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1
00:00:02,268 --> 00:00:05,567
My name's Hubert Vought,
but everyone knows me as Bucky.

2
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:08,207
- Bucky!
- Yeah.

3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:12,539
You don't have to ask a
single fucking question now.

4
00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:17,478
Ladies and gentlemen, it's Bucky.

5
00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:19,817
Rock the mike, Bucky.

6
00:00:19,986 --> 00:00:22,181
I just...

7
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:25,381
- What was your real name?
- Hubert.

8
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:34,967
Bucky!

9
00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:42,532
I think movies, in the past few years,
the quality has gone downhill.

10
00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:45,801
- Because of me?
- No, no. Your shit's good.

11
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:49,210
Is that what you're getting at?
I've feared that myself.

12
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:54,183
What do you think, and what do you do
to make sure you make a quality flick?

13
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:57,812
As soon as I got into the game,
everything went to hell.

14
00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:01,984
There was a guy that made
a movie called George Washington.

15
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:03,789
Did anyone see it?

16
00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:07,495
So that's about nine?

17
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:12,202
In the paper the dude said...
Somebody was saying, like:

18
00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:16,900
"There were filmmakers who came
before you, like Kevin Smith...

19
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,045
...that helped pave the way."

20
00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:20,975
And he went off on a tear.

21
00:01:21,147 --> 00:01:25,243
And he was just like, "Look,
that dude lowered the bar.

22
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:28,615
He didn't really make it easier
for us to get in.

23
00:01:28,788 --> 00:01:32,918
He just turned filmmaking into
a kind of Special Olympics."

24
00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:40,926
Which I couldn't be too mad at
because it was a funny line.

25
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:45,435
It's like, I'm leading the way of the
handicapable, you know?

26
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:50,076
So that dude insisted
that I lowered the bar.

27
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:54,441
I gave that a good think or two,
when I first read that comment.

28
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,809
I was like, "Did I lower the bar?

29
00:01:56,983 --> 00:02:01,420
Did I get in and really fuck it up?
Did it all go south with me?"

30
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,282
And then I thought, "No."

31
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,793
Because, come on, nobody's
really seen the movies I've done.

32
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:07,919
Because, come on, nobody's
really seen the movies I've done.

33
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:11,560
Hi. My name's Tim Ruend.

34
00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:16,065
And aesthetically speaking,
all your films...

35
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:20,138
There's been some criticism
as to camera movement and...

36
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,069
Are we talking about the movies?

37
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:25,678
I thought you were like,
"Aesthetically speaking...

38
00:02:25,845 --> 00:02:28,746
...you've gotta lose
some fucking weight."

39
00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:34,786
But I know you worked with Robert
Yeoman on Dogma, I think it was.

40
00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:38,947
And I was just wondering
if there was any future plans...

41
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:42,492
...to maybe have a different look
to your films?

42
00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:47,026
Not essentially.
I don't think I have a look, per se.

43
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,658
The look is dictated by
what the movie's about.

44
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:53,863
But I don't really
have a style, per se.

45
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:59,774
The first thing I read about
our work in the legitimate press...

46
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:03,143
...was in The Village Voice. Amy Taubin
wrote this mini-review of Clerks...

47
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:07,650
...when it played at the 1993
Independent Feature Film Market.

48
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:12,120
And she said,
"His style is that he has no style."

49
00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:15,193
And I said, "Yeah."
So I just adopted that.

50
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:19,422
And I figured, that's my style.
I just don't have a style.

51
00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:23,797
People look at a Tim Burton movie,
they're like, "That's Tim."

52
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:29,067
Look at a movie with no credits, you'll
find out if it's the Coen brothers.

53
00:03:29,242 --> 00:03:32,609
Martin Scorsese, same thing.
But mine, not at all.

54
00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:36,579
You can close your eyes and listen,
and then you'd be like:

55
00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:41,243
"It's that guy's movies, because
somebody said 'fucking cock smoker."'

56
00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:45,580
I've never been that big into
the visual aspect of it.

57
00:03:45,758 --> 00:03:49,387
I get tagged for it a lot
because I bring it up a lot.

58
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,757
I believe in the philosophy of:

59
00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:56,265
Say something negative about yourself
before somebody else has the chance.

60
00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:59,433
If I'm like, "My movies
look like shit."

61
00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:03,235
Then there are people
who are like, "Well, he knows."

62
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:07,311
Because I do that a lot,
people just go into every movie...

63
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:11,917
When Hollywood Reporter reviewed
Jay and Bob Strike Back...

64
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:17,250
...Kirk Honeycutt said, "It's a Kevin
Smith movie, so it doesn't look good."

65
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:22,486
That was unfair. It looked wonderful
compared to everything else we did.

66
00:04:22,662 --> 00:04:27,395
But, I don't know. I just don't feel
the need to develop a visual style.

67
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,296
- Thanks.
- Thanks.

68
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:33,200
I'm just lazy, dude.
Takes too much work.

69
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:35,773
How much leeway do you give actors?

70
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:39,434
Like, you write a line for Jay
and he starts rambling.

71
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:43,673
Do you cut him or say, "Let him go,"
and see how it came out?

72
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:47,479
- I mean, all the actors you deal with.
- Is it like that?

73
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:50,282
- Where I ramble and ramble? No.
- Mike.

74
00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:53,983
There's no rambling.
Usually we go over it beforehand.

75
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:59,097
I'll say a few things, he'll be like,
"Fuck that, no! Stick to that."

76
00:04:59,265 --> 00:05:01,859
I'll be like, "Can I smoke?"
He'll be like, "No."

77
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:06,233
I'm always trying to smoke in the
scene, just so I can smoke.

78
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:10,306
But, no, it's not like that.

79
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:13,937
- How is it?
- It's like I said.

80
00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:17,705
- We go...
- You stay to the script?

81
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:22,583
I add some stuff,
but I do it before we start shooting.

82
00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:26,452
And sometimes I'll throw,
like, one word in or something...

83
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:30,790
"I add some shit.
Every once in a while I put in a word."

84
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:34,194
A word or two. But no,
I pretty much stick to the script.

85
00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:36,995
He wants me to stick to the script,
this fuck.

86
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:41,038
I'm fairly dictatorial with him
and with the other guys as well.

87
00:05:41,207 --> 00:05:46,702
Him, though, I tend to be
even more guarded with.

88
00:05:46,879 --> 00:05:51,942
Because there's a line, a very thin
line that that character has to walk.

89
00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:54,678
Because he could be
potentially very offensive...

90
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,448
...but for some reason winds
up being very sweet.

91
00:05:57,623 --> 00:06:01,354
My theory about that has always
been because, like Jason himself...

92
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:04,189
...the character has no moral barometer.

93
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,390
Like, doesn't say things
to hurt people or to be mean.

94
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:11,298
Just says them because he has
no fucking clue, good or bad.

95
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:15,271
But he came up with a bit
of business in the last movie.

96
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:17,636
With every movie,
Mewes has grown better.

97
00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:20,802
Like, in the first movie,
I wrote the script.

98
00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:24,916
I wrote it to his intonations,
his inflections, his catch phrases...

99
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:28,986
...and handed it to him and said,
"Read it." I said, "What do you think?"

100
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,385
He's like, "I don't know
if I can do this."

101
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,491
I was like, "This is fucking you!"

102
00:06:35,027 --> 00:06:39,691
And so we spent a month
teaching Jay how to be Jay.

103
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:43,302
Like, "Snoogans."
He's like, "Why would I say that?"

104
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:45,232
I'm like, "Why do you say that?"

105
00:06:46,005 --> 00:06:49,998
But with each movie it got better.
Like, in the first movie...

106
00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:53,668
...there's a scene where we dance
outside the convenience store.

107
00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:57,338
We're shooting, it's 3 in the morning,
in the middle of Leonardo...

108
00:06:57,517 --> 00:07:00,577
...fucking dead,
there's four people on the crew:

109
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:05,554
Me, Scott Mosier,
Dave Klein, the DP...

110
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:09,320
...and I think Ed was still there.
Ed was still there at that point.

111
00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:13,431
We're about to do this sequence
where we dance in front of the store.

112
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:15,999
Mewes says, "I can't do it."
I said, "Why?"

113
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:19,468
And he's like,
"It's just all these people."

114
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:24,207
This is the kind of dude who,
if you know him for five minutes...

115
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:26,140
...he'll take his cock out.

116
00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:30,038
The kind of dude
you're driving with...

117
00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:33,151
...and you hear him go,
"It's chilly in here, isn't it?"

118
00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:37,221
You look over at him
and he's got his cock hanging out...

119
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:41,156
...and he's leaning back,
looking at you.

120
00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:45,696
He's like a baby. When a baby discovers
their genitalia, they're just:

121
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:50,598
But here he was, not dancing.

122
00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:54,706
"What are we supposed to do?"
He's like, "Get them out of here."

123
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:57,707
So Mosier, Ed and Dave
went inside the convenience store.

124
00:07:57,877 --> 00:08:02,405
Dave turned on the camera and walked
away. And he was like, "Go, I guess."

125
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:06,310
Then we did our thing. As we
progressed, like on Mallrats...

126
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:11,253
...we had a bigger crew, shooting in an
operational mall. Time, money, people.

127
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:14,552
And we're like, "We can't throw
50 people off the set...

128
00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:18,663
...because you feel shy to knock
on the glass with the kitties.

129
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:23,131
Just do it. Just fucking dance."
And he got over it and stuff like that.

130
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:28,873
I don't know where the fuck
I was going with this.

131
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,737
You were saying how I progressed.

132
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- You were talking about each film.
- Okay, I know where I'm going with it.

133
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:41,943
- I guess.
- Thanks.

134
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:45,488
So on Chasing Amy the dude
only worked for one day.

135
00:08:45,658 --> 00:08:49,321
I said to the crew, the day we
were gonna shoot our scene.

136
00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:51,429
I collected them all together,
all the keys. I'm like:

137
00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:55,089
"Tonight we shoot with Jason Mewes.
Could be the longest night of our lives.

138
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:57,532
We haven't had much time
to rehearse.

139
00:08:57,703 --> 00:09:01,696
We may have to shoot a line,
turn the camera off, rehearse...

140
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:04,536
...shoot that line,
and do that all night long.

141
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:08,874
So bear with me. Bear with him,
especially. Have patience."

142
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,948
So we go to shoot the scene.

143
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:13,779
Mewes whips through
all his dialogue like a pro...

144
00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:16,217
...with the tiny bit of rehearsal
we did.

145
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:19,119
And then it comes to me and I'm like,
"You're chasing...

146
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,624
Fuck. Cut. What's the line?"

147
00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:26,860
And Mosier's like, "Amy."

148
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:30,002
I was like, "Right. Go again."
"You're chasing Amy."

149
00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:32,034
"What?"
"You're chasing Amy."

150
00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:35,037
"Fuck, cut!" You know?
Couldn't remember anything.

151
00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:38,699
Went on for 11 takes trying
to spit out that stupid speech.

152
00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:42,143
- I think it was 12.
- Twelve takes.

153
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:45,207
Don't make me look like a fool, boy.

154
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:47,978
Twelve takes.
Making lines up as I go.

155
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:50,554
And Affleck's going
out of his fucking mind...

156
00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:54,955
...because Affleck is a dude that loves
to ad-lib. Just loves to tack on shit.

157
00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:56,389
Like when...

158
00:09:56,562 --> 00:10:00,089
He'll do his dialogue and then
put on a little P.S. to every line.

159
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:04,999
In Chasing Amy, they're sitting on the
swings and she's explaining fisting.

160
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:10,768
And he reacts. And then she says,
"It's reserved for special occasions."

161
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,968
And he says, "Well, what about
not-so-special occasions?"

162
00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:16,672
We're shooting. He goes,
"What about not-so-special occasions?

163
00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:20,717
What, do you just hit her
in the fucking head with a bat?"

164
00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:25,520
And I'm like, "Fucking cut.
What are you doing?

165
00:10:26,158 --> 00:10:28,183
We're trying to tell a love story."

166
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:31,228
He's like, "Oh, yeah,
a love story with fisting in it."

167
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:33,456
I said, "But still,
what are you doing?"

168
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,329
He's like, "It's a funny line.
Leave it in. My peeps will love it."

169
00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:38,902
This is '96, he had no peeps.

170
00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:42,736
He's like, "Leave that line in.
People will love it."

171
00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:45,900
I said, "Dude, I'm not going
to leave your shit in.

172
00:10:46,078 --> 00:10:49,844
If you want to make up lines,
go write your own fucking script."

173
00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:54,510
And he did that
and he won an Oscar. So...

174
00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:58,919
So Affleck's sitting there as I make up
lines he knows are not in the script.

175
00:10:59,091 --> 00:11:01,685
And he's like, "What happened
to no ad-libbing?"

176
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:07,026
I'm like, "I'm the writer. When I'm
ad-libbing, it's like another draft."

177
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:12,628
Dogma, though, we kept impressing on
this cat, "You've gotta be topnotch.

178
00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:15,672
You are the strong back
that's got to carry the movie.

179
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:18,309
You've gotta be funny
and on cue all the time.

180
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:21,412
You gotta know your lines.
You can't be shy...

181
00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:25,016
...because we got real actors
in the movie this time."

182
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:29,177
And he's like, "Not like Affleck?"
And I was like, "Not like Affleck."

183
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:32,153
He's like, "Who?"
I'm like, "We got Alan Rickman."

184
00:11:32,324 --> 00:11:34,224
He's like, "Who the fuck's that?"

185
00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:37,624
I said, "Alan Rickman. You know,
from Die Hard, yippee-kai-yay?"

186
00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:40,630
He's like, "Bruce Willis?"
I said, "No."

187
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,097
"The other guy.
Alan Rickman, he's the villain."

188
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:45,999
He's like, "All right. So what?"

189
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:48,732
And I'm like, "Alan Rickman
is a British actor.

190
00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:51,138
And British actors fucking
invented acting.

191
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:53,471
They will chew the scenery around you.

192
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:56,979
He won't put up for 'snoochie
boochies' and shit like that.

193
00:11:57,149 --> 00:11:59,811
He needs you to be on
and fucking topnotch.

194
00:11:59,985 --> 00:12:03,580
He's worked with the best.
You can't let a dude like this down."

195
00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:07,988
As with all the other films, I rehearse
with all the actors separately...

196
00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:13,196
...and Mewes I start with by himself
and then work him into the group.

197
00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:19,270
So I sit down with Mewes to start
rehearsing. And he comes in, no script.

198
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:22,737
I'm like, "Where's your script?"
He said, "I don't need it."

199
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,172
I said, "What?"
He's like, "Just try me."

200
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,835
So I start reading the lines
that aren't Mewes'...

201
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:30,709
...and Mewes starts doing
his lines without a script.

202
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:34,751
I was like, "That's pretty good."
We keep going, and he knows everything.

203
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,286
I'm like, "Did you memorize
all your lines?"

204
00:12:37,456 --> 00:12:39,321
He's like, "Everybody else's too."

205
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,687
And I said, "Bullshit!"
He said, "Try me."

206
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:45,024
So I read Mewes' lines
and he reads everybody else's lines.

207
00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:46,630
Without a fucking script.

208
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:50,462
And I'm like, "What the fuck,
what are you, Rain Man?"

209
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:53,631
Hey.

210
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:58,368
I said, "What the fuck happened, dude?
Why did you suddenly become a genius?"

211
00:12:58,544 --> 00:13:02,071
And he said, "I don't want
to piss off that Rickman dude."

212
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:06,582
By the time we got to Jay and Bob,
he was at the top of his game.

213
00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:11,621
And not just taking direction, but
actually giving direction back to me.

214
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:15,522
And we were rehearsing for the lightsaber
batt... Blunt-saber battle...

215
00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:18,754
...we can't call it "lightsaber,"
Lucasfilm will sue...

216
00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:23,959
...blunt-saber battle, and he's got
the double-sided bong-saber.

217
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,866
It's so embarrassing.

218
00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:30,531
He comes back into this.
And he's like, "All right. So when I..."

219
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:34,475
He's going, "Moves?" And I said,
"Yeah?" 'cause he calls me "Moves."

220
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:40,643
He said, "What if I turn it off, then
I hit it and I blow the smoke out...

221
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,947
...and I turn on and go at it again?"

222
00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:46,057
And I looked at him like,
"That's fucking brilliant!"

223
00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:56,934
I ask the digital guy, Joe Grossberg,
"Can we do that?"

224
00:13:57,102 --> 00:14:00,071
He's like, "We can do anything."
I said, "Let's do it."

225
00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:03,731
It was satisfying to watch the movie
and that moment happens...

226
00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:05,536
...and the audience goes nuts.

227
00:14:05,711 --> 00:14:09,738
I was like, "Holy shit!
The dude's quite an idiot savant."

228
00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:15,112
I was wondering where you got
"snooch to the nooch."

229
00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:18,452
And the other one, from like...

230
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:21,092
"Snoochie boochies."

231
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:24,192
Where'd they come from?
What do they mean?

232
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:27,059
Because you put them
in all of your movies.

233
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:30,964
Dude, you are the most timid
question asker I've ever met.

234
00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:34,936
You're like, "I just want to ask... 
Snoochie boochies... "

235
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:38,738
Come on, with authority, dude.
Get in there. Own the mike.

236
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:41,937
Grab it like a fucking cock
and own it, dude!

237
00:14:45,784 --> 00:14:49,220
Go ahead. Ask again.
Just bring the thunder.

238
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:53,154
Where did you get "snoochie boochies"
and "snooch to the nooch"?

239
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:55,225
You sound like Kermit.

240
00:14:58,197 --> 00:15:03,362
That's adorable. Grab the mike
and say, "It's not easy being green."

241
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:06,527
- It's not easy being green.
- I hear you.

242
00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:10,163
Why are there so many
songs about rainbows?

243
00:15:11,777 --> 00:15:13,574
That was good.

244
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:20,241
See now, bolstered by that applause
you should be like, "I own the room!

245
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,479
Fuck the fat guy and him!
Just... It's me!"

246
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:29,891
When this gentleman was younger,
circa 14, 15, still in high school...

247
00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:31,723
...he used to run around...

248
00:15:31,897 --> 00:15:34,491
- Pardon?
- Jason graduated?

249
00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:39,003
Barely.

250
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:45,842
He used to say things like,
"I'm gonna fuck your mother. Neh."

251
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:50,641
And the urgent, panicky "neh" meant,
"I'm kidding. Don't kick my ass."

252
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:55,350
So "neh" one day became,
"I'm gonna fuck your mother, nooch."

253
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:59,082
And then it went, "I'm gonna
fuck your mother, snooch."

254
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:01,123
And then, "I'm gonna fuck your
mother, snoochie boochies."

255
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:04,228
"I'm gonna fuck your mother,
snooch to the nooch."

256
00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:08,025
And then, "I'm gonna fuck your
mother, snikadikadikadointch."

257
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:11,397
- That's right?
- That's great, yeah.

258
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:15,367
And then eventually it went
down to "snoogins."

259
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,873
Which, I guess, covered all the bases.

260
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:20,910
But it was essentially, "I'm kidding."

261
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,844
And it was weird to watch
language grow like that.

262
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:28,715
You know, from "neh"
all the way to "snoogins."

263
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:31,255
That's the story.

264
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:34,325
What it means, I guess,
is, "Don't kick my ass."

265
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,128
- Yeah. Just kidding.
- Just kidding.

266
00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:38,661
Just kidding.

267
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:42,528
- Thank you guys very much.
- You're an excellent speaker.

268
00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:44,934
Neh.

269
00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:56,712
How many times are you guys
gonna come to Wyoming?

270
00:16:56,882 --> 00:16:58,873
We might as well
fucking get it on.

271
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:03,418
Are you...? Are you
Matthew McConaughey?

272
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:12,925
No.

273
00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:19,297
Is there...? So is the question,
"Are we gonna get it on?"

274
00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:23,070
And by "get it on,"
do you mean "smoke," or "suck cock"?

275
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:26,734
Not "Are we gonna get it on?"
Are we gonna fucking get it on or...?

276
00:17:27,012 --> 00:17:30,607
Look, I am willing to get it on...

277
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,808
Whoa! Whoa!

278
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:36,443
- But not...
- Whoa! I think you misread me.

279
00:17:36,922 --> 00:17:39,117
Maybe you misread me.

280
00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:41,953
I was talking about you
sucking my dick.

281
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,636
Get your drunk ass down!

282
00:17:57,976 --> 00:17:59,603
All right. Later.

283
00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:06,880
Was there a question
in there somewhere?

284
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:10,382
All right, here's your chance.
That's a tough act to follow.

285
00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:13,081
I totally fucking forgot
what I was going to say.

286
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:15,749
- Say again?
- I forgot.

287
00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:23,467
After the show, are you guys
going to be puffing the chronics...

288
00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:26,832
...or sitting on your asses?
- That's what he fucking asked!

289
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,507
Well, you know,
Jay makes himself out...

290
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:34,077
...to be such a chronic smoking
motherfucker, what's up?

291
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:39,976
I couldn't hear.

292
00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:43,588
If this dude is shaking
his head at you...

293
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:50,388
Every question is like,
"You gonna smoke pot tonight?"

294
00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:52,621
It's the second time
I got the question.

295
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,494
How do I get one
of them cards, you know?

296
00:18:55,667 --> 00:18:59,034
From the show, you know?
The union card, you know?

297
00:18:59,204 --> 00:19:01,434
Dude, that was a movie.

298
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:08,435
- The hair is short. I wear glasses.
- I still want the fucking card, okay?

299
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:09,982
All right. We'll work on that.

300
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,313
All right. We'll work on that.

301
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:13,144
Security.

302
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,089
- Go ahead.
- Okay.

303
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:20,885
I got a yes or no question.
Can you answer that?

304
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:24,256
- Lf you promise, I'll ask the question.
- Yeah.

305
00:19:24,429 --> 00:19:28,126
All right. Did you or did you not
walk off with this tray?

306
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:29,597
No.

307
00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:35,566
For the rest who can't see, this is one
of the recent issues of High Times.

308
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:37,470
Kevin Smith was on the cover.

309
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,042
Yes.

310
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:43,406
I didn't walk away with it, but I will
tell you something interesting.

311
00:19:43,582 --> 00:19:44,674
That is fucking real.

312
00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:48,282
They're like, "Would Kevin mind
doing the cover of High Times?"

313
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,978
I'm like, "Shit, no,
I'm a press whore."

314
00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,248
But they kept asking if I would mind.

315
00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:56,519
I was like, "No, why would I care?
Of course not, no."

316
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:59,687
And then they show up
with enough fucking weed...

317
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:04,825
...to get me, them and
everyone in my family put in jail...

318
00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:09,269
...forever. Like, this was a
Midnight Express amount of weed.

319
00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:12,808
It was fucking huge.
And I thought it was fake.

320
00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:16,414
I was just like, "There's no way
anyone carries this much weed around.

321
00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:19,142
Unless they're, like, Mewes."

322
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:26,383
I'm really dumb
when it comes to shit like that.

323
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:28,753
I'm not one of those people
that's like, "I smell weed."

324
00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:32,192
I don't know the fucking smell.
I could count on...

325
00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:36,357
...all your hands the amount
of times I've gotten high.

326
00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:41,029
But I'm sitting there posing. It's hot,
I'm wearing a jacket and we're outside.

327
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:43,697
And I'm holding
this big fucking plate of weed.

328
00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:47,311
And I'm like,
"This shit looks so real."

329
00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:49,578
And he's like, "Yeah."

330
00:20:52,351 --> 00:20:54,615
And I was like,
"What do you guys use?"

331
00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:57,448
And he's like,
"What are you talking about?"

332
00:20:57,623 --> 00:20:59,682
I was like, "This is weed?"

333
00:20:59,858 --> 00:21:02,520
He's like, "We're High Times. "

334
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,264
And I was like, "Get the fuck
out of here! This is real?

335
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:13,871
You have me holding real weed
in the middle of suburbia? This much?

336
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:19,602
This isn't, like, personal use
or a little bit to get high with.

337
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:24,306
This is, like, intent
to fucking sell to China."

338
00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:29,013
Like, "This is a lot."
And they're like, "Well, we cleared it.

339
00:21:29,187 --> 00:21:31,212
We wanted to make sure
you were cool with it."

340
00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:35,019
I was, "I didn't know it was gonna
be real. Can I have some?"

341
00:21:35,193 --> 00:21:38,424
They gave us this much weed to keep.
Out of that whole plate.

342
00:21:38,597 --> 00:21:41,191
But did you, in fact,
sell it to China?

343
00:21:41,366 --> 00:21:42,765
No.

344
00:21:43,602 --> 00:21:45,160
Fuck China!

345
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,270
I sold that to Mewes, though.

346
00:21:52,010 --> 00:21:57,607
I was like, "This is excellent shit.
Four, five... Eight, $900."

347
00:21:57,783 --> 00:21:59,683
He's like, "All right."

348
00:22:00,285 --> 00:22:03,277
No, but they gave us
this big thing of weed.

349
00:22:03,455 --> 00:22:05,013
Which we were kind
of terrified to have...

350
00:22:05,190 --> 00:22:09,024
...because that, too,
was enough to get you in trouble.

351
00:22:09,194 --> 00:22:11,526
So we were like,
"We better smoke it quick."

352
00:22:18,470 --> 00:22:21,701
My name is Bethany,
just like the last scion in Dogma...

353
00:22:21,873 --> 00:22:24,398
...which is my favorite movie
you guys have done.

354
00:22:24,576 --> 00:22:27,443
Also, my boyfriend
is you guys's biggest fan.

355
00:22:27,612 --> 00:22:31,275
And if you guys come
to the Library after the show...

356
00:22:31,450 --> 00:22:35,045
...he will buy you drinks, I swear
to God. And then I have two...

357
00:22:35,220 --> 00:22:37,950
- Let's just go back a second.
- Okay.

358
00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:42,358
His name is Travis
and he's sitting in the fourth row.

359
00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:44,791
I swear to God,
if you come to the Library...

360
00:22:44,963 --> 00:22:47,625
But did you say,
"He is you guys's biggest fan"?

361
00:22:47,799 --> 00:22:50,927
- He is your biggest fan, I swear!
- Do you go to school here?

362
00:22:51,103 --> 00:22:52,263
He can...

363
00:22:52,437 --> 00:22:55,463
- Travis, stand up, babe!
- Are you a student here?

364
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:58,700
- Stand up! There he is.
- Hi, hi. Sit down, sit down.

365
00:22:58,877 --> 00:23:02,074
- He can honestly...
- Do you go...? Stop fucking talking!

366
00:23:03,949 --> 00:23:05,780
I'm sorry!

367
00:23:09,321 --> 00:23:11,789
- Do you go to school here?
- Yes, I do.

368
00:23:12,090 --> 00:23:15,457
And you're majoring in anything
but English or communications.

369
00:23:15,627 --> 00:23:17,857
I'm in architectural engineering,
actually.

370
00:23:18,029 --> 00:23:19,087
- Really?
- Yeah.

371
00:23:19,264 --> 00:23:22,722
- So no need for good grammar.
- None whatsoever.

372
00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:24,732
So the boyfriend's a big fan...

373
00:23:24,903 --> 00:23:28,202
And he will buy you guys drinks
if you meet us after the show.

374
00:23:28,373 --> 00:23:30,500
- Okay.
- The Library Bar and Grill.

375
00:23:30,675 --> 00:23:34,839
Absolutely. I'll be wearing
a sleeveless hooded sweatshirt...

376
00:23:35,013 --> 00:23:38,779
...and he'll be wearing a wife-beater.

377
00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:40,474
We'll be the ones going like:

378
00:23:40,652 --> 00:23:44,850
"Where is that guy
who is us guys's biggest fan?"

379
00:23:48,193 --> 00:23:52,459
I know for sure he can recite almost
every movie you guys have ever done.

380
00:23:52,631 --> 00:23:54,895
- Is that true?
- That's true.

381
00:23:55,066 --> 00:23:58,593
Is she embarrassing
the fuck out of you, or what?

382
00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:01,432
He's like, "I told you not
to ask a fucking question!

383
00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:03,369
Don't talk to me."

384
00:24:04,876 --> 00:24:06,571
I heard through the grapevine...

385
00:24:06,745 --> 00:24:10,340
...Jason got busted for heroin
possession on Monday. Is that true?

386
00:24:10,515 --> 00:24:12,346
- On Monday?
- On Monday?

387
00:24:13,985 --> 00:24:15,384
- No.
- No.

388
00:24:16,254 --> 00:24:17,380
Anytime this week?

389
00:24:17,556 --> 00:24:21,219
- I don't think I'd be here.
- Well, that's what I thought, but...

390
00:24:21,393 --> 00:24:23,054
I ain't touching this one.

391
00:24:24,663 --> 00:24:26,221
No. It's not true.

392
00:24:26,398 --> 00:24:29,299
Okay. That's very relieving to us.

393
00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:34,633
Lots of... Lots of rumors about me
getting caught with heroin last week.

394
00:24:35,006 --> 00:24:37,304
Then there was, like, four months ago.

395
00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:41,173
I just get busted
all the fucking time with heroin.

396
00:24:41,346 --> 00:24:42,080
Gee.

397
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:42,671
Gee.

398
00:24:46,418 --> 00:24:48,283
Who are you?

399
00:24:49,855 --> 00:24:51,755
Who's shouting?

400
00:24:51,923 --> 00:24:56,553
Is that you? Come on up, man.
Just hang out with us.

401
00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:58,929
Come on.

402
00:25:01,533 --> 00:25:05,435
Dude, I'm asking you on stage.
You don't have to stand there going:

403
00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:18,779
- Kick his ass!
- Come on over.

404
00:25:20,719 --> 00:25:23,210
- What is your name?
- Adam Miller.

405
00:25:28,593 --> 00:25:32,222
Calm down.
Get it out of your system, dude.

406
00:25:32,397 --> 00:25:34,160
What is it that you want
to express besides:

407
00:25:34,332 --> 00:25:35,822
Don't do the Jay rap.

408
00:25:36,001 --> 00:25:37,400
One thing.

409
00:25:37,569 --> 00:25:39,002
Oh, yeah.

410
00:25:40,272 --> 00:25:42,137
Is that it?

411
00:25:42,307 --> 00:25:45,435
All my friends will understand.

412
00:25:45,610 --> 00:25:48,340
Get the fuck off my stage.

413
00:26:03,929 --> 00:26:05,396
Oh, yeah.

414
00:26:07,632 --> 00:26:10,567
Adam, what's your mom's number?

415
00:26:12,203 --> 00:26:14,671
- What's your mom's number?
- 907...

416
00:26:14,839 --> 00:26:16,204
- Can we call her?
- Yeah.

417
00:26:16,374 --> 00:26:17,773
All right.

418
00:26:20,211 --> 00:26:23,374
Nine... 907...

419
00:26:27,352 --> 00:26:28,683
Okay.

420
00:26:31,656 --> 00:26:32,816
This is your mom?

421
00:26:32,991 --> 00:26:34,288
- What?
- This is your mom?

422
00:26:34,459 --> 00:26:35,653
- Yeah.
- You sure?

423
00:26:35,827 --> 00:26:37,055
Yeah.

424
00:26:40,966 --> 00:26:42,490
Hey, who's this?

425
00:26:43,134 --> 00:26:47,434
Are you Adam's dad? I'm gonna count
to three, say "hi" to Adam, okay?

426
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:50,097
We're at the college gig at Wyoming.
Hold on.

427
00:26:50,275 --> 00:26:53,005
Count three and say, "Hi, Adam."
One, two, three.

428
00:26:53,478 --> 00:26:55,002
Hello, Adam.

429
00:27:00,485 --> 00:27:04,444
We're at... Do you go here?
Do you go here, as well?

430
00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:08,059
- Yeah.
- No, Adam goes here. I was asking Adam.

431
00:27:08,526 --> 00:27:12,690
Adam is acting up, sir...
Mr. Miller.

432
00:27:12,897 --> 00:27:14,387
Is your last name Miller?

433
00:27:14,566 --> 00:27:17,763
Mr. Miller, Adam is acting up
so badly in the audience.

434
00:27:17,936 --> 00:27:20,131
He's calling attention to himself...

435
00:27:20,305 --> 00:27:23,001
...shouting,
throwing his hands in the air...

436
00:27:23,174 --> 00:27:26,439
...and acting, frankly,
like he's been doing the pot.

437
00:27:33,351 --> 00:27:34,978
What's that?

438
00:27:35,353 --> 00:27:39,790
Can I...? I'm gonna count to three,
can you chastise your son for us?

439
00:27:40,992 --> 00:27:43,085
Okay, on the count of three.

440
00:27:43,261 --> 00:27:45,821
One, two, three.

441
00:27:46,398 --> 00:27:48,593
Straighten up, Adam.

442
00:27:51,136 --> 00:27:53,001
Thank you, Mr. Miller.

443
00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:55,230
Good night. Bye-bye.

444
00:28:03,815 --> 00:28:07,342
Someone's getting a beating.

445
00:28:08,753 --> 00:28:12,416
I was just wondering,
in all the Cousin Walter stories...

446
00:28:12,590 --> 00:28:17,050
...and the oral sex stories in Chasing
Amy, did those actually happen?

447
00:28:17,228 --> 00:28:20,322
Or did you just think of those
on your own?

448
00:28:26,504 --> 00:28:29,735
You're asking me if I ever tried
to suck my own dick?

449
00:28:30,575 --> 00:28:33,408
- In a roundabout way, yeah.
- Right.

450
00:28:36,881 --> 00:28:39,042
"I really want
to ask him a question...

451
00:28:39,217 --> 00:28:42,243
...but I don't want to come off
like a fag."

452
00:28:43,054 --> 00:28:45,955
Have I ever...? Yeah, I've tried
to suck my own dick.

453
00:28:47,358 --> 00:28:50,122
There's not much more
you could say, beyond that.

454
00:28:50,295 --> 00:28:52,855
And that's when I knew
I could never be gay.

455
00:28:53,031 --> 00:28:57,263
I wouldn't know what to say to a dude
after he busted a loaf in my mouth.

456
00:28:58,603 --> 00:29:02,004
And that's not a condemnation.
I'm all for people being gay.

457
00:29:02,173 --> 00:29:05,165
Personally, for me,
I just would not know what to say.

458
00:29:05,343 --> 00:29:07,402
It would be socially awkward for me.

459
00:29:07,579 --> 00:29:09,046
To just be like:

460
00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:23,093
"What do you want to do now?"
You know?

461
00:29:23,261 --> 00:29:27,220
Just don't have any pillow talk ready
for that situation.

462
00:29:27,398 --> 00:29:30,595
But yeah, I tried.
When I was thinner.

463
00:29:31,069 --> 00:29:34,436
Now it's like
I'd be sucking my own gut.

464
00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:39,372
What about the oral sex stories?

465
00:29:39,544 --> 00:29:41,409
The chipped tooth,
the scraped knees in the car?

466
00:29:41,579 --> 00:29:42,978
No.

467
00:29:43,214 --> 00:29:46,445
I'm a real...
I'm not, like, an exciting fuck.

468
00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:50,520
So most of my shit takes place
safely on the confines of a mattress.

469
00:29:50,688 --> 00:29:52,212
And nothing ever got hurt.

470
00:29:52,390 --> 00:29:56,224
I did get wounded once
in a sexual situation...

471
00:29:56,394 --> 00:30:00,091
...but it was long after the movie. So
it was more like life imitating art...

472
00:30:00,265 --> 00:30:01,994
...but it didn't have
anything to do with oral.

473
00:30:02,167 --> 00:30:05,466
I had met my wife,
she interviewed me for USA Today.

474
00:30:05,637 --> 00:30:06,695
She used to work for USA Today.

475
00:30:06,871 --> 00:30:09,806
They told me, "A journalist's
gonna come interview you."

476
00:30:09,974 --> 00:30:12,704
It was because of Ben and Matt,
in a roundabout way.

477
00:30:12,877 --> 00:30:16,040
There was a period where,
when Good Will Hunting came out...

478
00:30:16,214 --> 00:30:20,310
...everyone fucking loved it. And then
when it's heading toward the Oscars...

479
00:30:20,485 --> 00:30:23,181
...other studios start trying
to fucking torpedo it.

480
00:30:23,354 --> 00:30:26,187
There was a rumor going around
that William Goldman...

481
00:30:26,357 --> 00:30:29,326
...the screenwriter who had written
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid...

482
00:30:29,494 --> 00:30:33,089
... The Princess Bride,
and a famous script doctor...

483
00:30:33,264 --> 00:30:36,859
...that he had written
most of Good Will Hunting.

484
00:30:37,035 --> 00:30:38,900
People were trying to take the credit
from Ben and Matt.

485
00:30:39,070 --> 00:30:42,403
There was a rumor I had written
some of Good Will Hunting...

486
00:30:42,574 --> 00:30:44,565
...because I was
an executive producer.

487
00:30:44,742 --> 00:30:47,506
The Miramax people said,
"Can you do an interview?

488
00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:51,115
We can't have Ben and Matt be like,
'lt's not true. '

489
00:30:51,282 --> 00:30:52,271
It sounds too defensive.

490
00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:56,385
If you say you didn't write it,
William Goldman didn't...

491
00:30:56,554 --> 00:30:59,216
...and as long as you've known about
the script, Ben and Matt wrote it."

492
00:30:59,390 --> 00:31:02,223
It's true. I read it long before
Miramax got involved.

493
00:31:02,393 --> 00:31:05,055
It's always been their script.
I said, "All right."

494
00:31:05,230 --> 00:31:08,358
They said, "We'll set you up
with a USA Today journalist...

495
00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:12,526
...named Jennifer Schwalbach." I've
interviewed with a lot of journalists...

496
00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:16,504
...in particular at USA Today, 
and they're all 40 to 50, usually guys.

497
00:31:16,674 --> 00:31:19,802
And the women I've met,
they look kind of like my mother.

498
00:31:19,978 --> 00:31:21,536
You know, they're matronly.

499
00:31:21,713 --> 00:31:24,910
Nobody fucking looks like Lois Lane.
That's the one thing I've noticed.

500
00:31:25,083 --> 00:31:27,813
I do a lot of interviews
and I'm never like:

501
00:31:27,986 --> 00:31:30,784
"Lois, I come from a planet
far... " You know.

502
00:31:30,955 --> 00:31:33,583
Because they all look like my mom.

503
00:31:35,026 --> 00:31:38,359
So I'm like, "Send her. I'll be at the
hotel." Because I was in Los Angeles.

504
00:31:38,529 --> 00:31:40,019
We were in pre-production
on Dogma...

505
00:31:40,198 --> 00:31:42,257
...but I was out in Los Angeles
rehearsing with Chris Rock...

506
00:31:42,433 --> 00:31:46,631
...because he was doing
Lethal Weapon...

507
00:31:46,804 --> 00:31:49,034
... 99? 19?

508
00:31:49,574 --> 00:31:52,975
The one with fucking
Murtaugh and Riggs.

509
00:31:54,512 --> 00:31:56,673
And Riggs is crazy.

510
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,445
So I'm out there rehearsing
with Chris Rock...

511
00:32:04,622 --> 00:32:09,582
...and I break to do my interview.
I wait for this chick...

512
00:32:09,761 --> 00:32:12,195
...and she shows up, and it's
the person who will become my wife.

513
00:32:12,363 --> 00:32:16,595
It's this stunning young woman.
And I was so fucking blown away.

514
00:32:16,768 --> 00:32:19,965
I was like, "What...?" I thought
somebody had sent a hooker to my room.

515
00:32:20,138 --> 00:32:24,006
I'm like, "Why would a beautiful girl
be at my door?

516
00:32:24,175 --> 00:32:27,474
This must be a prank." But she was
like, "I'm here to interview you."

517
00:32:27,645 --> 00:32:30,580
And I was like,
"Get out of here. You?"

518
00:32:30,748 --> 00:32:34,775
I couldn't not talk about the fact
that I was blown away...

519
00:32:34,953 --> 00:32:36,545
...somebody so young
was working at USA Today...

520
00:32:36,721 --> 00:32:40,521
...because USA Today is the most
widely-read newspaper in the universe.

521
00:32:40,692 --> 00:32:42,455
It goes to every fucking country.

522
00:32:42,627 --> 00:32:45,425
What you see in America
is what you see in Germany...

523
00:32:45,596 --> 00:32:48,565
...which is what you see
in France and Poland.

524
00:32:48,733 --> 00:32:51,861
No matter what they write,
it shows up everywhere...

525
00:32:52,036 --> 00:32:53,765
...in every edition of USA Today
across the planet.

526
00:32:53,938 --> 00:32:55,838
So I was like, "That's fucked up."

527
00:32:56,007 --> 00:33:00,137
I was about to start directing my
fourth film, but I felt like a slacker.

528
00:33:00,311 --> 00:33:04,372
Because here's this woman
in her mid-20s working at USA Today.

529
00:33:04,582 --> 00:33:06,550
I felt like I hadn't
accomplished anything.

530
00:33:06,718 --> 00:33:09,585
So I was like, "Can you get me
a job at USA Today?

531
00:33:09,754 --> 00:33:11,813
Because then
I will feel accomplished."

532
00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:14,458
I interviewed for two hours.

533
00:33:14,625 --> 00:33:17,219
Then afterwards we just sat around
bullshitting for three hours.

534
00:33:17,395 --> 00:33:21,195
I dug her and we got along well,
but I didn't know if she liked me.

535
00:33:21,366 --> 00:33:24,767
And I didn't even think I liked her,
because I'm not like that.

536
00:33:24,936 --> 00:33:28,804
I don't get around a pretty girl and
be like, "I'm gonna make the move."

537
00:33:28,973 --> 00:33:32,238
I have no self-confidence.
I can't read signals or anything.

538
00:33:32,410 --> 00:33:36,107
For all I knew, she was being nice
to me because she interviewed me.

539
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:39,772
I also went in thinking she was trying
to get dirt on Ben and Matt.

540
00:33:39,951 --> 00:33:44,411
So I was on my defensive. But then that
went away and we were just chatting.

541
00:33:44,589 --> 00:33:49,390
Before she left, she said, "You got a
Web board? You answer questions on it?"

542
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,118
I said, "Yeah, all the time."

543
00:33:51,295 --> 00:33:52,990
She said, "If I post on it,
would you answer a question?"

544
00:33:53,164 --> 00:33:56,031
I said, "Yeah. I would. I'll do it."

545
00:33:56,200 --> 00:34:00,034
A couple weeks later she put up a post.
I responded to it on the board...

546
00:34:00,204 --> 00:34:03,765
...and her e-mail was attached
so we started an e-mail relationship.

547
00:34:03,941 --> 00:34:05,841
That went to a phone relationship.

548
00:34:06,010 --> 00:34:08,604
I was in Pittsburgh
and she was in Los Angeles.

549
00:34:08,780 --> 00:34:13,717
And they told me that I had to go to
the Spirit Awards, the indie Oscars...

550
00:34:13,885 --> 00:34:16,285
...because Chasing Amy
was nominated for three:

551
00:34:16,454 --> 00:34:19,582
Best Picture, Best Screenplay, and
Best Supporting Actor, for Jason Lee.

552
00:34:19,757 --> 00:34:21,247
And I didn't want to go.

553
00:34:21,426 --> 00:34:24,293
We'd been nominated for Clerks
and didn't win anything.

554
00:34:24,462 --> 00:34:28,023
So I was like, "There's no point.
Plus, I'm in heavy pre-production."

555
00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:31,760
And the Spirit people said,
"You really, really should show up."

556
00:34:31,936 --> 00:34:35,428
And I was like, "That means I'll win
an award. Fuck it, I'm going."

557
00:34:35,606 --> 00:34:40,134
So Jen had been covering the award
circuit pretty heavily that year.

558
00:34:40,311 --> 00:34:45,078
She was covering Golden Globes,
the Blockbuster Movie Awards.

559
00:34:45,249 --> 00:34:46,614
The DGA, the WGA.

560
00:34:46,784 --> 00:34:49,582
She was gonna be covering the Oscars.
So I called her up and I was like:

561
00:34:49,754 --> 00:34:53,155
"I'm gonna go to the Spirit Awards,
are you covering it?"

562
00:34:53,324 --> 00:34:57,090
She said, "No. That's the only
award ceremony I'm not covering."

563
00:34:57,261 --> 00:35:02,494
She says, "Why?" I was like,
"'Cause I don't know anybody in L.A."

564
00:35:02,667 --> 00:35:05,329
And she said, "I'll go
if you want me to."

565
00:35:05,503 --> 00:35:10,338
I said, "Would you? Not as a date,
but would you just show up?" "Yeah."

566
00:35:10,508 --> 00:35:14,308
So she showed up and when we got
there I was backstage all day...

567
00:35:14,479 --> 00:35:18,176
...'cause I was presenting.
Once I finally got to sit down...

568
00:35:18,349 --> 00:35:22,752
...I won for screenplay and I had to
go up and accept and do the press line.

569
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:28,517
So by the end of the night, everyone
cleared out and it was me and her.

570
00:35:28,693 --> 00:35:31,992
We were driving, and she said,
"What do you want to do?"

571
00:35:32,163 --> 00:35:35,291
I said, "I'd like to get out of
these clothes."

572
00:35:35,466 --> 00:35:37,559
And she's like:
"Get out."

573
00:35:37,735 --> 00:35:41,136
And I was like, "Not like that."
I was wearing a suit, but...

574
00:35:41,305 --> 00:35:45,207
...wanted to wear something
nice like this instead.

575
00:35:45,376 --> 00:35:48,368
She's like, "My apartment is
scummy and I didn't clean up."

576
00:35:48,546 --> 00:35:50,343
I said, "It don't matter, I'm just
gonna put on some clothes."

577
00:35:50,515 --> 00:35:53,109
We went to her place.
I changed, and we went out to eat.

578
00:35:53,284 --> 00:35:57,812
We wound up just hanging out.
I was supposed to catch a plane...

579
00:35:57,989 --> 00:36:01,857
And then shit started to get smooth.

580
00:36:05,329 --> 00:36:09,095
I can't remember how it happened.
There was no booze involved...

581
00:36:09,267 --> 00:36:11,030
...which I was very proud of.

582
00:36:11,202 --> 00:36:13,329
Sometimes I look at her and think:

583
00:36:13,504 --> 00:36:16,302
"You'd have to be drunk
to fuck me, right?"

584
00:36:16,474 --> 00:36:20,410
But she wasn't. We were talking
about how I have a tattoo.

585
00:36:20,578 --> 00:36:23,240
And she was like, "Let me see it!"

586
00:36:23,414 --> 00:36:27,646
I said, "No. I don't show anybody
my tattoo because it's on my arm.

587
00:36:27,818 --> 00:36:31,345
I don't take my shirt off, ever."
And she said, "Well, ever?"

588
00:36:31,522 --> 00:36:37,154
"I leave my shirt on in the shower.
I never, never take my shirt off."

589
00:36:37,328 --> 00:36:41,389
She's like, "Well, I'll trade you. Show
me and I'll give you something."

590
00:36:41,566 --> 00:36:43,659
I said, "Like what?"

591
00:36:43,834 --> 00:36:47,668
You know, at this point,
devil and angel show up...

592
00:36:47,838 --> 00:36:51,968
...and the devil's like,
"Head. Head. Ask for head."

593
00:36:54,378 --> 00:36:57,745
And the angel's like, "Play it cool.
Don't be a pig."

594
00:36:57,915 --> 00:37:02,113
Which I wouldn't be anyway. So I said,
"Let me see your driver's license."

595
00:37:02,286 --> 00:37:06,620
"No, I'm never going to show anybody
my license. I look so stupid."

596
00:37:06,791 --> 00:37:12,320
"My ears are just popping out." I said,
"But I'm a real big fan of your ears."

597
00:37:12,496 --> 00:37:18,867
And she was like, "Really?" And I said,
"Yeah. They're, like, Dumbo ears."

598
00:37:21,639 --> 00:37:24,733
Which could have really
gone either way.

599
00:37:24,909 --> 00:37:28,174
But she was just like,
"That's kind of sweet."

600
00:37:28,346 --> 00:37:32,442
I was like, "I do. I dig your ears.
That's your best feature.

601
00:37:32,617 --> 00:37:39,113
Your ears are very striking. I'll show
you my tat if I can touch your ears."

602
00:37:39,290 --> 00:37:41,622
And she said, "All right."

603
00:37:41,792 --> 00:37:45,387
And I'm thinking,
"I'm gonna get laid tonight."

604
00:37:45,696 --> 00:37:48,665
She comes and sits next to me,
I pull up my sleeve.

605
00:37:48,833 --> 00:37:53,429
I have a long-sleeved shirt on, so it
takes 10 minutes to pull up my sleeve.

606
00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:57,335
My arm flab is hanging out the sides
and I show her my tattoo.

607
00:37:57,508 --> 00:38:01,740
She said, "That's so sweet." I said,
"Let me touch your ears now."

608
00:38:01,912 --> 00:38:05,643
I touch her ears, first time I'm
actually touching her body...

609
00:38:05,816 --> 00:38:08,478
...and I was immediately hard.

610
00:38:08,753 --> 00:38:12,086
But she don't know that
'cause I'm wearing jeans.

611
00:38:12,256 --> 00:38:15,419
She stays on the couch
and we're just chatting.

612
00:38:15,593 --> 00:38:18,528
At one point she just kind of
lays in my lap.

613
00:38:18,696 --> 00:38:22,689
She's like, "I'm so tired." I was
like, "Why don't you lay down?"

614
00:38:22,867 --> 00:38:26,200
So she lays down in my lap,
you know, face up.

615
00:38:28,339 --> 00:38:33,971
So I'm sitting there and she's
sitting kind of under my gut...

616
00:38:34,145 --> 00:38:39,879
...and I'm having to, like,
pull my shit aside to see her eyes.

617
00:38:40,818 --> 00:38:44,447
So she's laying with her head in my lap
and I'm like:

618
00:38:44,622 --> 00:38:48,581
"I gotta be an idiot not to go for it."
'Cause I don't know.

619
00:38:48,759 --> 00:38:52,058
As far as I know,
maybe she's just friendly...

620
00:38:52,229 --> 00:38:56,598
...one of those physically friendly
people and if I try to kiss her...

621
00:38:56,767 --> 00:39:02,831
...she's gonna be like, "Ew, no! I just
like to lay my head in people's laps."

622
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:06,100
Then finally I was like,
"You know, fuck it."

623
00:39:06,277 --> 00:39:09,872
So we're looking at each other
and I lean down and we kiss.

624
00:39:10,047 --> 00:39:13,312
And I was like,
"Holy shit, I think she likes me!"

625
00:39:13,484 --> 00:39:19,980
So we re-position on the couch
and start pretty heavily making out.

626
00:39:20,157 --> 00:39:26,027
And she starts grinding into me,
like, she starts dry humping me.

627
00:39:26,197 --> 00:39:30,190
And I'm like, "I am fucking definitely
getting laid tonight!"

628
00:39:35,539 --> 00:39:39,066
But the problem is,
she is grinding into me so hard...

629
00:39:39,243 --> 00:39:42,406
...and my dick is in
such an awkward position...

630
00:39:42,580 --> 00:39:45,708
...that the inside of the zipper
of my jeans...

631
00:39:47,985 --> 00:39:52,445
...is grinding against
the back of my dick.

632
00:39:52,857 --> 00:39:57,294
So here's, like, you know, here's the...
Here's my dick.

633
00:40:04,402 --> 00:40:07,098
Gotta be honest. Here's my dick.

634
00:40:07,271 --> 00:40:10,240
This is the top, here's the back.

635
00:40:10,408 --> 00:40:15,607
Like this is the front, and then
there's like the cut here, and then...

636
00:40:15,780 --> 00:40:21,343
So this area right here, you know,
under the hood... The hood kind of...

637
00:40:21,519 --> 00:40:26,980
You know, the collar goes away
when you get hard.

638
00:40:27,158 --> 00:40:31,925
Here is this getting just driven
into the fucking zipper...

639
00:40:32,096 --> 00:40:36,055
...through my underwear.
Bang, bang, bang. Scraping.

640
00:40:36,233 --> 00:40:39,498
And I'm sitting there making out,
and I'm of two minds:

641
00:40:39,670 --> 00:40:43,504
"This is awesome. I can't put a
stop to this because who knows...

642
00:40:43,674 --> 00:40:48,771
...where it's gonna go.
This could be my first one-night stand.

643
00:40:48,979 --> 00:40:54,315
Am I going to complain that it hurts?"
The other side was like, "Fucking ow!"

644
00:40:57,354 --> 00:41:00,448
And in my mind's eye,
I'm just seeing it as...

645
00:41:00,624 --> 00:41:03,218
...the fucking thing is falling off.

646
00:41:03,394 --> 00:41:08,957
But I don't want to say anything
'cause it's going so well.

647
00:41:09,133 --> 00:41:12,500
She says, "Don't you have to
catch a plane?"

648
00:41:12,670 --> 00:41:18,768
"Well, I was supposed to, but I'd be
happy to stay. All night.

649
00:41:18,943 --> 00:41:22,811
We don't have to do anything.
I could sleep on the couch.

650
00:41:22,980 --> 00:41:27,917
I just don't really want to go. I'm
into sitting here making out with you."

651
00:41:28,085 --> 00:41:31,248
She's like "All right,"
and we go back to making out.

652
00:41:31,422 --> 00:41:34,823
She stands up, says, "Do you want
to come into the bedroom?"

653
00:41:34,992 --> 00:41:36,823
"Yes."

654
00:41:37,461 --> 00:41:40,521
We go into the bedroom,
she lights some candles...

655
00:41:40,698 --> 00:41:43,531
...she goes into her bathroom,
closes the door.

656
00:41:43,701 --> 00:41:45,862
Immediately I'm like:

657
00:41:46,036 --> 00:41:49,096
'Cause I want to see
how bad the damage is.

658
00:41:49,273 --> 00:41:51,833
And it's fucking bad.

659
00:41:52,543 --> 00:41:57,105
It looks like... Under the tip of...
Bear with me.

660
00:41:57,281 --> 00:42:03,242
Under the tip of the back of my cock
looks like a bullet wound.

661
00:42:04,788 --> 00:42:08,724
It looked like somebody took a 9
and was like:

662
00:42:09,126 --> 00:42:12,755
And at this point I have
an open sore on my cock.

663
00:42:13,531 --> 00:42:19,993
The thing they warn you about
in phys. Ed. From 1987 forward:

664
00:42:20,671 --> 00:42:24,698
Never have sex with an open wound.
In all those years of school and...

665
00:42:24,875 --> 00:42:28,504
...health education, I was like,
"Who would ever do that?"

666
00:42:28,679 --> 00:42:30,943
I'm about to do it.

667
00:42:31,181 --> 00:42:34,639
There's no way I'm gonna say no.
She seems cool.

668
00:42:34,818 --> 00:42:38,185
Maybe she's got VD, maybe she don't.
I don't care.

669
00:42:38,355 --> 00:42:42,815
I'm so wrapped up in the moment and
the pain, I'm putting the pain away...

670
00:42:42,993 --> 00:42:45,325
...trying to do Taoist theory on it.

671
00:42:45,529 --> 00:42:50,296
"To be great is to go on, is to go
forward, is to return... " you know.

672
00:42:50,501 --> 00:42:55,165
She comes out, sexy shit on.
We go to the bed, we start making out.

673
00:42:55,339 --> 00:42:59,298
My clothes start coming off.
I start blowing out candles.

674
00:43:05,149 --> 00:43:09,245
'Cause she starts reaching for my
shirt. I'm like:

675
00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:12,719
I know if she gets one look,
it's all over.

676
00:43:12,923 --> 00:43:17,587
We start fooling around. Then suddenly,
the moment of truth, man.

677
00:43:17,761 --> 00:43:21,561
I'm like, "Do I just stop?
Should I stop? No, fuck it."

678
00:43:21,732 --> 00:43:23,529
And I'm inside.

679
00:43:23,701 --> 00:43:27,569
And it was like sticking my dick
in battery acid.

680
00:43:29,039 --> 00:43:32,975
It just hurt so fucking much.
And I was just like:

681
00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:39,911
'Cause I'm a real
I-lay-on-the-bed kind of guy.

682
00:43:40,084 --> 00:43:44,612
Because if I'm on top
and I lose my balance...

683
00:43:45,456 --> 00:43:47,720
She's fucking dead.

684
00:43:49,593 --> 00:43:51,754
"Are you all right?

685
00:43:51,962 --> 00:43:56,990
Do you have any friends we could call,
come pick me up?"

686
00:43:57,668 --> 00:44:00,637
So she's on the top
and she's going to town...

687
00:44:00,804 --> 00:44:06,299
...and I'm in agony, but I'm like,
"No way I'm putting a stop to it."

688
00:44:06,477 --> 00:44:11,380
And finally it came to an end and we
spent the night in each other's arms.

689
00:44:11,548 --> 00:44:17,214
A year later, we were married. Sweet
story. So after we're married...

690
00:44:17,388 --> 00:44:20,789
After we're married for,
I don't know, about a month...

691
00:44:20,958 --> 00:44:24,621
...we were chitchatting about
the origin of our relationship.

692
00:44:24,795 --> 00:44:27,423
And I was like, "Did you know...

693
00:44:28,932 --> 00:44:35,428
...that the first time we had sex,
I was sporting an open wound?"

694
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:39,942
And she was like,
"Qu'est-ce que c'est?"

695
00:44:40,110 --> 00:44:43,238
"The first time we had sex,
I had an open wound."

696
00:44:43,414 --> 00:44:45,473
"What are you, fucking nuts?"

697
00:44:45,649 --> 00:44:50,677
"Why would you tell me that now?
What are you, some kind of pig?"

698
00:44:50,854 --> 00:44:53,880
I said, "You created the open wound."

699
00:44:54,058 --> 00:44:57,960
She said, "How?"
"All the fucking dry humping."

700
00:44:58,128 --> 00:45:00,722
"And you still went through with it?"
"Yeah."

701
00:45:00,898 --> 00:45:03,924
"Why?"
And I was like, "'Cause I love you."

702
00:45:11,475 --> 00:45:15,411
With just a Matty Damon,
Academy Award-winning performance.

703
00:45:15,579 --> 00:45:17,843
She said, "That is so sweet."

704
00:45:18,015 --> 00:45:24,215
She got a little glassy-eyed. Cut back
to a year before, I was like, "Ow! Ow!"

705
00:45:24,388 --> 00:45:29,155
Wasn't really doing it for love, more:
"Holy shit, this chick's fucking me!

706
00:45:29,326 --> 00:45:31,624
And I just met her."

707
00:45:31,829 --> 00:45:33,490
So that's the worst...

708
00:45:33,664 --> 00:45:36,827
- I'll never work that into a script...
- Oh, come on.

709
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,525
I just did it here and shit.

710
00:45:39,703 --> 00:45:42,968
Everyone here would see the movie
and be like, "Heard it."

711
00:45:43,140 --> 00:45:47,975
"He's talking about his wife. She cut
his dick wide open before they met.

712
00:45:48,145 --> 00:45:52,081
Did a real Lorena Bobbitt on him
and he still fucked her.

713
00:45:52,249 --> 00:45:55,707
Because his options are limited."

714
00:45:55,886 --> 00:46:00,346
But that was the worst kind of sexual
experience that I ever had.

715
00:46:00,524 --> 00:46:03,118
- But I married the chick, so it's okay.
- Thanks.

716
00:46:03,327 --> 00:46:08,924
You're welcome.
Thanks for making me expose some...

717
00:46:14,138 --> 00:46:18,268
Just flashing on the moment your
parents are writing tuition checks:

718
00:46:18,442 --> 00:46:22,538
"I wonder what the 5000-dollar
student-activity fund fee is for?"

719
00:46:22,713 --> 00:46:27,309
So you can sit here and listen to how
I cut my fucking cock open.

720
00:46:30,387 --> 00:46:32,878
- Kevin, my name is Jackie Busek.
- Yes.

721
00:46:33,056 --> 00:46:36,583
We all love the few lines
Silent Bob does say in each movie.

722
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:40,992
But we love even more the few dance
moves you show off in Clerks...

723
00:46:41,165 --> 00:46:44,066
...and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

724
00:46:48,472 --> 00:46:54,138
And I was just wondering if you'd
show us some of those smooth moves.

725
00:47:01,351 --> 00:47:02,340
Moves!

726
00:47:02,619 --> 00:47:06,077
- See, this is where I draw the line.
- Come on!

727
00:47:06,256 --> 00:47:09,350
I'll stand up here and answer
questions.

728
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:11,790
Come on, we all want you to do it!

729
00:47:11,995 --> 00:47:14,520
No, 'cause that's... No, no, wait!

730
00:47:22,339 --> 00:47:27,675
No, because that's... That would be
kind of dehumanizing to me.

731
00:47:27,845 --> 00:47:31,042
'Cause I'd feel like a dancing chimp
at that point.

732
00:47:31,215 --> 00:47:34,810
Like, "Dance, little monkey!"

733
00:47:36,119 --> 00:47:40,419
- I gotta maintain a little dignity.
- Just for a couple seconds?

734
00:47:40,591 --> 00:47:42,559
- Just what?
- A couple seconds, even.

735
00:47:42,759 --> 00:47:45,023
A couple of... No.

736
00:47:46,129 --> 00:47:48,962
'Cause once you start, how do you stop?

737
00:47:49,132 --> 00:47:52,966
I do that and then somebody else
is like, "Hey, drop your pants!"

738
00:47:53,170 --> 00:47:58,608
"Do it! We're paying you enough!
Drop your pants!" You know?

739
00:47:58,775 --> 00:48:02,404
No. That you really don't want.

740
00:48:03,847 --> 00:48:07,214
But no, dancing I don't do.
I don't do dancing.

741
00:48:07,484 --> 00:48:10,544
- All right. Thank you, though.
- All right, good try.

742
00:48:10,721 --> 00:48:11,710
Oh, fuck you!

743
00:48:15,092 --> 00:48:20,587
You act like I broke her heart, man.
She's like, "Dance, fat boy!

744
00:48:20,764 --> 00:48:25,030
Me and my friends
want to see you jiggle.

745
00:48:25,202 --> 00:48:28,399
Do the chunk shuffle, bitch!"

746
00:48:35,279 --> 00:48:36,803
I'll dance with you!

747
00:48:37,981 --> 00:48:42,816
This is the sad thing. You know
Woody Allen doesn't go through this.

748
00:48:42,986 --> 00:48:46,444
It's not like, "Back when we made
Manhattan..."

749
00:48:46,623 --> 00:48:51,185
"Dance! Fucking dance, Woody!

750
00:48:51,361 --> 00:48:54,125
Do the Soon-Yi!"

751
00:48:57,901 --> 00:48:58,368
It's Chap Stick.

752
00:48:58,368 --> 00:49:00,063
It's Chap Stick.

753
00:49:05,842 --> 00:49:08,538
- What was that?
- Somebody outside.

754
00:49:08,712 --> 00:49:10,942
- Really?
- There's a balcony up there.

755
00:49:11,114 --> 00:49:12,138
Let them in.

756
00:49:17,054 --> 00:49:18,749
Fuck them, I paid!

757
00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:20,947
- What's that?
- I paid for this.

758
00:49:21,124 --> 00:49:22,887
Somebody let me in!

759
00:49:25,996 --> 00:49:27,623
Are you all right?

760
00:49:29,933 --> 00:49:33,027
I'm outside, I need somebody
to let me in!

761
00:49:36,306 --> 00:49:38,934
- Come on.
- Let him in, come on.

762
00:49:48,218 --> 00:49:49,810
Do you need help?

763
00:49:51,888 --> 00:49:53,219
With what?

764
00:49:53,824 --> 00:49:56,520
My friend has tickets! He's inside!

765
00:49:56,693 --> 00:49:58,092
With Ren and Stimpy?

766
00:50:01,331 --> 00:50:04,698
Tim! Where are you, Tim?

767
00:50:04,901 --> 00:50:10,464
Don't talk to them. Talk to me.
I made Clerks.

768
00:50:20,283 --> 00:50:22,478
How many?

769
00:50:23,153 --> 00:50:24,245
Five, now.

770
00:50:24,454 --> 00:50:28,550
"Five, now"?
Is the group getting bigger?

771
00:50:28,725 --> 00:50:31,990
You have a... What?
You want to suck me off?

772
00:50:36,433 --> 00:50:40,164
I have no control over
whether you can come in or not.

773
00:50:40,337 --> 00:50:41,531
I am powerless.

774
00:50:41,738 --> 00:50:45,174
- Please, for the love of God. We paid!
- What?

775
00:50:45,342 --> 00:50:48,573
- They paid.
- Tim has their tickets.

776
00:50:49,546 --> 00:50:52,674
- Tim has the tickets? Tim?
- Yeah, Tim!

777
00:50:52,883 --> 00:50:55,716
Tim?

778
00:50:55,886 --> 00:50:58,286
Is Tim around?

779
00:50:59,623 --> 00:51:00,885
Is that Tim?

780
00:51:04,494 --> 00:51:09,022
Put your head up here, right here!
Put your head up here, goddamn it!

781
00:51:19,576 --> 00:51:22,374
You're not Tim, are you?

782
00:51:24,114 --> 00:51:25,206
Is Tim around?

783
00:51:27,250 --> 00:51:30,083
Tim doesn't exist!

784
00:51:30,387 --> 00:51:34,881
We're trying to get you free, hold on.
Hold on.

785
00:51:35,392 --> 00:51:36,950
- I have one!
- I got one!

786
00:51:41,398 --> 00:51:43,491
Take shallow breaths.

787
00:51:44,835 --> 00:51:48,999
- We're closing off the compartment.
- They're gonna let us in!

788
00:51:49,206 --> 00:51:53,040
- We got two tickets!
- You got tickets? Bring them on up.

789
00:51:53,310 --> 00:51:58,043
- The guy's got our ticket!
- One, two, three, four, five.

790
00:51:58,215 --> 00:52:01,878
Can I...? I'll take one.
We have five tickets.

791
00:52:13,063 --> 00:52:15,759
Can we let them in? Who's in charge?

792
00:52:15,932 --> 00:52:18,628
I don't dare open that door.

793
00:52:19,636 --> 00:52:20,933
Make them dance!

794
00:52:21,104 --> 00:52:25,404
- Somebody has breached the door.
- Now we got to find five seats!

795
00:52:25,575 --> 00:52:28,738
Make them dance? Genius.

796
00:52:42,826 --> 00:52:46,262
- Dance, monkey boys!
- Dance, boys!

797
00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:50,964
Hold on. We're gonna spring it
on them. Come up here.

798
00:52:51,134 --> 00:52:55,195
These guys too? Come on up.

799
00:52:56,673 --> 00:53:00,473
- This is an honor. Sincerely.
- Hey, man, how are you?

800
00:53:00,644 --> 00:53:03,374
Come on up.
Where are the other three?

801
00:53:04,981 --> 00:53:06,175
Tim?

802
00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:09,284
- Tim Rothfield! Anyone?
- That's it. You guys, five?

803
00:53:09,452 --> 00:53:11,920
- He ditched you.
- These cats got you tickets.

804
00:53:12,088 --> 00:53:14,579
It wasn't me. I said...

805
00:53:19,996 --> 00:53:22,464
We're not trying to steal the show.

806
00:53:22,632 --> 00:53:23,621
Good. You're...

807
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:27,600
- Make them dance!
- Drop your pants!

808
00:53:27,771 --> 00:53:30,501
Show them your cock!

809
00:53:30,907 --> 00:53:35,810
These guys demand that since they
got you in, they want you to dance.

810
00:53:35,979 --> 00:53:38,539
- I need music.
- Can we have some music?

811
00:53:38,748 --> 00:53:43,151
From when Silent Bob and Jay
dance outside...

812
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:47,814
- You don't get to request the music.
- I'm sorry. Just any music, man.

813
00:54:12,082 --> 00:54:15,245
All right, it's over.
Fun time's over. Back to work.

814
00:54:15,418 --> 00:54:19,411
Thanks for the tickets!
We're not trying to steal the show.

815
00:54:25,295 --> 00:54:27,763
I really feel like we
did some good today.

816
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:32,566
Just real quick.
You haven't touched on it...

817
00:54:32,736 --> 00:54:35,432
...and I don't know how many
people know about it.

818
00:54:35,639 --> 00:54:38,608
In the middle of June,
you were up in Minneapolis...

819
00:54:38,775 --> 00:54:43,712
...filming a documentary for Prince
that as far as I've heard...

820
00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:48,317
...is never gonna see the light of day.
Can you shed a little light on that?

821
00:54:48,785 --> 00:54:52,846
We were trying to get a Prince song
for Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back...

822
00:54:53,056 --> 00:54:56,719
...where Shannon Elizabeth's character
comes into the restaurant...

823
00:54:56,893 --> 00:55:01,592
...the song "The Most Beautiful Girl
in the World," but we got no response.

824
00:55:01,765 --> 00:55:03,960
Then one day I got a call
at the office.

825
00:55:04,134 --> 00:55:07,228
They said, "Prince's office called.
He wants to speak to you."

826
00:55:07,404 --> 00:55:10,237
"Holy shit! Fucking Pr...
His Royal Badness?"

827
00:55:10,974 --> 00:55:16,207
'Cause I'm a Prince fan. So I said,
"I'm gonna call him back."

828
00:55:16,379 --> 00:55:20,145
So I call him up and they answer,
and they're like:

829
00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:23,980
"Prince isn't available right now,
but he does want to speak to you...

830
00:55:24,154 --> 00:55:27,351
...so sit by the phone
and we'll call you back."

831
00:55:27,557 --> 00:55:29,457
So I'm like, "All right."

832
00:55:31,561 --> 00:55:33,256
Ring.

833
00:55:33,430 --> 00:55:37,025
And I wait and wait and wait.
About 15, 20 minutes later...

834
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:41,034
...somebody calls. And they're like,
"Is Kevin there?" "This is he."

835
00:55:41,204 --> 00:55:46,267
"Kevin, hi. I'm calling from Prince's
office. He'll call you in 25 minutes."

836
00:55:46,443 --> 00:55:48,911
I said, "Awesome. All right, bye."

837
00:55:49,079 --> 00:55:51,309
25 minutes later,
phone rings.

838
00:55:51,481 --> 00:55:54,712
"Is Kevin there?
This is Trevor in Prince's office.

839
00:55:54,884 --> 00:55:57,944
Prince will be calling you in
19 minutes."

840
00:55:58,121 --> 00:56:00,919
And I said, "This is genius."

841
00:56:02,559 --> 00:56:06,552
Because it sounds like they have shit
well-scheduled, 19 minutes...

842
00:56:06,730 --> 00:56:09,460
...but then again,
this is the third time he called.

843
00:56:09,632 --> 00:56:13,033
So I said, "Hey, man, just a
question. When I talk to the guy...

844
00:56:13,203 --> 00:56:16,866
...can I...? Do you call him Prince?
Do I call him Artist?

845
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:19,531
You know, what do you
call him? Jack?"

846
00:56:19,709 --> 00:56:23,076
And he said, "He's back to Prince.
Call him Prince."

847
00:56:23,246 --> 00:56:25,441
I sit around,
I get another phone call:

848
00:56:25,615 --> 00:56:29,574
"Prince wants to call you tonight at
home. Can we have that number?"

849
00:56:29,753 --> 00:56:32,483
I give it to him.
I go home and I'm like:

850
00:56:32,655 --> 00:56:36,113
"Prince is calling! Everybody get
away from the phone!"

851
00:56:36,292 --> 00:56:37,850
The kid wants to play...

852
00:56:38,027 --> 00:56:41,428
...l'm like, "Go away,
Prince is calling."

853
00:56:41,598 --> 00:56:44,999
So I wait and the phone rings
and I get Trevor again:

854
00:56:45,168 --> 00:56:47,500
"Prince is gonna be calling
in five minutes."

855
00:56:47,670 --> 00:56:50,138
"I am so ready for this call."

856
00:56:50,306 --> 00:56:53,173
Phone rings again
and I hear his fucking voice.

857
00:56:53,343 --> 00:56:55,903
He's just like, "Kevin?"
And I said, "Prince?"

858
00:56:57,781 --> 00:57:02,343
Because that's his name.
And he said, "How you doing?"

859
00:57:02,519 --> 00:57:05,647
I said, "I'm excellent. How are you?"
He said, "Very good."

860
00:57:05,822 --> 00:57:08,313
"I just want to tell you
I'm a huge fan."

861
00:57:08,491 --> 00:57:12,257
He goes, "Likewise." "Really?"
"Oh, yeah. Particularly Dogma. "

862
00:57:12,429 --> 00:57:15,125
He's like, "Would you like to
do something together?"

863
00:57:15,298 --> 00:57:19,792
"Yeah, what do you want to do?"
I'm thinking he wants to do a musical.

864
00:57:20,103 --> 00:57:23,539
But it's not the musical
that he wants to do, necessarily.

865
00:57:23,706 --> 00:57:30,009
He starts talking about Dogma:
"I really enjoyed Dogma...

866
00:57:30,180 --> 00:57:33,672
...I thought it was incredible.
I thought the message was great."

867
00:57:33,850 --> 00:57:37,308
He went on at great lengths about it.
I'm listening to him...

868
00:57:37,487 --> 00:57:40,786
...and it's starting not to sound like
the movie I made.

869
00:57:40,957 --> 00:57:43,983
A little bit. He's got
the character names down...

870
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:46,822
...but there's things he's
talking about that I'm like:

871
00:57:46,996 --> 00:57:49,487
"I didn't say that
in the movie, did I?"

872
00:57:49,666 --> 00:57:53,124
Like, "Hold on." I'm going to
rewind the movie.

873
00:57:55,505 --> 00:58:02,001
He starts talking more and more
about spirituality, religion, faith.

874
00:58:02,178 --> 00:58:05,272
It becomes very apparent
over the course of a half-hour...

875
00:58:05,448 --> 00:58:08,542
...Prince is way into Jesus.
Like, really into Jesus.

876
00:58:08,751 --> 00:58:13,745
He's always had one foot in the
corporeal, one foot in the spiritual.

877
00:58:13,923 --> 00:58:16,756
He sings about "Darling Nikki,"
but he also sings about God.

878
00:58:16,926 --> 00:58:21,863
But it felt like the pendulum swung
far away from nookie...

879
00:58:22,966 --> 00:58:25,298
...right into the Son of God.

880
00:58:25,468 --> 00:58:29,268
And I... You know, I'm thinking
I can talk smack to this dude...

881
00:58:29,439 --> 00:58:33,637
...but he doesn't want to hear from
language. At one point he says:

882
00:58:33,810 --> 00:58:35,471
"I'll put you an example."

883
00:58:35,645 --> 00:58:39,877
He's sitting there ministering
to me at a certain point.

884
00:58:40,049 --> 00:58:43,280
But I'm not going to say anything
'cause it's Prince.

885
00:58:43,453 --> 00:58:45,819
So he's like, "I'll give you an example.

886
00:58:45,989 --> 00:58:51,985
You make movies with cursing in them."
I said, "Yeah."

887
00:58:52,161 --> 00:58:56,962
And he said, "Can you make a movie
without cursing in it?"

888
00:58:57,133 --> 00:59:00,660
I said, "Yeah, I guess.
But why bother?"

889
00:59:00,837 --> 00:59:03,397
And he said, "Do you understand...

890
00:59:03,606 --> 00:59:07,201
...that cursing offends some people?
Vulgarity offends people."

891
00:59:07,377 --> 00:59:11,074
I said, "Yeah." And he goes,
"Do you mean to offend people?"

892
00:59:11,247 --> 00:59:16,184
I said, "No, no." And he's like,
"But you still do it anyway?" "Yeah."

893
00:59:16,352 --> 00:59:21,051
He's going, "Okay, we're gonna put you
over here." I was like, "Where?"

894
00:59:21,224 --> 00:59:25,923
And I, you know, I can't see him,
but I think he went like this:

895
00:59:26,095 --> 00:59:30,259
And I really want to know what
over here is, but he doesn't explain.

896
00:59:30,433 --> 00:59:32,765
He gets very cryptic like that.

897
00:59:32,936 --> 00:59:37,202
He's like, "Kevin, if a big snake
gives birth to a little snake...

898
00:59:37,373 --> 00:59:41,742
...what is that little snake gonna
grow up to be?" "A big snake?"

899
00:59:42,612 --> 00:59:43,601
He's like, "Right.

900
00:59:43,780 --> 00:59:48,012
That snake gives birth to a snake.
What's that gonna grow to be?"

901
00:59:48,217 --> 00:59:51,709
And I said, "Big snake."

902
00:59:51,888 --> 00:59:54,948
He said, "Exactly, you gotta
know who your father is."

903
00:59:55,158 --> 00:59:57,251
And I'm like...

904
01:00:03,066 --> 01:00:08,163
I don't know what that fucking means.
So I'm like, "I hear you. I hear you."

905
01:00:10,540 --> 01:00:15,534
He's like, "So you wanna do this?"
I'm like, "Yeah, what are we doing?"

906
01:00:15,712 --> 01:00:19,204
He said, "I have this thing
called 'the Celebration'...

907
01:00:19,415 --> 01:00:23,476
...where I'm gonna debut
my new album for a bunch of fans.

908
01:00:23,686 --> 01:00:26,553
They come to Paisley Park,
we have an event.

909
01:00:26,723 --> 01:00:30,454
Then we're gonna have parties
where people hear the album.

910
01:00:30,660 --> 01:00:35,188
I want to make a movie that we can
bring to the Cannes Film Festival."

911
01:00:35,398 --> 01:00:37,263
I said, "Really?"
He said, "Yeah."

912
01:00:37,467 --> 01:00:41,028
"Like a concert film?" I'm saying.
He's like, "Kind of...

913
01:00:41,237 --> 01:00:44,695
...but I want to do bold things.
I want to put up the words:

914
01:00:44,907 --> 01:00:48,900
'Jesus Christ is the Son Of God, '
and let them deal with it."

915
01:00:49,112 --> 01:00:53,048
And I'm like, "Well, I already
made that movie, kind of."

916
01:00:53,383 --> 01:00:56,181
But I didn't say that
because it's Prince.

917
01:00:56,352 --> 01:00:58,343
I said, "That's fucking bold!"

918
01:00:58,554 --> 01:01:02,251
He said, "What did I say about
cursing?" I said, "I got you."

919
01:01:02,458 --> 01:01:06,724
He said, "You free to come do this?"
I said, "Yeah, absolutely."

920
01:01:06,896 --> 01:01:09,558
He said, "I'll let you know
when we're doing it."

921
01:01:09,766 --> 01:01:12,428
I was like, "Shit,
that's fucking great!"

922
01:01:12,635 --> 01:01:14,193
I go and tell everyone.

923
01:01:14,404 --> 01:01:18,272
Mosier goes, "Did you ask
about the song for the movie?"

924
01:01:18,474 --> 01:01:21,443
And I was like, "No, fuck, I forgot!"

925
01:01:21,644 --> 01:01:24,545
I was like, "Should I just
call him again?

926
01:01:24,747 --> 01:01:27,511
Aren't we kind of
friends at this point?"

927
01:01:27,717 --> 01:01:30,208
He says, "Find out
if we can use the song."

928
01:01:30,420 --> 01:01:35,187
I call him the next day and I was
like, "Hey, Prince, it's Kevin.

929
01:01:35,391 --> 01:01:40,454
Listen, we talked a lot and I look
forward to this thing we're gonna do...

930
01:01:40,630 --> 01:01:43,463
...but we're making
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back...

931
01:01:43,633 --> 01:01:47,228
...and it has the dudes
who were in Dogma, remember?

932
01:01:47,437 --> 01:01:51,498
I needed to use 'The Most
Beautiful Girl in the World. '

933
01:01:51,708 --> 01:01:56,805
I want to put it in this one scene."
And he goes, "No."

934
01:01:56,979 --> 01:02:00,710
I said, "No?" He said,
"I'm gonna have to pass on that."

935
01:02:00,883 --> 01:02:06,185
He's like, "You can use the Time song,"
which he owns the publishing for.

936
01:02:06,355 --> 01:02:11,691
And I said, "All right. Bye." You know?
I was like, "That's so fucking weird."

937
01:02:11,894 --> 01:02:14,761
The dude said, "Come shoot
a documentary for me."

938
01:02:14,964 --> 01:02:17,728
Then I'm like, "Can I have
one of your songs?"

939
01:02:17,934 --> 01:02:20,027
He's like, "No."

940
01:02:20,236 --> 01:02:23,137
I thought people
gave each other things.

941
01:02:23,339 --> 01:02:26,502
But I don't say anything
because it's Prince.

942
01:02:26,709 --> 01:02:32,045
So it's time to go up there and I'm
in the midst of editing the movie...

943
01:02:32,215 --> 01:02:35,776
...we're getting to crunch time.
Many things are going on...

944
01:02:35,952 --> 01:02:40,048
...the last thing in the world
I should do is go to Minnesota.

945
01:02:40,256 --> 01:02:43,817
But I'm like, "Fuck it.
Once in a lifetime chance.

946
01:02:44,026 --> 01:02:47,189
It's fucking Prince, I gotta go."
I grab the wife...

947
01:02:47,396 --> 01:02:51,059
...jump on the plane. We go
to Minnesota. I get out there...

948
01:02:51,267 --> 01:02:55,727
...and I meet with his producer,
this great woman named Stephanie.

949
01:02:55,938 --> 01:03:00,739
And Stephanie's like, "He's on-stage
talking to a bunch of people.

950
01:03:00,943 --> 01:03:02,843
He'll tell you what he wants."

951
01:03:03,045 --> 01:03:06,845
I go in and he's sitting
on the stage and he's very small.

952
01:03:07,049 --> 01:03:11,418
He looks big on-stage, but he's
very small. But he's decked out.

953
01:03:11,587 --> 01:03:15,614
He's wearing clothes that look
like somebody just sewed them.

954
01:03:15,825 --> 01:03:20,194
Like an outfit, like he's
in a play, doing Shakespeare.

955
01:03:20,396 --> 01:03:23,456
Not like nice clothes like this.

956
01:03:23,666 --> 01:03:25,793
And he's in heels, of course.

957
01:03:26,002 --> 01:03:30,371
I'm like, "He's in heels. It's casual
time and he's in heels."

958
01:03:30,540 --> 01:03:34,636
I always thought, around
the house, he's wearing kicks.

959
01:03:34,844 --> 01:03:40,714
So we start talking. He tells me about
his beefs with the music industry.

960
01:03:40,883 --> 01:03:44,819
And you can't follow him,
he's jumping topic to topic.

961
01:03:44,987 --> 01:03:48,980
And I'm like, "Uh-huh. I don't
know what he's saying. What?"

962
01:03:49,192 --> 01:03:54,687
And he's talking, at one point,
"Anybody can take a song and record it."

963
01:03:54,864 --> 01:03:58,027
I was like, "Really?"
He's like, "It happened to Chaka Khan."

964
01:03:58,234 --> 01:04:01,032
He's like, "Whitney Houston
recorded, 'I'm Every Woman. '

965
01:04:01,237 --> 01:04:05,833
Chaka didn't want that, Chaka mad."
I'm like, "Chaka mad?"

966
01:04:06,742 --> 01:04:09,506
He's like, "Chaka real mad."

967
01:04:11,547 --> 01:04:16,450
I'm trying to figure out what I'm
supposed to do about Chaka being mad.

968
01:04:16,652 --> 01:04:20,850
He's like, "I want you to shoot
people's reaction to the album.

969
01:04:21,057 --> 01:04:24,549
Let them listen to it and
you have them talk about it.

970
01:04:24,727 --> 01:04:28,959
And then I want to talk about religion
and lead that into race...

971
01:04:29,131 --> 01:04:31,759
...and lead it into
the music biz and radio.

972
01:04:31,934 --> 01:04:35,563
At the end of the week,
I want to change the world."

973
01:04:35,738 --> 01:04:40,175
I'm like, "I'm in the middle of making
a dick-and-fart-joke movie.

974
01:04:40,343 --> 01:04:43,540
I'm not prepared to change my
underwear, let alone the world.

975
01:04:43,713 --> 01:04:48,275
I don't think I can... I don't...
I don't... All right."

976
01:04:48,451 --> 01:04:52,512
He's like, "All right, I'll see
you tomorrow." And he takes off.

977
01:04:52,688 --> 01:04:56,385
I look at Stephanie, I was like,
"Can we go outside?"

978
01:04:56,559 --> 01:05:00,120
I was like, "I can't do this!
I don't know what he wants!

979
01:05:00,296 --> 01:05:04,096
I can't change the world.
I'm not a documentarian.

980
01:05:04,267 --> 01:05:07,361
Did you see the movies I make?
I don't make documentaries.

981
01:05:07,536 --> 01:05:11,302
Documentaries are made by people
who come up with the idea...

982
01:05:11,474 --> 01:05:15,501
...and see it through, shoot it
themselves and interview people...

983
01:05:15,678 --> 01:05:18,112
...because it's something
personal to them.

984
01:05:18,281 --> 01:05:22,547
He's very personal and passionate
about these issues. I'm not.

985
01:05:22,718 --> 01:05:26,984
Chaka mad. I'm sorry, but there's
nothing I can do about that."

986
01:05:27,156 --> 01:05:31,388
She's like, "Calm down."
And she's like, "What can you do?"

987
01:05:31,560 --> 01:05:34,358
I said, "If Prince wants
a movie about...

988
01:05:34,530 --> 01:05:38,057
...a couple guys hanging
around a mall...

989
01:05:38,234 --> 01:05:41,601
...like, I'm your guy,
but I can't make a documentary."

990
01:05:41,771 --> 01:05:44,831
She's like, "But he really
wants you to do it."

991
01:05:45,007 --> 01:05:50,104
And I was like, "I don't understand.
I'm not cut out for this kind of thing.

992
01:05:50,279 --> 01:05:54,181
Can you explain it to him?
Just go in there and tell him.

993
01:05:54,350 --> 01:05:58,286
I'll go back to Los Angeles
and tell him no harm, no foul."

994
01:05:58,454 --> 01:06:02,652
She's like, "Kevin, let me explain
something to you about Prince.

995
01:06:02,825 --> 01:06:07,194
I've been working with Prince for many
years and I can't go tell him...

996
01:06:07,363 --> 01:06:10,526
...that you can't shoot
this documentary."

997
01:06:10,700 --> 01:06:16,764
She's like, "Prince doesn't comprehend
things the way you and I do."

998
01:06:16,939 --> 01:06:20,500
I was like, "What do you mean?"
She was like, "Well...

999
01:06:20,676 --> 01:06:25,409
...Prince has been living in Prince
World for quite some time now."

1000
01:06:26,983 --> 01:06:32,717
She's like, "So Prince will come to us
periodically and say things like:

1001
01:06:32,888 --> 01:06:38,554
'lt's 3 in the morning in
Minnesota. I really need a camel.

1002
01:06:40,396 --> 01:06:41,920
Go get it. '

1003
01:06:42,098 --> 01:06:44,931
And then we try
to explain to Prince, like:

1004
01:06:45,101 --> 01:06:51,006
'Prince, it's 3:00 in the morning
in Minnesota, it's January...

1005
01:06:51,173 --> 01:06:52,936
...and you want a camel.

1006
01:06:53,109 --> 01:06:58,706
That is not physically
or psychologically possible. '

1007
01:07:00,016 --> 01:07:02,746
And Prince says, 'Why?"'

1008
01:07:02,918 --> 01:07:04,943
I'm like, "Is he an asshole?"

1009
01:07:05,121 --> 01:07:07,351
She's like, "He's not malicious
when he does it.

1010
01:07:07,523 --> 01:07:11,391
He just doesn't understand
why he can't get what he wants.

1011
01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:14,586
He doesn't understand why someone
can't process a request...

1012
01:07:14,764 --> 01:07:18,291
...like a camel at 3
in the morning in Minnesota."

1013
01:07:18,734 --> 01:07:21,100
I was like, "That's not my problem.

1014
01:07:21,270 --> 01:07:24,831
I can't do what he wants.
I don't know what to do."

1015
01:07:25,007 --> 01:07:28,943
She said, "You'd be doing me
a huge favor if you tell him that."

1016
01:07:29,111 --> 01:07:31,545
I was like, "All right, I'll tell him.

1017
01:07:31,714 --> 01:07:35,013
Somebody's got to deal with him.
He'll understand."

1018
01:07:35,184 --> 01:07:39,348
So I go in there and he's on-stage
and then he comes back down.

1019
01:07:39,522 --> 01:07:44,687
He's like, "What's the matter?" I was
like, "How do you want to shoot this?"

1020
01:07:45,528 --> 01:07:47,655
He's like, "Whatever you want."

1021
01:07:47,830 --> 01:07:51,163
I said, "I don't know
if I can shoot this thing.

1022
01:07:51,333 --> 01:07:54,325
Since it's a documentary,
it should come from you.

1023
01:07:54,503 --> 01:07:56,971
I'd be kind of a third wheel.

1024
01:07:57,139 --> 01:08:00,506
It's, like, you've got the crew
and you have the idea...

1025
01:08:00,676 --> 01:08:03,668
...and I'd basically be there,
what, to do what?

1026
01:08:03,846 --> 01:08:06,041
There's nothing for me to do."

1027
01:08:06,215 --> 01:08:09,184
He said, "I need you
to be my representation.

1028
01:08:09,351 --> 01:08:12,149
You have to go and
communicate my message."

1029
01:08:16,058 --> 01:08:19,721
I said, "If you want me
to communicate 'Let's Go Crazy. '

1030
01:08:20,329 --> 01:08:23,890
Let's get nuts.
Like, let's slip on a purple banana...

1031
01:08:24,066 --> 01:08:27,297
...till they put us in the truck.
I can do that.

1032
01:08:27,470 --> 01:08:30,200
I've listened to that album.
If you want me...

1033
01:08:30,372 --> 01:08:33,705
...to start talking about Jesus,
I did that.

1034
01:08:33,876 --> 01:08:39,371
I got a lot of death threats. So I'm
not too keen to go in there and do it."

1035
01:08:39,548 --> 01:08:43,245
He's like, "You'll do a great job."
Walks away.

1036
01:08:43,419 --> 01:08:48,482
I'm like, "Oh, my God. I don't know
how to make a fucking documentary."

1037
01:08:48,657 --> 01:08:52,787
So I go in the next day,
and we're shooting in the atrium.

1038
01:08:52,962 --> 01:08:54,862
Everybody sits down and shit.

1039
01:08:55,030 --> 01:08:58,989
They're listening to albums
in other rooms in Paisley Park.

1040
01:08:59,168 --> 01:09:01,261
They bring them into the atrium...

1041
01:09:01,437 --> 01:09:05,601
...with the high ceilings, and there's
a cage with doves in it.

1042
01:09:05,774 --> 01:09:11,303
You're sitting there listening to what
it sounds like when fucking doves cry.

1043
01:09:11,914 --> 01:09:17,284
'Cause they won't shut up. People are
coming in, and I'm standing there...

1044
01:09:17,453 --> 01:09:21,549
...with two guys with cameras
and their Nagra equipment.

1045
01:09:21,724 --> 01:09:25,990
And I'd say about 20% of them,
as they walk in, are like:

1046
01:09:27,963 --> 01:09:30,124
"It's Silent Bob."

1047
01:09:31,567 --> 01:09:34,502
I was the last person
they expected to see.

1048
01:09:34,670 --> 01:09:38,106
Like, "What the fuck
is Silent Bob doing here?

1049
01:09:38,274 --> 01:09:42,074
Is he a fan? What's with the cameras?
What's going on?"

1050
01:09:42,244 --> 01:09:45,441
I'm like, "I don't even know
what's going on!"

1051
01:09:45,614 --> 01:09:49,243
So I'm like, "We'll talk
about what you've just heard."

1052
01:09:49,418 --> 01:09:52,353
I don't introduce myself.

1053
01:09:52,521 --> 01:09:55,684
I said, "We'll talk about
what you just listened to...

1054
01:09:55,858 --> 01:09:58,986
...and see where the topic
takes us." We start talking.

1055
01:09:59,161 --> 01:10:02,790
Everybody wants to talk about religion,
the album's theme.

1056
01:10:02,965 --> 01:10:06,332
It's kind of one story
throughout the whole album.

1057
01:10:06,502 --> 01:10:10,199
Heavily steeped in faith
and spirituality.

1058
01:10:10,372 --> 01:10:13,239
So people start getting up in arms.

1059
01:10:13,409 --> 01:10:18,312
Some people said, "It's his best work.
It's the promise he showed on Lovesexy.

1060
01:10:18,480 --> 01:10:20,414
It's the next level for Prince.

1061
01:10:20,583 --> 01:10:24,815
I love all the three to four minute hits,
but this is tremendous."

1062
01:10:24,987 --> 01:10:29,253
Other people were going,
"We know Prince is a Jehovah's Witness."

1063
01:10:29,425 --> 01:10:33,156
I'm sitting there going,
"Prince is a Jehovah's Witness?

1064
01:10:33,329 --> 01:10:35,889
Since when? Now?

1065
01:10:36,599 --> 01:10:40,399
Because he didn't try
to sell me a Watchtower once."

1066
01:10:44,673 --> 01:10:48,302
So he's going,
"I printed up a bunch of facts...

1067
01:10:48,477 --> 01:10:53,210
...about Jehovah's Witness that Prince
should read. It's important stuff.

1068
01:10:53,382 --> 01:10:56,044
He should know
that he's being bilked."

1069
01:10:56,218 --> 01:10:59,449
I'm like, "What else
is everyone thinking?"

1070
01:10:59,622 --> 01:11:04,582
I'm trying to lead the discussion, but
everyone wants to talk about religion.

1071
01:11:04,760 --> 01:11:08,662
Some are incensed because it's
a literal translation of the Bible...

1072
01:11:08,831 --> 01:11:14,770
...which means that the order of things
is God, man, women, children, animals.

1073
01:11:14,937 --> 01:11:19,169
Some women were like, "I don't
go in for this man, woman shit.

1074
01:11:19,341 --> 01:11:22,037
I don't want to be led by any man."

1075
01:11:22,211 --> 01:11:24,679
I'm trying to control the fires.

1076
01:11:24,847 --> 01:11:27,372
Somebody comes up
behind me and says...

1077
01:11:27,549 --> 01:11:32,077
...whispers in my ear, "Prince wants
you to stop talking about religion."

1078
01:11:32,254 --> 01:11:37,123
I'm like, "What do you mean Prince wants
me to stop talking about religion?

1079
01:11:37,293 --> 01:11:41,457
That's what they want. Where is he?"
They're like, "He's not here."

1080
01:11:41,630 --> 01:11:44,793
I said, "How does he know
I'm talking about religion?"

1081
01:11:44,967 --> 01:11:49,597
She's like, "He'd just...
He'd prefer if you stop. He knows."

1082
01:11:52,708 --> 01:11:55,233
I said, "How am I supposed
to change topic?

1083
01:11:55,411 --> 01:11:58,938
Be like, 'Hey, who likes pie? '
you know, instead of...

1084
01:12:00,449 --> 01:12:03,179
They listened to an album
about religion.

1085
01:12:03,352 --> 01:12:07,083
What can I tell you?
If he wants it to not be about...

1086
01:12:07,256 -->