and he wanted me to ask
you if you could keep him on.

155
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,774
- No?
- No!

156
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:58,415
They're turning on you, Tara.

157
00:11:59,985 --> 00:12:02,510
Are you sure? Are you sure?

158
00:12:03,923 --> 00:12:06,949
- Thank you.
- No?

159
00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:10,423
Thanks a lot. Anyway.

160
00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:24,635
I just... I have no juice whatsoever.

161
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:37,650
We're all proud to have Kevin
here as part of the Clark community.

162
00:12:37,823 --> 00:12:41,088
I ignored my Jewish duty
to be here tonight.

163
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:45,287
I'm a huge fan of Kevin Smith and his
films and his comic books he's written...

164
00:12:45,464 --> 00:12:47,762
...with Green Arrow and Daredevil.

165
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:52,165
I read on your website how you
had just finished Jersey Girl...

166
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:55,136
...and it was, I wanna say, 184 pages...

167
00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:59,133
...and how you were thinking
of doing that with Affleck...

168
00:12:59,311 --> 00:13:03,441
...but he was doing Daredevil
and there was stuff going on...

169
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,084
- There was static.
- There we go.

170
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:08,311
I was wondering
if you could tell me about it.

171
00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:10,284
- Elaborate?
- Lf you could.

172
00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:13,922
- I think you had all the details.
- Okay.

173
00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:18,223
Back in...
On the Fourth of July I went to...

174
00:13:18,397 --> 00:13:21,298
I was in Los Angeles
working on Jay and Bob...

175
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:24,561
...and we went to Affleck's house
for Fourth of July.

176
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:26,762
He's a big fan of Chasing Amy.

177
00:13:26,939 --> 00:13:29,874
Still is, to this day.
He liked playing the Holden part.

178
00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:32,704
He wants me to write
something like that again.

179
00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:36,609
He's like, "Write something like
Chasing Amy again. You've gotta.

180
00:13:36,782 --> 00:13:41,481
Who else could write it?
You've gotta. Fuck! Write it."

181
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:46,421
And I'm just like, "Motherfucker,
one of us won an Oscar for writing."

182
00:13:49,962 --> 00:13:53,591
I started telling him about
this idea for a movie...

183
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:56,064
...which would become Jersey Girl.

184
00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:58,795
He's like, "I love it. Write it."
I said, "I will.

185
00:13:58,971 --> 00:14:00,836
When do you wanna do it?"
He said, "April."

186
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,871
I said, "Yeah. April's good."

187
00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:05,169
It was July, and we had a few months.

188
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:10,680
I'd written 40 pages, and I sent them
to him, and he fell in love with it...

189
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:15,184
...because I'm like a pusher.
You know, the first taste is free.

190
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:18,152
And then you have to pay for the rest.

191
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:21,521
And how he pays is
we make him work very cheap.

192
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,185
He earns $ 15 million a picture...

193
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:28,163
...but we bring him on and pay him
about $ 15 an hour.

194
00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:30,196
Around the same time...

195
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:34,203
...there's a dude named Mark Steven
Johnson who's directing Daredevil.

196
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:38,104
He'd been hanging around while
we were shooting the movie.

197
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:42,611
He said, "Who could play Daredevil?"
And I said, "Affleck."

198
00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:46,308
'Cause that's my answer for everything.
I think Affleck could play...

199
00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:51,252
I'm a big fan, so I think he can play
anything. If people are like, "Jaws 5?"

200
00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:56,326
I'm like, "Affleck.
Affleck plays the fucking shark."

201
00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:00,690
So I was like, "Affleck."
He said, "You think?"

202
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:03,130
I said, "He'd be great.
He'd dye his hair red."

203
00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:06,294
Because Matt Murdock,
Daredevil, is a redhead.

204
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:08,337
I said, "He'd be great, and he's a fan.

205
00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:11,499
He wrote the intro to the
Daredevil paperback I did."

206
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:15,443
I told Affleck, "There's a dude
checking if you wanna play Daredevil."

207
00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:18,208
He's like, "I love Daredevil. "
I said, "That's what I told him."

208
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:19,715
He said, "What'd you say?"
I said, "You should play it."

209
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:22,911
He said, "Why?" I was like,
"I think you should play everything."

210
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:27,422
"Like, even the shark from Jaws?"
"Yes, the shark from Jaws. "

211
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:31,529
So they hooked up, and they
kind of dug each other...

212
00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:34,860
...and soon Affleck called me
and was just like...

213
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:40,529
..."I'm doing it. I'm gonna put on
the red tights and have the horns."

214
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:45,609
I was like, "It couldn't be any more
embarrassing than Pearl Harbor. "

215
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:54,408
I said, "When do you start?"
He goes, "April."

216
00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:57,783
I said, "That's when
we're doing Jersey Girl. "

217
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,425
He said, "We can wait on Jersey Girl.

218
00:16:00,592 --> 00:16:03,117
I do Daredevil,
I get paid my big nut...

219
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:07,561
...and then we go do Jersey Girl,
and you pay me $ 15 an hour."

220
00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:12,170
I said, "I don't know, man, I think
we should do Jersey Girl first."

221
00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:15,501
He's like, "Don't get upset."
I said, "I'm not upset, but fair's fair."

222
00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:17,699
He's like,
"You recommended me."

223
00:16:17,876 --> 00:16:22,404
"I didn't know it would coincide
with Jersey Girl. Fuck Daredevil. "

224
00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:25,607
Because I'll turncoat real quickly.

225
00:16:25,784 --> 00:16:28,753
At this point, I haven't even written
more than 40 pages...

226
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:33,221
...but I insist that we go in April,
even though I'm not done.

227
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:39,456
So two weeks go by, and he calls.
I'd let word leak out through Miramax...

228
00:16:39,631 --> 00:16:43,465
...that we were gonna go in April
with or without Ben.

229
00:16:43,635 --> 00:16:48,129
He calls and is like, "You'll shoot
with somebody else? That's for me."

230
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:53,040
I said, "But you're gonna put
on the tights, so fuck you."

231
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:55,507
He said, "How we gonna work this out?"

232
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:58,445
I said, "I'm going in April, and
if you're there, great.

233
00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:01,279
If not, no hard feelings.
Go do Daredevil.

234
00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:05,685
But I want to do something in April.
I want to do this movie."

235
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,588
He's like, "Jesus Christ.
Look, if you...

236
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:12,424
If you're saying you want me
to do Jersey Girl in April...

237
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:16,728
...and you want me to
pass on Daredevil, I will."

238
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:21,300
I was just like, "Well, if we
move the movie to the summer...

239
00:17:21,473 --> 00:17:26,672
...you have to promise to take far,
far less than you normally take."

240
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:32,074
And he was just like,
"God. Fine, dude. If that'll do it."

241
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:34,549
I said, "Excellent.
That means a lot to me."

242
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:40,750
Then there's a long pause, and he's
putting shit together in his mind...

243
00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:45,659
...and he goes, "You didn't finish
writing the fucking script yet, did you?"

244
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:49,962
And I said, "Nope, sucker. Goodbye."

245
00:18:00,345 --> 00:18:01,471
I'm excited.

246
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:04,707
I have a couple of
great questions for him.

247
00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:06,407
I really like Mallrats.

248
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:10,021
He uses a large vocabulary and
manages to get obscenities in there too.

249
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:15,386
When we called up the activity board,
we said we'd be shooting at Kent State.

250
00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:17,995
They were like, "Bullshit!

251
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:32,403
We went through that shit
once before. Never again!"

252
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:38,011
That's a tough thing. That'll always be
associated with this school.

253
00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:40,879
They'll never live it down.
The shooting.

254
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:44,682
It's a horrible thing,
but it's kind of like Germany.

255
00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:49,084
Kent State's not like Germany,
but I went to Germany...

256
00:18:49,261 --> 00:18:53,288
...with one of the flicks, and they're
nice people, but when you get there...

257
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:57,663
...the first thing, you're like,
"Where's the concentration camps?

258
00:18:57,836 --> 00:19:03,672
We want to see the camps where you
slaughtered many people. Where?"

259
00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:07,039
They're like, "They're here,
but we're Germans...

260
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:13,617
...we make cars and culture, beer.
I'm sure you like beer.

261
00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:16,686
Wouldn't you like to see
any of that?"

262
00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:19,289
We're like,
"Just the concentration camps.

263
00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:24,495
We want to see the biggest colossal
blunder of any culture, anywhere.

264
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:28,656
Take us." They're like,
"All right, get in the fucking car."

265
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:33,066
There's always an older person,
like the cab driver.

266
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:35,832
And you're like, "Were you around?"

267
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,306
The dude's like 26.

268
00:19:39,311 --> 00:19:44,271
And he's like, "No, but my grandparents
were. They were alive."

269
00:19:44,449 --> 00:19:48,715
"Well, did they know? Were they
in trouble? Tell us. What? More!"

270
00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:51,515
The guy's like...
He's heard it a zillion times.

271
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:57,720
"They teach it in school, and then we go
accuse our grandparents of atrocities."

272
00:19:58,830 --> 00:20:02,231
I think that's what he said.
I can't understand German.

273
00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:06,337
I'm sure he was just like,
"Shut the fuck up, fat American."

274
00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:11,234
That's a tough thing to live down.
One day somebody from Kent State...

275
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:15,813
...will cure cancer, and it'll be,
"At Kent State we cured cancer."

276
00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:18,882
And they'll be like, "Yeah, but didn't
you have those shootings there?"

277
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:27,086
I'm hoping for mass carnage
and orgies and chaos.

278
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:30,353
It'll be weird to hear him talk
for more than two seconds at a time.

279
00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:35,728
He doesn't say much in the movie, but
when he does, everyone turns and looks.

280
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,062
There are questions I wanna ask.

281
00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:41,667
- Gotta love the dialogue in Clerks. 
- Mallrats. Much better.

282
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:46,402
- How come?
- More lowbrow humor. I love that.

283
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:49,069
- Third nipple's awesome.
- Dick and fart jokes.

284
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:52,308
I hope Jay shows up.
They do some crazy stuff.

285
00:20:52,484 --> 00:20:55,476
I was supposed to have
somebody with me today.

286
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:59,488
However, fucking moron
missed his plane.

287
00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:04,228
But I brought the phone
so we can call him.

288
00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:09,596
Bear with me.

289
00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:14,701
- See you later, man.
- Get off the cell phone!

290
00:21:14,873 --> 00:21:17,671
How much you guys pay for this?

291
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:21,908
- Hello. 
- Hello. Hold on.

292
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:26,141
I'm in... I'm in fucking Wyoming.

293
00:21:26,551 --> 00:21:29,952
You should see it. It's desolate.

294
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,653
What's up?

295
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:40,758
I'm driving out here,
there's nobody on the road.

296
00:21:40,932 --> 00:21:45,164
It was like the opening
of Mallrats. Nobody.

297
00:21:45,570 --> 00:21:47,561
That's why I didn't go.

298
00:21:47,739 --> 00:21:49,502
I'm gonna count to three...

299
00:21:49,675 --> 00:21:54,044
...you say, "Hello, Wyoming."
Ready? One, two, three.

300
00:21:54,212 --> 00:21:57,238
What up, Wyoming?

301
00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:05,578
Don't cheer too loud.
He missed his fucking plane.

302
00:22:05,757 --> 00:22:09,557
Explain to these people why
you're not here. On three.

303
00:22:09,728 --> 00:22:14,028
- Jay, you fucking stoner!
- One, two, three.

304
00:22:14,199 --> 00:22:19,967
I missed the plane, man. 
I overslept. I was getting ass.

305
00:22:20,138 --> 00:22:23,005
- You're not supposed...
- You fucking asshole!

306
00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:29,136
Somebody just called you a
fucking asshole. Kick his ass, dude.

307
00:22:29,314 --> 00:22:32,681
You can't miss shit like this, dude.

308
00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:38,221
When they put "Jay and Silent Bob"
on the marquee, you have to show up.

309
00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:39,379
Fuck that.

310
00:22:39,558 --> 00:22:44,860
- We fire people for this kind of thing.
- What are you talking about?

311
00:22:58,176 --> 00:23:02,636
What up? Look at that.
Look at that sign.

312
00:23:19,197 --> 00:23:21,427
We tricked them, dude.

313
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,228
Who called me an asshole?

314
00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:27,668
- Who called me the asshole?
- That dude over there.

315
00:23:27,839 --> 00:23:30,808
What's up, dude? What's up?

316
00:23:30,976 --> 00:23:34,377
So that was our little bit
for the evening.

317
00:23:34,546 --> 00:23:36,605
It was good.

318
00:23:36,782 --> 00:23:41,617
You can see we're such great actors
they gave us our own movie once.

319
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:44,954
And that'll never happen again.

320
00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:49,756
- My name is Erin Guy.
- Hi.

321
00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:52,829
- Hi, how you doing?
- I'm good.

322
00:23:52,998 --> 00:23:54,863
I'm very well, thank you.

323
00:23:55,033 --> 00:23:56,694
- Two questions.
- Yes.

324
00:23:56,868 --> 00:23:59,496
One, how did you come up with
the characters Jay and Silent Bob?

325
00:23:59,671 --> 00:24:03,698
- Yes.
- And two, are either of you married?

326
00:24:04,342 --> 00:24:08,244
To each other?
Because it feels like it.

327
00:24:08,413 --> 00:24:12,907
How did I come up with Jay and
Silent Bob? It came from Mewes.

328
00:24:13,084 --> 00:24:15,882
Growing up...
Watching Mewes grow up, rather...

329
00:24:16,054 --> 00:24:20,514
All right, chill the fuck out.
Get the microphone, come on down.

330
00:24:20,692 --> 00:24:25,095
You can be on camera, don't sit
pussy back and be like, "Yeah!"

331
00:24:32,437 --> 00:24:37,033
Basically, Jay and Silent Bob
came from knowing Jason Mewes.

332
00:24:37,209 --> 00:24:40,838
When I went off to film school
in Canada, I said:

333
00:24:41,012 --> 00:24:43,378
"I'm gonna come back and
put you in a movie."

334
00:24:43,548 --> 00:24:47,917
He said, "Okay." At that point, he was
straight edge. He wore the black X.

335
00:24:48,086 --> 00:24:51,021
- And he was just like no...
- Bullshit!

336
00:24:51,189 --> 00:24:53,453
Exactly. This:

337
00:24:53,625 --> 00:24:57,527
No booze, no drugs,
no cigarettes, no women.

338
00:24:57,696 --> 00:25:02,224
The women thing confused me.
Straight edge, I understand, is...

339
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,391
...no booze, no drugs, no cigarettes.

340
00:25:04,569 --> 00:25:08,335
But most straight edge people
fucked, except for this guy.

341
00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:13,240
Since he didn't fuck, he was like,
"Well, no, they're no good either."

342
00:25:13,411 --> 00:25:16,005
Because he wasn't getting laid.

343
00:25:16,781 --> 00:25:20,410
But he would talk about pussy
incessantly. All the time.

344
00:25:20,585 --> 00:25:25,648
Like, "I'm gonna get that pussy.
I'm gonna lick it, I'm gonna do this."

345
00:25:29,628 --> 00:25:34,793
You look at him, and you're like, "You
haven't seen pussy since you were born!"

346
00:25:35,300 --> 00:25:38,064
You could tell, because
he talked a good game...

347
00:25:38,236 --> 00:25:41,603
...but as soon as a girl was around,
he'd fucking clam up.

348
00:25:41,773 --> 00:25:46,005
And he'd get on his stone face.
His "I am Mewes," very cool face.

349
00:25:46,177 --> 00:25:48,111
He'd be like,
"I'm gonna lick that pussy."

350
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:52,046
The girl would be coming over here.
He's like, "I'm gonna lick..."

351
00:25:52,417 --> 00:25:57,480
This used to be... He doesn't do it now.
This used to be his cool face.

352
00:26:00,625 --> 00:26:03,822
With the eyes affixed
to whoever he was studying.

353
00:26:03,995 --> 00:26:06,930
But looking this way
and they were that way.

354
00:26:07,098 --> 00:26:11,364
It was a peripheral thing.
Then the girl would walk past him.

355
00:26:19,477 --> 00:26:24,039
Then the moment she was out
of his peripheral and earshot...

356
00:26:24,215 --> 00:26:27,412
...he'd be like,
"I'm gonna lick that pussy."

357
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:33,617
So he talked a good game, and then
I left for Vancouver and came back.

358
00:26:33,792 --> 00:26:36,955
I dropped out after four months,
but I was gone for a total of six.

359
00:26:37,128 --> 00:26:40,825
By the time I came back,
he was completely debauched.

360
00:26:40,999 --> 00:26:44,196
Like, you know,
the straight X was long gone.

361
00:26:44,369 --> 00:26:46,894
And the "no women" thing was
also long gone.

362
00:26:47,072 --> 00:26:50,405
If he had a belt that was notched...

363
00:26:50,575 --> 00:26:54,739
...it would be like the fucking
Chewbacca belt around his body.

364
00:26:57,115 --> 00:27:02,644
Because he's like the Wilt Chamberlain
of indie film. He's fucked a lot.

365
00:27:02,821 --> 00:27:04,652
Right?

366
00:27:05,757 --> 00:27:08,692
When I came back,
he was a little different...

367
00:27:08,860 --> 00:27:11,852
...but I wrote Jay based
on who he was when I left...

368
00:27:12,030 --> 00:27:17,127
...who he was when he was younger.
The weird sonic boom with dirt on it.

369
00:27:22,574 --> 00:27:23,642
- Thanks.
- How long have you known each other?

370
00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:25,507
- Thanks.
- How long have you known each other?

371
00:27:25,677 --> 00:27:28,771
Obviously, a long time,
but I don't follow up.

372
00:27:28,947 --> 00:27:32,883
I'm not like, you know,
a connoisseur, but...

373
00:27:33,051 --> 00:27:37,215
I love your guys'
movies and everything...

374
00:27:37,389 --> 00:27:41,189
But... No... Okay, I'm
digging a hole here, so...

375
00:27:41,926 --> 00:27:44,087
Just deep.

376
00:27:44,562 --> 00:27:47,827
- It's like 13 years.
- Yeah.

377
00:27:47,999 --> 00:27:51,799
You don't have to be a connoisseur
to know that, though.

378
00:27:52,003 --> 00:27:56,099
I met him through my friends
Bryan and Walter at the Rec Center.

379
00:27:56,274 --> 00:27:58,401
I worked with them for a year...

380
00:27:58,576 --> 00:28:02,945
...and then I left. And they told me
these stories about Mewes...

381
00:28:03,114 --> 00:28:05,776
...who everybody kind of knew,
but didn't know.

382
00:28:05,950 --> 00:28:09,647
He was younger than us,
but you saw him in town.

383
00:28:09,821 --> 00:28:15,782
He was the town's kid, the kid of
urban legend or suburban legend.

384
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:19,953
"There's Mewes. He broke the
fucking window at Katz's."

385
00:28:20,131 --> 00:28:23,623
Or, "Here's the Mewes kid.
I hear he fucked a dog."

386
00:28:25,904 --> 00:28:29,840
- Did you really fuck the dog?
- Only once.

387
00:28:31,142 --> 00:28:35,203
I didn't know him, and Bryan and Walter
would tell me stories about him.

388
00:28:35,513 --> 00:28:38,346
They're like, "He's so funny.
He says these funny things.

389
00:28:38,516 --> 00:28:41,713
He's really fucking weird and funny."

390
00:28:41,886 --> 00:28:46,118
I didn't like that, 'cause I was their new
funny friend, so I was kind of territorial.

391
00:28:46,291 --> 00:28:49,283
We'd go to comic book shows,
and I'd drive to the city...

392
00:28:49,461 --> 00:28:52,828
...because they were too pussy
to drive to the city.

393
00:28:52,997 --> 00:28:55,932
One day Bryan and Walter
showed up with Mewes.

394
00:28:56,101 --> 00:29:01,664
I said, "What's this? What's with
the kid? What, are you babysitting?"

395
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:06,675
They said, "We're gonna bring him.
He loves comics, take him to the show.

396
00:29:06,845 --> 00:29:09,712
Make fun of the people there. Not us."

397
00:29:09,881 --> 00:29:12,907
I said, "I'm not bringing
a minor across state lines."

398
00:29:13,084 --> 00:29:16,576
The show was in New York.
Bryan was like, "I'll drive."

399
00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:20,316
Mewes is the kind of asshole
that's like, "Shotgun!"

400
00:29:22,627 --> 00:29:27,621
He jumps in the front, and I'm crammed
in the back. What was it, a Firebird?

401
00:29:27,799 --> 00:29:28,788
Yeah.

402
00:29:28,967 --> 00:29:31,902
With my knees
up to my fucking ears...

403
00:29:32,070 --> 00:29:35,164
...and he's in the front:

404
00:29:35,340 --> 00:29:36,807
"Snootch. Snoogins."

405
00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:39,766
And Bryan and Walter are like:

406
00:29:39,944 --> 00:29:43,277
I'm in the back, like,
"He ain't so fucking funny."

407
00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:49,849
Bryan and Walter lost interest in him,
and he started coming over to my place.

408
00:29:50,021 --> 00:29:53,422
He'd knock, and I'd go
out and be like, "What?"

409
00:29:53,591 --> 00:29:56,185
And he'd be like, "You want to do
something today?"

410
00:29:56,361 --> 00:29:58,352
I was like, "No."

411
00:29:58,530 --> 00:30:01,863
I said, "We share friends,
but we're not friends.

412
00:30:02,033 --> 00:30:04,763
We're both friends
with Bryan and Walter.

413
00:30:04,936 --> 00:30:08,736
I know you live around the block,
but we don't hang out."

414
00:30:08,907 --> 00:30:12,399
He's like, "All right, all right.
So, what do you want to do?"

415
00:30:13,411 --> 00:30:17,575
I said, "If you really want to hang out,
come with me to the store...

416
00:30:17,749 --> 00:30:20,912
...Quick Stop, 5:30 Sunday morning.
We'll make papers."

417
00:30:21,085 --> 00:30:22,746
You ever make papers?

418
00:30:22,921 --> 00:30:26,448
The Sunday newspapers
come in, like, five sections.

419
00:30:26,624 --> 00:30:29,957
You have to put them together.
We had five Sunday papers...

420
00:30:30,128 --> 00:30:31,425
...which was a lot.

421
00:30:31,596 --> 00:30:35,191
You have 200 of each, so you're
doing this for hours upon end.

422
00:30:35,366 --> 00:30:37,630
- That job sucks!
- Terrible, isn't it?

423
00:30:37,802 --> 00:30:40,703
- Yes.
- This one's not much better.

424
00:30:41,072 --> 00:30:44,940
I'd asked Bryan and Walter
to go, and they're like, "Fuck you."

425
00:30:45,109 --> 00:30:48,340
"5:30, Sunday morning, it'll be fun."
They were like, "No."

426
00:30:48,513 --> 00:30:51,175
But Mewes, I was like,
"You want to hang out?

427
00:30:51,349 --> 00:30:54,512
Come down to the store.
I'll give you $2.00."

428
00:30:55,420 --> 00:30:58,548
He was like, "All right."
So he'd come down.

429
00:30:58,723 --> 00:31:02,215
We'd stack some of them
on the ice cream case...

430
00:31:02,393 --> 00:31:06,727
...that Dante and Randal sit on in
Clerks when he's doing the salsa shark.

431
00:31:06,898 --> 00:31:11,232
We'd stack them there, and Mewes
would sleep on the freezer case.

432
00:31:11,402 --> 00:31:16,669
Mewes is a horrible fucking sleeper.
When he sleeps, he drools like a child.

433
00:31:16,841 --> 00:31:20,004
Here's this dude sleeping
with his mouth open...

434
00:31:20,178 --> 00:31:24,672
...tons of liquid pouring out
onto the freezer case and freezing.

435
00:31:24,849 --> 00:31:29,309
So he had this icicle thing going on.
Then people would get papers...

436
00:31:29,487 --> 00:31:33,218
...and as the piles got lower
and lower, he'd show up.

437
00:31:33,391 --> 00:31:36,155
So somebody would be like,
"What the fuck!"

438
00:31:36,327 --> 00:31:39,353
We started hanging out that way
and bonded.

439
00:31:39,530 --> 00:31:43,591
The day that I realized he was a
comedic genius without knowing it...

440
00:31:43,768 --> 00:31:45,895
...hopefully he still doesn't know it...

441
00:31:46,070 --> 00:31:48,971
...was the day that Walter and I
were in the Rec Center...

442
00:31:49,140 --> 00:31:51,301
...the kids hadn't come in yet...

443
00:31:51,476 --> 00:31:55,708
...and it's all quiet and the door
fucking gets kicked open.

444
00:31:55,880 --> 00:32:01,841
Mewes marches in like Groucho Marx
and fellates anything somewhat phallic.

445
00:32:02,020 --> 00:32:05,251
So if there's a pool cue,
he's sucking it off.

446
00:32:05,423 --> 00:32:07,584
Grabs the phone,
sucks it off.

447
00:32:07,759 --> 00:32:11,286
Grabs the flag,
takes the eagle off, sucks it off.

448
00:32:11,462 --> 00:32:15,626
Everything, going...
Sucking everything in the room off.

449
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:20,032
Walter and I are watching
him go, just like:

450
00:32:21,306 --> 00:32:23,206
He never looked at us for approval.

451
00:32:23,374 --> 00:32:26,639
Like, "This is funny.
I'm sucking everything off."

452
00:32:26,811 --> 00:32:29,939
Almost like he didn't know
we were there or didn't care.

453
00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:35,279
Like, he had an agenda. I always
pictured him walking around town going...

454
00:32:35,453 --> 00:32:39,753
..."It's 2:30. I better go to the Rec
and suck everything off."

455
00:32:43,094 --> 00:32:46,222
He does this for 15 minutes,
then reaches...

456
00:32:46,397 --> 00:32:49,560
We had an Asteroids machine,
which, if you remember...

457
00:32:49,734 --> 00:32:52,601
...has a roller ball instead
of a joystick.

458
00:32:52,770 --> 00:32:58,299
And he fucking stops dead.
Because there's no joystick.

459
00:32:58,476 --> 00:33:00,671
And me and Walter are like:

460
00:33:02,714 --> 00:33:06,878
You know, 'cause what's a guy to do?
He ran out of phallic symbols.

461
00:33:07,051 --> 00:33:10,543
And he shrugged, and he went
down on the roller ball.

462
00:33:20,765 --> 00:33:24,667
So I said, "This is a dude
I wanna hang out with forever."

463
00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:28,932
Because A: He's pretty funny.
B: He looks like he sucks a lot of dick.

464
00:33:29,207 --> 00:33:32,734
For them slow nights,
that's a good guy to have around.

465
00:33:32,944 --> 00:33:36,141
It's like, "No chicks.
We saw all the movies.

466
00:33:36,347 --> 00:33:38,178
Wanna suck my dick?"

467
00:33:38,383 --> 00:33:43,685
"All right, moves."
We've been hanging out for 13 years.

468
00:33:43,888 --> 00:33:44,877
- Cool.
- Okay.

469
00:33:45,056 --> 00:33:46,717
- Thanks for coming.
- Thanks for having.

470
00:33:46,924 --> 00:33:50,553
In the comics and the movies,
does Jay's tiny dick...

471
00:33:50,728 --> 00:33:55,358
...and latent homosexuality come
from his escapades at the Rec Center?

472
00:33:55,566 --> 00:33:58,433
Or is there something else
behind that?

473
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:06,374
- You're writing the shit.
- Yeah.

474
00:34:06,544 --> 00:34:08,808
- What are you writing about?
- So I should answer?

475
00:34:08,980 --> 00:34:12,575
- Answer it, Jay.
- Yeah, why don't you answer.

476
00:34:12,750 --> 00:34:14,411
- What?
- Is any of it true?

477
00:34:14,585 --> 00:34:18,681
Well, are you asking
if I have a small dick?

478
00:34:18,890 --> 00:34:22,553
I don't know about my dick.
I don't know if it's small.

479
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,558
I know it's not big, though.
But...

480
00:34:25,763 --> 00:34:28,789
You got a thousand judges here.
Whip it out.

481
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,195
- I'm not... 
- They'll let you know.

482
00:34:31,369 --> 00:34:33,894
I'm not gay, though.
No, I love pussy.

483
00:34:34,105 --> 00:34:38,235
I love pussy. So much.

484
00:34:38,843 --> 00:34:42,802
- Pull his cock out of your mouth, dude.
- Who, him? Me or him?

485
00:34:43,014 --> 00:34:47,678
No, they're talking about me.
No, I like the cock in my mouth.

486
00:34:48,853 --> 00:34:52,220
Why don't you put a cock in
your mouth and shut your face.

487
00:34:57,795 --> 00:34:59,888
You got unleashed for a second.

488
00:35:00,064 --> 00:35:04,660
You're like, "Put a fucking cock
in your mouth and shut your face."

489
00:35:06,437 --> 00:35:11,374
Jay and Silent Bob have great
chemistry, great sexual tension.

490
00:35:11,576 --> 00:35:15,103
How come in the last one they
never got it on? I was disappointed.

491
00:35:15,313 --> 00:35:17,338
How come they didn't just fuck?

492
00:35:17,548 --> 00:35:21,609
- Yeah. The whole movie... 
- Wait till DVD. Wait till DVD.

493
00:35:28,025 --> 00:35:33,588
Thank you. On your final project,
Jay and Silent Bob porn, whole movie.

494
00:35:33,798 --> 00:35:35,129
Jay and Silent Bob porn.

495
00:35:35,333 --> 00:35:39,827
There are days when I'm afraid
that that will become true...

496
00:35:40,037 --> 00:35:43,529
...because Mewes isn't the most
discerning actor on the planet.

497
00:35:43,708 --> 00:35:47,075
He was hanging out with
this dude named Johnny Nitro.

498
00:35:47,245 --> 00:35:50,840
Guy makes porn. He was like,
"I went to the set of a porn."

499
00:35:51,048 --> 00:35:55,815
I was like, "What was that like?"
He was like, "It was cool.

500
00:35:56,020 --> 00:35:59,979
They were fucking, and they asked
me if I wanted to get in, so I was..."

501
00:36:00,158 --> 00:36:02,183
I said, "Wait. Wh...? What?"

502
00:36:02,693 --> 00:36:07,221
He was like, "It was a courtroom scene.
They asked if I wanted to sit in the jury."

503
00:36:07,732 --> 00:36:13,193
I said, "You didn't do it, did you?"
And he was like, "N... No."

504
00:36:13,404 --> 00:36:16,100
I was like, "Just as long as it's no."

505
00:36:16,307 --> 00:36:19,470
So periodically I cruise
the porn aisle...

506
00:36:19,677 --> 00:36:22,942
...to make sure Mewes
isn't in any of the movies.

507
00:36:23,147 --> 00:36:25,081
Just for that, you know.

508
00:36:25,283 --> 00:36:28,343
But, no Jay and Bob porn
in the future.

509
00:36:28,553 --> 00:36:33,923
There is a Jay porn that exists without
Silent Bob. But Silent Bob watched it.

510
00:36:34,125 --> 00:36:36,252
- Can I get a copy?
- A copy?

511
00:36:36,427 --> 00:36:38,122
Yeah.

512
00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:43,395
Not tonight. Because I don't
have it on me.

513
00:36:43,601 --> 00:36:46,866
But I'll try to make it
publicly available.

514
00:36:47,071 --> 00:36:49,767
We sell everything else
on that website of ours.

515
00:36:51,976 --> 00:36:55,503
www.viewaskew.com

516
00:36:55,713 --> 00:36:59,706
- You like Jay, do you?
- Yeah.

517
00:37:08,359 --> 00:37:11,624
Is he single? Is he single?

518
00:37:11,829 --> 00:37:14,764
Is he single? Yeah.

519
00:37:14,966 --> 00:37:19,562
Inasmuch as, like,
he's tied to no one person.

520
00:37:19,770 --> 00:37:24,173
- So there's a chance?
- There's always a chance, my friend.

521
00:37:25,409 --> 00:37:27,775
- Thank you.
- Okay.

522
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:39,515
- Hey, Kevin...
- Wait. Wait. Wait.

523
00:37:39,724 --> 00:37:43,216
You saying you're
"into Mewes" into Mewes?

524
00:37:44,595 --> 00:37:46,529
Not yet.

525
00:37:58,075 --> 00:38:01,772
You owe me for
that tremendous setup, sir.

526
00:38:01,979 --> 00:38:05,176
Would you like to hear
about how he almost got married?

527
00:38:05,349 --> 00:38:07,180
- Yes.
- Yeah.

528
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:11,711
You gotta ask him one day.
It's pretty funny.

529
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:20,590
Mewes had a girlfriend for a long time.

530
00:38:20,798 --> 00:38:23,995
And one day...
I don't wanna say her name...

531
00:38:24,201 --> 00:38:28,069
...'cause he's no longer with her.
We were going to the mall...

532
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:31,868
...and he goes, "So I did it last night.
I asked..."

533
00:38:32,043 --> 00:38:35,069
Fuck it, her name's Jamie.
"I asked Jamie to marry me."

534
00:38:35,279 --> 00:38:39,773
And I said, "Really?"
He's like, "I kind of did it all cool too."

535
00:38:39,984 --> 00:38:45,650
He has this fish tank. He's like,
"I got her these expensive fish...

536
00:38:45,856 --> 00:38:51,761
...and then I put the ring in this box
at the bottom of the fish tank...

537
00:38:51,962 --> 00:38:55,728
...you know, bubbles,
a little treasure chest, and it opens...

538
00:38:55,933 --> 00:38:58,766
...and she came in, and I said,
'Look at the fish. '

539
00:38:58,936 --> 00:39:02,804
She saw the ring, and I got down
on one knee and proposed."

540
00:39:03,007 --> 00:39:07,706
I was like, "That is really fucking
cool, man. Like, I'm shocked. You?

541
00:39:09,013 --> 00:39:12,141
That is really sweet.
I wish I'd been there for that.

542
00:39:12,316 --> 00:39:14,750
It would've been nice to be a
fly on the wall for that."

543
00:39:14,952 --> 00:39:17,682
He's like, "Well, I taped it."

544
00:39:18,622 --> 00:39:20,283
I said, "You did?"

545
00:39:20,491 --> 00:39:24,587
He's like, "I set up a tape
recorder in the corner...

546
00:39:24,795 --> 00:39:28,060
...and turned it on when I knew
she was coming.

547
00:39:28,265 --> 00:39:32,326
And then she pulled up and was
talking to my mom for a bit...

548
00:39:32,503 --> 00:39:34,869
...and I was getting pissed...

549
00:39:35,072 --> 00:39:38,132
...and I wasn't gonna propose
to her anymore...

550
00:39:38,342 --> 00:39:40,742
...because she was making me wait."

551
00:39:40,911 --> 00:39:45,143
The exact mind frame you wanna
enter into marriage with.

552
00:39:45,349 --> 00:39:49,376
He's like, "But then she came in, and we
went through it, and it's all on tape."

553
00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:53,383
I said, "I would like to see that.
Give me the tape."

554
00:39:53,557 --> 00:39:58,756
He's like, "I will." And he's like,
"There's another tape too."

555
00:39:59,930 --> 00:40:01,830
I was like,
"What do you do on that one?"

556
00:40:01,999 --> 00:40:06,402
He was like, "We fuck." And I was
like, "Get the fuck out of here!"

557
00:40:06,604 --> 00:40:09,266
He was like, "We were celebrating.
We got engaged.

558
00:40:09,473 --> 00:40:12,533
So I changed the tape,
and we started going at it."

559
00:40:12,743 --> 00:40:15,769
And I said,
"I gotta see that one too!"

560
00:40:15,946 --> 00:40:18,881
He's like, "You wanna see it?"
I was like, "Shit, yes!

561
00:40:19,083 --> 00:40:21,950
Give me the tape."
So he gave me both...

562
00:40:22,119 --> 00:40:26,078
...the engagement tape
and the Jason Mewes fuck tape.

563
00:40:26,290 --> 00:40:29,555
I took them home and threw
the wedding tape aside.

564
00:40:29,860 --> 00:40:34,354
He told me about it, fuck it.
I wanna see this man in action.

565
00:40:34,565 --> 00:40:40,868
I put in the tape. And it's one of the
worst amateur porns you've ever seen.

566
00:40:41,071 --> 00:40:44,837
It's a real one-camera setup.
It's like Clerks.

567
00:40:45,643 --> 00:40:48,544
But even funnier.

568
00:40:48,712 --> 00:40:54,412
Sets up the camera, and the MTV Video
Music Awards plays in the background.

569
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:59,956
Whole time. Now across from them,
in the frame...

570
00:41:00,157 --> 00:41:05,891
...is a framed poster of the X-Men.
The comic book version.

571
00:41:06,096 --> 00:41:11,159
And in the reflection of the X-Men
is the Video Music Awards.

572
00:41:11,368 --> 00:41:17,671
So the camera the whole time is
auto-focusing between Jay and Jamie...

573
00:41:17,842 --> 00:41:20,140
...and the Video Music Awards.

574
00:41:20,344 --> 00:41:24,303
So, number one, it's the most
irritating porn in the world to watch...

575
00:41:24,482 --> 00:41:26,473
...because you're like:

576
00:41:27,751 --> 00:41:33,212
Number two, he pretty much gets
in there and blocks the whole thing.

577
00:41:33,424 --> 00:41:37,292
You're not seeing anything good.
Just his ass up and down.

578
00:41:37,828 --> 00:41:41,286
And I've seen that a zillion
fucking times.

579
00:41:41,899 --> 00:41:45,335
But the best part about it was
what I told him...

580
00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:48,370
...because he wanted me
to critique it.

581
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:52,500
I was like, "I'm the last guy
that should be telling you this...

582
00:41:52,676 --> 00:41:54,735
...but you gotta work on
your camera work.

583
00:41:55,179 --> 00:41:59,240
But number two, I gotta talk
to you about your whole finale."

584
00:41:59,450 --> 00:42:03,318
He's like, "What about it?"
I'm like, "Dude, it's weak sauce."

585
00:42:03,521 --> 00:42:07,423
He's like, "What do you mean?"
And I was like, "This is you:"

586
00:42:19,737 --> 00:42:22,467
And he starts fucking cracking up.

587
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:25,473
When he really starts laughing,
he's like:

588
00:42:25,643 --> 00:42:28,612
His veins pop out.
I'm like, "I'm serious.

589
00:42:28,779 --> 00:42:33,842
You fucking give three thrusts,
one tug, and you walk away.

590
00:42:34,051 --> 00:42:37,953
Try a little tenderness, you know?
A cuddle, something."

591
00:42:38,155 --> 00:42:41,556
I was like, "And it went on forever.
At a certain point, I stopped watching...

592
00:42:41,725 --> 00:42:45,422
...and concentrated on the VMAs
because it was on in the background."

593
00:42:45,629 --> 00:42:48,598
But he promised to work on
his technique.

594
00:42:48,799 --> 00:42:51,563
And I've yet to see the follow-up.

595
00:42:51,769 --> 00:42:54,499
But now that I know
you're available...

596
00:42:54,705 --> 00:42:57,435
That's the one I would like to see.

597
00:42:59,476 --> 00:43:03,071
I've seen him fuck a chick,
and I wasn't impressed.

598
00:43:05,282 --> 00:43:07,182
My name is Abe Mohammedian.

599
00:43:07,384 --> 00:43:10,512
I got a question about you
and Scott Mosier.

600
00:43:10,688 --> 00:43:13,680
What's the history
about your relationship...

601
00:43:13,891 --> 00:43:16,451
...and the dynamic that's followed
through with the five movies?

602
00:43:16,660 --> 00:43:18,287
My history with Mosier...

603
00:43:18,495 --> 00:43:21,896
I went to Vancouver Film School
in British Columbia...

604
00:43:22,066 --> 00:43:25,627
...because it was a quick tech program.
It was eight months.

605
00:43:25,836 --> 00:43:28,532
Nine grand for eight months.
At the end...

606
00:43:28,706 --> 00:43:33,837
...they don't give you a degree, you get
a certificate that says you finished...

607
00:43:34,044 --> 00:43:38,310
...which is about as useful as a degree,
you'll find out.

608
00:43:40,250 --> 00:43:45,051
So I was there for four months and then
dropped out and went back to Jersey.

609
00:43:45,255 --> 00:43:47,655
I went for hands-on technical stuff.

610
00:43:47,858 --> 00:43:50,588
They were like, "It's all practice.
All practical. No theory."

611
00:43:50,794 --> 00:43:53,285
Then we did theory for three months.

612
00:43:53,497 --> 00:43:55,761
I don't need some Canadian dude...

613
00:43:55,933 --> 00:44:01,064
...telling me what Demme was trying
to say with Silence of the Lambs.

614
00:44:01,271 --> 00:44:06,573
So I stuck around for a little bit,
but during that time I met Mosier.

615
00:44:06,777 --> 00:44:10,440
The first day I went to class...
We had one class, 25 people.

616
00:44:10,614 --> 00:44:14,277
And we, you know, went through
every class together.

617
00:44:14,485 --> 00:44:19,513
They bring in a new bunch,
I think, every four months.

618
00:44:19,723 --> 00:44:24,217
Mosier was a guy in a class that
I was like, "Look at this pretty boy."

619
00:44:24,428 --> 00:44:29,525
He had, like, this real 90210 'do,
a Luke Perry thing going on.

620
00:44:29,733 --> 00:44:33,999
He came in in a leather jacket,
like, a motorcycle hood...

621
00:44:34,171 --> 00:44:35,934
...but, like, a good-looking one.

622
00:44:36,140 --> 00:44:40,372
Like, the motorcycle hood
with a heart of gold...

623
00:44:40,577 --> 00:44:44,206
...whose mom died,
and he's just really misunderstood...

624
00:44:44,415 --> 00:44:50,047
...and he'll hook up with Brenda before
the season's out. That was my take.

625
00:44:50,254 --> 00:44:54,213
Mosier said his first take on
me was, "Look at the blowhard asshole."

626
00:44:54,425 --> 00:44:56,859
So we didn't really speak...

627
00:44:57,061 --> 00:45:00,553
...and then we got thrown
together on this project.

628
00:45:00,764 --> 00:45:02,994
Turns out, we had a
similar sense of humor.

629
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:08,365
We joked about calling our production
company "Post Party At Spago's."

630
00:45:08,572 --> 00:45:13,509
We both got it, and nobody else did. So I
was like, "I wanna hang out with this guy.

631
00:45:13,711 --> 00:45:16,111
He gets the obscure,
bad references."

632
00:45:16,313 --> 00:45:20,181
We started hanging out more and more.
That's where our friendship built.

633
00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:23,148
I was like,
"I'm not gonna stick around.

634
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,153
If I get out
before the four-month mark...

635
00:45:26,356 --> 00:45:28,586
...I get to walk with five grand.

636
00:45:28,759 --> 00:45:32,320
I'm gonna take my five grand
and put it in a movie.

637
00:45:32,529 --> 00:45:35,259
I'm gonna go home
and start writing."

638
00:45:35,466 --> 00:45:39,766
But he wanted to finish the course
because his parents would be proud.

639
00:45:39,970 --> 00:45:41,995
I didn't care about my parents.

640
00:45:42,172 --> 00:45:44,970
They were like,
"Look, we know you're a failure.

641
00:45:45,175 --> 00:45:48,076
If you drop out, it's fine."
So I did.

642
00:45:48,278 --> 00:45:50,712
I said, "I'm gonna go home and write.

643
00:45:50,881 --> 00:45:55,682
You write, and whoever gets done first,
the other will help the other one out.

644
00:45:55,886 --> 00:46:01,381
If you finish your script, I'll help you.
If I finish mine, you help me."

645
00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:04,527
I finished Clerks first,
and he came down.

646
00:46:04,728 --> 00:46:07,663
He got trapped into
the role of de facto producer.

647
00:46:07,865 --> 00:46:10,356
Nobody goes to film school going,
"I wanna produce."

648
00:46:10,534 --> 00:46:12,764
Everyone wants to be a filmmaker.

649
00:46:12,970 --> 00:46:15,336
My job is kind of the dream job.

650
00:46:15,539 --> 00:46:21,500
I get to write, you know, fucking,
"Jay and Silent Bob run into a wall."

651
00:46:22,946 --> 00:46:27,542
Then I hand it to him. He's like,
"All right. It'll cost this much.

652
00:46:27,718 --> 00:46:32,087
We have to hire this many people."
His job is the tough job.

653
00:46:32,289 --> 00:46:35,781
Particularly on Chasing Amy,
his head almost exploded.

654
00:46:35,993 --> 00:46:39,156
We were trying to make
that movie for $250,000.

655
00:46:39,363 --> 00:46:42,890
Initially, we wanted to do it
for $3 million.

656
00:46:43,100 --> 00:46:45,500
We had done Mallrats for $6 million.

657
00:46:45,669 --> 00:46:49,628
First one was $28,000.
Second one, Mallrats, $6 million.

658
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:54,709
We were like, "We'll go
to a sensible budget, $3 million."

659
00:46:54,912 --> 00:46:58,712
We pitched the movie
to Miramax, gave them the script...

660
00:46:58,882 --> 00:47:02,249
...and they were like, "This is great.
Who do you wanna put in it?"

661
00:47:02,452 --> 00:47:07,082
I was like, "I wrote it for Ben Affleck,
Jason Lee, Joey Lauren Adams."

662
00:47:07,257 --> 00:47:12,092
And the exec was like, "Oh, no.
We have to put celebrities in it.

663
00:47:12,296 --> 00:47:17,427
We were thinking Drew Barrymore,
Jon Stewart, David Schwimmer."

664
00:47:22,172 --> 00:47:27,166
And I was like, "Why?
Where'd you get that grouping from?

665
00:47:27,544 --> 00:47:31,241
Did you just pick those three
off the top of your head?"

666
00:47:31,448 --> 00:47:33,382
They'd had deals with them.

667
00:47:33,584 --> 00:47:36,417
I said,
"I wanna make it with my people."

668
00:47:36,587 --> 00:47:39,420
And the exec said words
I will never forget:

669
00:47:39,623 --> 00:47:42,786
"Kevin, it's not about making
a movie with your friends."

670
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:44,951
I was like, "Really?"

671
00:47:45,329 --> 00:47:48,162
That's been the whole point
of my career.

672
00:47:48,365 --> 00:47:52,233
So I went to see Harvey Weinstein,
the chairman.

673
00:47:52,436 --> 00:47:57,874
I said, "Look, you guys wanna do
the movie at $3 million with a cast.

674
00:47:58,075 --> 00:48:00,543
I wanna use the people
I wrote it for.

675
00:48:00,744 --> 00:48:06,580
Let us make the movie for $200,000.
We'll bring it back. If you like it, buy it.

676
00:48:06,750 --> 00:48:10,379
If not, we take it someplace else."
We have an overall deal with them.

677
00:48:10,587 --> 00:48:14,819
He said, "200,000?
I'll give you 250."

678
00:48:15,659 --> 00:48:20,653
And I said, "That's really generous.
All right, man, that's cool."

679
00:48:20,864 --> 00:48:23,856
I went home and said,
"Mosier, Harvey gave us the money."

680
00:48:24,067 --> 00:48:28,299
He's like, "Get out!" I was like,
"I asked one amount, he gave me more."

681
00:48:28,505 --> 00:48:33,374
And Mosier was like, "Terrific.
You're really good at this shit.

682
00:48:36,546 --> 00:48:40,277
So, what's the budget?"
And I was like, "$250,000!"

683
00:48:40,484 --> 00:48:42,952
And Mosier was just like:

684
00:48:44,354 --> 00:48:48,256
The brain came out, and he was like,
"$250,000? Are you nuts?

685
00:48:48,425 --> 00:48:50,655
We can't make a movie for that."

686
00:48:50,861 --> 00:48:53,489
I was like,
"We made a movie for $28,000."

687
00:48:53,697 --> 00:48:58,896
He's like, "That's barely a movie.
This movie is more complicated.

688
00:48:59,102 --> 00:49:02,401
How are we gonna do it?"
I was like, "You'll figure it out.

689
00:49:04,107 --> 00:49:07,543
I gotta call Ben and Jason."
He's like, "Good Lord."

690
00:49:07,744 --> 00:49:12,113
So he spent most of Chasing Amy,
like, sleeping in his office...

691
00:49:12,282 --> 00:49:16,013
...trying to figure out
where the money was coming from...

692
00:49:16,186 --> 00:49:19,314
...trying to make everything work
on a shoestring.

693
00:49:19,523 --> 00:49:23,823
Shooting that movie for $250,000
almost killed him. And I never noticed.

694
00:49:23,994 --> 00:49:28,727
My job's kind of always the same
no matter what the budget is.

695
00:49:28,932 --> 00:49:32,629
I write it, and then I rehearse
the actors and hope...

696
00:49:32,803 --> 00:49:37,331
...they give the performance that
I heard in my head when I wrote it...

697
00:49:37,507 --> 00:49:39,771
...if not a better performance.

698
00:49:39,977 --> 00:49:42,605
No matter the budget,
my job doesn't change.

699
00:49:42,779 --> 00:49:45,543
But Mosier's job is
always affected by the budget.

700
00:49:45,749 --> 00:49:49,742
The last one was 20 million bucks.
Jay and Bob Strike Back.

701
00:49:49,953 --> 00:49:55,186
And he was happy as a pig in shit.
I'm like, "There's a problem."

702
00:49:55,392 --> 00:49:58,919
He was like, "That's fine,
throw some money at it."

703
00:50:00,397 --> 00:50:02,957
Problem solved, you know.

704
00:50:03,166 --> 00:50:06,761
But with the other ones, it's like,
"We got a problem."

705
00:50:06,937 --> 00:50:10,998
He's like, "It's not my fault. You asked
for 200 grand, asshole." I'm like, "Oh."

706
00:50:11,174 --> 00:50:14,632
He runs the gamut, depending
on what the budget is.

707
00:50:14,811 --> 00:50:18,770
Dogma was tight. We had $ 10 million.
We should've had more to do it.

708
00:50:18,982 --> 00:50:23,419
Also, we were dealing with crazy
schedules of people coming and going.

709
00:50:23,587 --> 00:50:28,081
They were paid scale, which is, like,
minimum wage of the movie business.

710
00:50:28,291 --> 00:50:33,524
So we had to allow them
to do other things if they wanted.

711
00:50:33,730 --> 00:50:35,925
That became a nightmare for him.

712
00:50:36,133 --> 00:50:39,796
But the last one
he had a great time doing.

713
00:50:40,003 --> 00:50:44,167
He's like, "I love making movies with you,
but I hate the shit I have to go through.

714
00:50:44,341 --> 00:50:46,741
I hate dealing with these people."

715
00:50:46,943 --> 00:50:51,209
And I'm like, "All right, we can
make movies with puppets."

716
00:50:52,282 --> 00:50:58,152
But he's not real...
He's afraid of puppets.

717
00:50:58,688 --> 00:51:03,284
So he's in this weird headspace
where he bought a VW conversion van.

718
00:51:03,493 --> 00:51:07,452
And Mosier... You don't know him
so it's not gonna play as well...

719
00:51:07,631 --> 00:51:10,691
...but Mosier doesn't buy
extravagant things.

720
00:51:10,901 --> 00:51:14,029
He kind of lives
a very monk-like life.

721
00:51:14,237 --> 00:51:18,867
So one day I came to the office, and
I saw this tricked out conversion van.

722
00:51:19,076 --> 00:51:21,909
I was like,
"Whose piece of shit is that?"

723
00:51:22,079 --> 00:51:25,480
He's like, "That's mine."
I was like, "Why'd you get that?"

724
00:51:25,682 --> 00:51:28,242
He's like, "I don't know. $38,000.

725
00:51:28,418 --> 00:51:32,252
I figure instead of walking the earth,
I can drive the earth."

726
00:51:33,223 --> 00:51:35,851
He's like, "Here's the sink
and a stove.

727
00:51:36,059 --> 00:51:40,792
Out back there's a little shower thing.
The top is a pop-out.

728
00:51:40,964 --> 00:51:43,762
I got two beds up here
and beds down here.

729
00:51:43,934 --> 00:51:45,902
Me and Monica could sleep up here.

730
00:51:46,069 --> 00:51:50,699
You and Jen could sleep under us."
I'm like, "I'd be up for that."

731
00:51:51,675 --> 00:51:55,771
So he's in this weird kind of
"I've got a VW van" headspace...

732
00:51:55,946 --> 00:51:59,677
..."and I don't know if I wanna keep
making movies for Miramax."

733
00:51:59,883 --> 00:52:01,908
If that makes any sense.

734
00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:05,179
- Yeah, so...
- We should call him.

735
00:52:06,089 --> 00:52:11,152
- Call Ben!
- You know, Mosier first. Hold on.

736
00:52:11,695 --> 00:52:15,062
Believe me, I'd much rather
call people all night.

737
00:52:15,265 --> 00:52:17,825
Just hold the phone to the mike.

738
00:52:18,835 --> 00:52:24,205
Hey, Monica? Is Scotty there? Okay.

739
00:52:29,279 --> 00:52:34,444
Hey, man, what's up?
I'm at Kent State on stage.

740
00:52:38,622 --> 00:52:43,389
I'm gonna count to three.
I'm gonna put you to the mike.

741
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:47,929
In 20 seconds, give them a rough
breakdown of your conversion van.

742
00:52:48,532 --> 00:52:51,865
Yeah, like what it's tricked
out with. All right, ready?

743
00:52:52,202 --> 00:52:55,535
I'll hold you to the mike.
Ready? One, two, three.

744
00:52:55,739 --> 00:53:01,006
It's got a fridge, it's got
a two-burner stove, a sink.

745
00:53:01,211 --> 00:53:05,113
It can sleep four. 
It's got the pop-up.

746
00:53:05,315 --> 00:53:10,252
Runs off propane so I can run
a thermostat, keep it hot.

747
00:53:10,887 --> 00:53:13,947
Make a little love, you know.

748
00:53:20,497 --> 00:53:24,058
- Anything else?
- Not much more to say than that, man.

749
00:53:24,267 --> 00:53:27,031
Come on, you sold it to me bigtime.

750
00:53:31,174 --> 00:53:33,142
That's about it, man.

751
00:53:34,277 --> 00:53:36,302
What did you pay for it?

752
00:53:37,047 --> 00:53:42,849
- It cost, like, about between 35 and 40.
- You got ripped off.

753
00:53:43,053 --> 00:53:46,420
Look, I've been working
a long time, man.

754
00:53:47,324 --> 00:53:48,848
- All right.
- What color?

755
00:53:49,025 --> 00:53:52,188
What color is it? It's beige?
No, it's white.

756
00:53:52,395 --> 00:53:55,296
That's beautiful, man!

757
00:53:56,766 --> 00:54:00,532
Some guy in the back went,
"That's beautiful, man."

758
00:54:00,737 --> 00:54:04,332
All right, man, that's it.
All right, bye.

759
00:54:06,443 --> 00:54:09,139
Hi, I'm Shawn Johnson.
In your writing...

760
00:54:09,346 --> 00:54:13,214
...do you take any of your own
life experiences and put them in?

761
00:54:13,416 --> 00:54:18,410
Yes, one time me and my friends were
running from this rubber poop monster.

762
00:54:18,622 --> 00:54:20,681
Smart ass.

763
00:54:25,629 --> 00:54:30,123
And then we tried to sneak
into Miramax Studios, you know...

764
00:54:30,333 --> 00:54:34,201
...fell onto the set
of Good Will Hunting II.

765
00:54:34,404 --> 00:54:38,864
No, generally not. Because
real life tends to be very boring.

766
00:54:39,075 --> 00:54:43,409
Which is why the dialogue I write tends
to be the way it is, 'cause people say:

767
00:54:43,613 --> 00:54:49,574
"It sounds like you write down the
conversations of friends. It's natural."

768
00:54:49,786 --> 00:54:54,086
Not at all. The conversations I have with
my friends are probably similar to yours.

769
00:54:54,257 --> 00:54:55,622
Like, "What did you do?"

770
00:54:55,825 --> 00:54:57,725
"Got laid."
"Awesome."

771
00:54:57,894 --> 00:55:01,887
One word. Really monosyllabic,
caveman-type talk.

772
00:55:02,098 --> 00:55:07,126
But I've read somewhere the writer
crafts their ideal world.

773
00:55:07,337 --> 00:55:13,640
In mine, everyone has long conversations
about interesting pop-culture shit.

774
00:55:13,843 --> 00:55:16,812
And everyone talks in monologues.

775
00:55:18,982 --> 00:55:22,748
But generally not.
There are instances of real life.

776
00:55:22,952 --> 00:55:26,752
I did work at Quick Stop and RST.
That's about where it stops.

777
00:55:26,923 --> 00:55:29,915
There were people that would
check the date of the milk...

778
00:55:30,093 --> 00:55:33,585
...but not like the lady in the movie,
who was my mom, incidentally.

779
00:55:33,763 --> 00:55:37,563
People do check the eggs
at the counter. That bugged me.

780
00:55:37,734 --> 00:55:39,827
Check eggs in front of you...

781
00:55:40,003 --> 00:55:43,166
...as if I'm sitting in the back
with a little hammer, like:

782
00:55:44,841 --> 00:55:48,038
Like, "I'll break one,
and they'll never know."

783
00:55:48,645 --> 00:55:53,139
You blow that shit out of proportion.
That makes it interesting.

784
00:55:53,316 --> 00:55:57,878
If I wrote about real life,
Chasing Amy would be about the fact...

785
00:55:58,088 --> 00:56:03,082
...that I couldn't stand that my
girlfriend had gone to Bali and I didn't.

786
00:56:03,259 --> 00:56:05,250
Not a very interesting movie.

787
00:56:05,428 --> 00:56:09,990
So I'm like, "Maybe her boyfriend
suggests they sleep with his best friend."

788
00:56:10,166 --> 00:56:14,830
That's more interesting. Shit like that
doesn't happen to me in real life.

789
00:56:15,004 --> 00:56:19,373
I've never said to Scott Mosier,
"We should fuck my girlfriend."

790
00:56:22,045 --> 00:56:26,482
He's like, "We have budget problems."
"I know, let's fuck my girlfriend."

791
00:56:27,617 --> 00:56:31,109
He's like, "I don't know
if it'll help, but okay."

792
00:56:31,287 --> 00:56:34,916
You tend to exaggerate,
but you start with a kernel of truth.

793
00:56:35,091 --> 00:56:37,116
Like, Chasing Amy...
I was very much like Holden.

794
00:56:37,293 --> 00:56:41,252
I was insecure about girlfriends'
pasts when I wrote that.

795
00:56:41,431 --> 00:56:46,130
And now I'm beyond... I'm 31.
Now I'm insecure about the grave.

796
00:56:46,302 --> 00:56:50,363
I don't care who fucked who.
I just don't wanna die.

797
00:56:51,808 --> 00:56:52,575
- Thank you.
- Thanks, man.

798
00:56:52,575 --> 00:56:53,371
- Thank you.
- Thanks, man.

799
00:56:53,543 --> 00:56:58,606
Comedy in general, and especially
your kind of witty satire, often...

800
00:56:58,782 --> 00:57:01,580
I'm sorry.
Often stems from some sort...

801
00:57:01,751 --> 00:57:06,711
I've never heard it described like
that: "Your kind of witty satire."

802
00:57:06,923 --> 00:57:10,188
"Your bullshit." Go ahead.

803
00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:14,490
Comedy seems to me like it stems
from a level of frustration in life.

804
00:57:14,664 --> 00:57:18,964
Is that true for you? Is there
a specific area of your life...

805
00:57:19,135 --> 00:57:23,435
...where you were frustrated
as a child or when you were younger?

806
00:57:24,674 --> 00:57:28,235
You talk about, "This is for the girls
who said my dick was small."

807
00:57:28,411 --> 00:57:31,380
Is there some area of life that
was particularly frustrating...?

808
00:57:31,548 --> 00:57:33,846
Take a fucking guess, dude.

809
00:57:36,719 --> 00:57:42,248
I don't... I think... Here, I can
answer it. I'll put my spin on it.

810
00:57:42,459 --> 00:57:46,225
I think I do what I do
because I grew up fat.

811
00:57:46,729 --> 00:57:50,893
The room came down. Don't get
all serious. It's fucking true.

812
00:57:51,067 --> 00:57:55,970
It's not like a life-threatening
afflic... It is, but it's not.

813
00:57:56,139 --> 00:58:00,940
Because I grew up a heavy kid,
it tended to make me want to be funny.

814
00:58:01,110 --> 00:58:04,011
If you can't get over
with your looks...

815
00:58:04,180 --> 00:58:07,513
You don't know what I mean.
You're a good-looking man.

816
00:58:07,684 --> 00:58:12,485
- That's the first time I've heard that.
- What are you doing after the show?

817
00:58:15,291 --> 00:58:17,589
I'm not just talking about girls.

818
00:58:17,760 --> 00:58:20,957
People hang out
with a certain aesthetic type...

819
00:58:21,130 --> 00:58:25,191
...people that look "normal." When you
don't look "normal," you're castigated.

820
00:58:25,368 --> 00:58:28,269
Kind of like,
"Well, that kid's fat. Yipes!"

821
00:58:28,438 --> 00:58:33,705
If you have something else going for
you, they overlook your physical flaws.

822
00:58:33,877 --> 00:58:39,076
That's my theory, what I've found in life.
So... From you fucking thin people.

823
00:58:39,249 --> 00:58:42,446
It came from there.
My comedy comes from that.

824
00:58:42,619 --> 00:58:43,847
Thank you.

825
00:58:44,020 --> 00:58:47,319
Thanks for bringing up really
painful fucking memories.

826
00:58:51,261 --> 00:58:55,994
I like how the room got. They're like,
"Holy shit! He's about to cry."

827
00:58:56,566 --> 00:58:57,555
Go ahead.

828
00:58:58,167 --> 00:59:01,193
What do your parents feel
about your films?

829
00:59:01,371 --> 00:59:05,273
My parents... My mother,
when she saw Clerks...

830
00:59:05,441 --> 00:59:07,807
...when I sat her down to watch it...

831
00:59:08,011 --> 00:59:13,244
...she turned to me and goes, "You spent
$27,000 on that piece of garbage?"

832
00:59:13,449 --> 00:59:17,613
I was like, "Thanks, Mom.
That's real Carol Brady of you."

833
00:59:17,787 --> 00:59:22,053
Then she grew to like the movies.
She didn't care for Mallrats either...

834
00:59:22,225 --> 00:59:27,322
...but Chasing Amy she really loved
and connected to for some reason.

835
00:59:27,497 --> 00:59:29,124
I know.

836
00:59:29,299 --> 00:59:33,963
I'm watching the movie with her,
and she's laughing at blowjob jokes.

837
00:59:34,170 --> 00:59:39,836
Like, her and my old man are chuckling
at blowjob jokes, and I'm just like:

838
00:59:40,176 --> 00:59:42,872
"Oh, God. She's giving him head."

839
00:59:43,079 --> 00:59:47,243
She cried at the end of the movie.
I was really moved by that.

840
00:59:47,417 --> 00:59:50,818
I was like, "Oh, my God,
you really got into it."

841
00:59:50,987 --> 00:59:56,721
She was like, "I identify with that
movie in ways you'll never understand."

842
00:59:57,093 --> 00:59:58,856
And I was like:

843
01:00:00,530 --> 01:00:04,796
They've caught on. She liked Dogma
because she's a lifelong Catholic...

844
01:00:04,968 --> 01:00:07,801
...and it addressed many
issues that she has as well...

845
01:00:07,971 --> 01:00:11,429
...but would never voice
for fear of going to hell.

846
01:00:11,608 --> 01:00:14,702
Which, she maintains,
is where I'm going.

847
01:00:14,877 --> 01:00:18,335
And Jay and Bob
she thought was really cute.

848
01:00:18,514 --> 01:00:22,917
That's what she says. She's like,
"It was cute. You guys ran around a lot.

849
01:00:23,086 --> 01:00:27,250
Was it tough to run around like that
in that long coat?"

850
01:00:27,423 --> 01:00:33,828
I felt like I was at a fucking college
q and a, the caliber of that question.

851
01:00:36,599 --> 01:00:39,762
That wasn't directed at everybody.

852
01:00:42,105 --> 01:00:46,007
I'm Jenny Sheibley.
First of all, I really liked Dogma.

853
01:00:46,175 --> 01:00:48,541
- Thank you.
- And I was wondering...

854
01:00:48,711 --> 01:00:50,440
It's two parts, okay?

855
01:00:50,613 --> 01:00:52,638
- A: Do you believe in God?
- Yes.

856
01:00:52,815 --> 01:00:56,114
- And B: Why or why not? So why?
- Yes.

857
01:00:57,086 --> 01:01:00,886
Yes, I believe in God. Why?
Because I have a career.

858
01:01:01,057 --> 01:01:02,490
Okay.

859
01:01:05,795 --> 01:01:09,697
There can be no better proof
for the existence of God...

860
01:01:09,866 --> 01:01:13,495
...than the fact that I have
a film career. I think so.

861
01:01:13,670 --> 01:01:16,332
- Okay. Thank you.
- All right. Thanks.

862
01:01:18,107 --> 01:01:20,769
- My name is...
- There's no camera on you.

863
01:01:20,943 --> 01:01:22,433
Well, that's okay.

864
01:01:22,845 --> 01:01:27,009
Somebody is sending you
a very clear message, sir.

865
01:01:32,021 --> 01:01:34,046
- Go ahead.
- I'm David Klesh.

866
01:01:34,223 --> 01:01:38,956
Could you talk about the effect of your
Catholic upbringing in your movies?

867
01:01:39,162 --> 01:01:40,754
Specifically Dogma.

868
01:01:40,930 --> 01:01:45,299
I would imagine that watching Dogma,
that would be very clear.

869
01:01:53,443 --> 01:01:56,674
But since you asked,
I grew up very Catholic.

870
01:01:56,879 --> 01:01:59,473
I went to eight years
of Catholic school.

871
01:01:59,682 --> 01:02:02,344
I really dug the faith
when I was a kid.

872
01:02:02,518 --> 01:02:07,820
Then as I got older, started struggling
with it, as most people do...

873
01:02:07,990 --> 01:02:10,584
...and was just like, "Wait a second.

874
01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:15,697
I appreciate the message and who
Christ was and what Christ did...

875
01:02:15,865 --> 01:02:19,301
...but I'm not really
into the dogma."

876
01:02:19,502 --> 01:02:22,994
I.e., I want to fuck
before I get married.

877
01:02:27,043 --> 01:02:29,807
But no, it stretched beyond that.

878
01:02:29,979 --> 01:02:34,678
I think by the time I started really
questioning, I was about 18, 19.

879
01:02:34,884 --> 01:02:38,285
And I started wondering,
like, "Wait a second...

880
01:02:38,454 --> 01:02:42,083
...we hold the book, the Bible,
to be the word of God."

881
01:02:42,258 --> 01:02:45,022
And meanwhile,
many, many years ago...

882
01:02:45,194 --> 01:02:49,995
...Grecians and Egyptians held
their books to be the word of gods.

883
01:02:50,166 --> 01:02:54,262
Now we read their shit as literature
and chuckle at silly stories.

884
01:02:54,437 --> 01:02:57,429
Will someone one day
read our books and chuckle?

885
01:02:57,607 --> 01:03:01,202
If so, then is there a God?
Did we just create God?

886
01:03:01,377 --> 01:03:05,905
Did somebody create God so that
I would quit asking questions?

887
01:03:06,082 --> 01:03:09,210
I went through
a real crisis of faith...

888
01:03:09,385 --> 01:03:13,219
...and worked through it years later
by writing Dogma.

889
01:03:13,389 --> 01:03:15,983
The idea came from a crisis of faith.

890
01:03:16,159 --> 01:03:21,529
By the end of the first draft, I knew
exactly where I stood on religion.

891
01:03:21,697 --> 01:03:25,599
I believe in faith, in God,
in Christ. I'm a Christian.

892
01:03:25,768 --> 01:03:30,171
I'm a spiritual person, but religion
gets many people in trouble.

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