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1
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SUSAN: And that's the news.

2
00:01:08,982 --> 00:01:13,976
But before we sign off, we'd like
to congratulate our very own Evan Baxter,

3
00:01:14,054 --> 00:01:17,854
who has just been elected
Buffalo's representative to Congress.

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00:01:17,924 --> 00:01:19,255
And, now, we have a surprise for Evan.

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No, you don't.
We do.

6
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Oh, no. I really didn't expect this.

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Here's a look back at his run for office.

8
00:01:26,566 --> 00:01:27,965
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

9
00:01:28,802 --> 00:01:29,962
What are we gonna do?

10
00:01:30,036 --> 00:01:31,469
ALL: Change the world!

11
00:01:31,538 --> 00:01:32,562
That's right!

12
00:01:33,273 --> 00:01:34,763
(ALL CHEERING)

13
00:01:39,846 --> 00:01:41,871
ALL: Baxter! Baxter! Baxter!

14
00:01:48,822 --> 00:01:49,846
Hi.

15
00:01:49,923 --> 00:01:51,288
ALL: Baxter! Baxter!

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That's right!

17
00:01:55,061 --> 00:01:56,050
(CLEARING THROAT)

18
00:01:57,297 --> 00:02:01,529
I feel like that old Indian
in front of all the garbage.

19
00:02:03,003 --> 00:02:07,997
So, for the last time, this is Evan Baxter
for Eyewitness News. Good night.

20
00:02:08,775 --> 00:02:11,369
(HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN PLAYING)

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00:02:24,591 --> 00:02:27,822
GPS: Huntsville, Virginia.
Prestige Crest, four miles.

22
00:02:27,894 --> 00:02:29,418
What did we do before GPS?

23
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Nothing.

24
00:02:30,597 --> 00:02:32,792
Guys, Dad's very proud of his new car.

25
00:02:32,866 --> 00:02:37,496
Hey, I am proud of my new car.
Look, I'm a politician now.

26
00:02:37,571 --> 00:02:40,472
I'm in the public eye, and as you know,
when you are in the public eye,

27
00:02:40,540 --> 00:02:42,201
image is everything, isn't it?

28
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EVAN: Here it is! Welcome to the good life.

29
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Hey, guys, why the long faces?
We're off on a new adventure!

30
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It's just we're going to miss our friends.

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You'll make new friends, better friends.

32
00:02:58,658 --> 00:02:59,852
Yeah, richer friends.

33
00:02:59,926 --> 00:03:03,760
Do not mouth off to me, sir.
I am the boss of you.

34
00:03:03,830 --> 00:03:06,424
And let me tell you something,
you guys are gonna love this place.

35
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,163
And you know what? I think there's
something for our fishermen up there.

36
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EVAN: Baxter family,
this is what's called a scenic vista.

37
00:03:14,508 --> 00:03:18,342
And I don't think the big man himself
could do a better job. Pretty cool, huh?

38
00:03:18,445 --> 00:03:20,242
Hey, Dad, an iguana can stay underwater
for 28 minutes.

39
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What's that?

40
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And a shrimp's heart is in its head.
Really?

41
00:03:23,283 --> 00:03:25,513
Okay, someone's had enough Animal Planet
for one lifetime.

42
00:03:25,585 --> 00:03:27,519
Yeah, let's head out! Come on.
The best is yet to come!

43
00:03:29,289 --> 00:03:32,053
EVAN: Gentlemen, I have saved
the best for last.

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Look over to the right.
That is your new home.

45
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RYAN: Whoa!

46
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JORDAN: That's our house?

47
00:03:44,304 --> 00:03:46,363
Uh-huh.
JOAN: I don't remember it being
this big in the brochure.

48
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Was it this big in the brochure?

49
00:03:47,807 --> 00:03:49,069
EVAN: Pretty amazing, isn't it?

50
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There they are!

51
00:03:52,279 --> 00:03:54,372
Is this curb appeal or what?

52
00:03:54,447 --> 00:03:55,971
Here we go!

53
00:03:56,049 --> 00:03:57,573
Honey, I think you're blocking my photo.

54
00:03:57,651 --> 00:03:58,675
Sorry.

55
00:03:58,752 --> 00:04:00,720
All right, everybody! Say "escrow"!

56
00:04:00,787 --> 00:04:02,652
ALL: Escrow!

57
00:04:03,857 --> 00:04:06,485
RYAN: Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Go. Go. Go.

58
00:04:07,093 --> 00:04:09,027
EVAN: Guys, easy.

59
00:04:09,429 --> 00:04:10,919
(CHILDREN EXCLAIMING)

60
00:04:11,531 --> 00:04:12,657
This is our house?

61
00:04:12,732 --> 00:04:13,721
Uh-huh.

62
00:04:14,601 --> 00:04:15,795
MAN: Careful!

63
00:04:15,869 --> 00:04:17,734
JOAN: Honey, be careful!
EVAN: Watch it!

64
00:04:17,804 --> 00:04:18,964
Are you kidding me?

65
00:04:19,039 --> 00:04:20,267
Mom, can we go upstairs?
JOAN: Yep.

66
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:21,739
And I get my own room, right?
Yep.

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00:04:21,808 --> 00:04:23,207
(YELLING EXCITEDLY)

68
00:04:23,276 --> 00:04:25,836
Mr. Baxter, could you give us some
direction on these kitchen cabinets?

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Sure.

70
00:04:26,980 --> 00:04:31,542
Okay, it's between your maple
and your old-growth Brazilian cherry.

71
00:04:31,618 --> 00:04:33,483
That is nice! Which is best?

72
00:04:33,553 --> 00:04:36,613
Well, if you're not sensitive
to that "save the rainforest" stuff,

73
00:04:36,690 --> 00:04:38,180
you can't beat the Brazilian cherry.

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00:04:38,258 --> 00:04:39,384
It's 200, 300 years old.

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Three hundred years.
Three hundred.

76
00:04:41,061 --> 00:04:42,585
Wow. That is old.

77
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And now you are going to hold my dishes.

78
00:04:45,031 --> 00:04:46,760
That's right. You going with the cherry?
Cheery cherry!

79
00:04:46,833 --> 00:04:48,300
Yeah. Definitely.
He's going with the cherry!

80
00:04:49,569 --> 00:04:50,627
RYAN: Dad, look!

81
00:04:50,704 --> 00:04:52,001
No, no, no!

82
00:04:52,072 --> 00:04:54,540
Ryan, do not touch him, please!

83
00:04:54,608 --> 00:04:56,166
Oh, no, no, no, no, get him away!

84
00:04:56,242 --> 00:04:58,506
No. He might have lice, fleas,
maggots or something.

85
00:04:58,578 --> 00:05:01,342
You do not play with stray dogs
because they are very...

86
00:05:01,414 --> 00:05:03,746
No, no! Get away, get away! Go!

87
00:05:04,384 --> 00:05:05,908
Okay. Oh, no, no, no.

88
00:05:05,986 --> 00:05:07,419
He's thirsty.
No, no, no.

89
00:05:07,487 --> 00:05:10,388
No, you don't! There we go.

90
00:05:10,457 --> 00:05:12,084
Well, Ryan, he's a stray.

91
00:05:12,158 --> 00:05:13,625
If we give him water,
he's just going to come back.

92
00:05:13,693 --> 00:05:17,220
Come on, Dad, why can't we keep him?
I mean, we've got a new house.

93
00:05:17,297 --> 00:05:19,265
Okay, Ryan, this is why we can't keep him.

94
00:05:19,332 --> 00:05:21,926
They are stinky. They are smelly.
They get hair all over the place.

95
00:05:22,002 --> 00:05:23,230
They get a little thing called the mange.

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00:05:23,303 --> 00:05:26,329
In a nutshell, he is disgusting.
Case in point.

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00:05:26,873 --> 00:05:28,704
(BOTH GIGGLING)

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EVAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
this concludes day one

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of the Baxters' new and exciting life.

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I have to do the new house dance.

101
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Wow! That dance?

102
00:05:41,221 --> 00:05:42,779
Mmm-hmm.
That's a good new house dance.

103
00:05:42,856 --> 00:05:44,084
Thank you.

104
00:05:44,157 --> 00:05:46,352
You know, those boys were having
so much fun tonight,

105
00:05:46,426 --> 00:05:48,394
I thought I would never get them to bed.

106
00:05:48,461 --> 00:05:53,125
And then Ryan did the cutest thing.
He asked if we could all pray together.

107
00:05:53,633 --> 00:05:56,193
Really? What did you pray about?

108
00:05:56,269 --> 00:05:58,362
He met a dog. What do you think
he prayed for?

109
00:05:58,438 --> 00:06:00,303
(EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)

110
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Just a walking petri dish, that dog.

111
00:06:03,209 --> 00:06:05,404
And Jordan was very precise.

112
00:06:05,478 --> 00:06:09,278
He prayed for good visibility, good weather
on the hiking trip tomorrow.

113
00:06:09,349 --> 00:06:12,614
The hiking trip? Oh, right. Yeah.
The hiking trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

114
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You wanna know what I prayed for?

115
00:06:14,654 --> 00:06:16,554
Yeah. What did you pray for?

116
00:06:16,623 --> 00:06:19,717
I prayed we would become closer
as a family.

117
00:06:20,894 --> 00:06:25,388
Honey, you don't need to pray for that
to happen. I will make that happen.

118
00:06:25,465 --> 00:06:26,454
(SIGHING)

119
00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:28,595
What would you pray for?

120
00:06:28,668 --> 00:06:31,228
Me? I don't know. Praying just...

121
00:06:32,005 --> 00:06:33,063
(SIGHING)

122
00:06:33,139 --> 00:06:36,973
Honey, you're the one who said
you wanted to change the world.

123
00:06:37,444 --> 00:06:39,378
It's a pretty big job.

124
00:06:39,679 --> 00:06:41,909
If it were me,
I would take all the help I could get.

125
00:06:44,984 --> 00:06:47,418
(CROWD CHEERING)

126
00:06:47,487 --> 00:06:50,615
WOMAN O VER TV: Former Buffalo News
anchor, Evan Baxter, takes office tomorrow

127
00:06:50,690 --> 00:06:53,022
to make good on a lofty campaign promise.

128
00:06:53,093 --> 00:06:54,253
What are we going to do?

129
00:06:54,327 --> 00:06:55,589
ALL: Change the world!

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00:06:55,662 --> 00:06:59,120
WOMAN O VER TV: Good luck, Congressman.
Many have tried, many have failed.

131
00:06:59,199 --> 00:07:00,393
Hello!

132
00:07:00,467 --> 00:07:02,367
This is Regina Sparks reporting for...

133
00:07:05,705 --> 00:07:07,263
(SIGHING)

134
00:07:18,685 --> 00:07:19,709
(CLEARING THROAT)

135
00:07:19,786 --> 00:07:21,617
Hello, there. Hi.

136
00:07:22,722 --> 00:07:25,054
This is Evan Baxter.

137
00:07:26,626 --> 00:07:29,094
Just wanted to say thank you for everything.

138
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Thank you for the new car and for the house.

139
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The house is great. I love it.

140
00:07:36,669 --> 00:07:41,402
I mean, I picked it out,
but you created matter and everything, so...

141
00:07:44,611 --> 00:07:48,411
I just wanted to say that I think
Joan makes a good point,

142
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and that I am now in a position
of great power,

143
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and I know that with great power
comes great responsibility.

144
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So, God,

145
00:08:01,327 --> 00:08:02,316
(CLEARING THROAT)

146
00:08:05,098 --> 00:08:07,532
please help me change the world.

147
00:08:09,469 --> 00:08:12,302
Okay. That's it. I'm hanging up now.

148
00:08:13,239 --> 00:08:15,707
God bless... Well, you. Okay.

149
00:08:31,958 --> 00:08:33,687
(ALARM RINGING)

150
00:08:38,698 --> 00:08:40,825
What? That's weird.

151
00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:41,958
What?

152
00:08:42,035 --> 00:08:43,627
I set the alarm for 7:00.

153
00:08:47,140 --> 00:08:48,129
(MOTOR WHIRRING)

154
00:08:50,276 --> 00:08:52,335
(GRUNTING)

155
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:54,669
(SNEEZING)

156
00:08:54,747 --> 00:08:56,339
(GRUNTING)

157
00:09:17,837 --> 00:09:19,828
I am successful. I am powerful.
I am handsome.

158
00:09:19,906 --> 00:09:22,568
I am happy, successful,
powerful, handsome, happy.

159
00:09:23,676 --> 00:09:28,978
All right, everyone, wish me luck.
The Congressman has left the building.

160
00:09:29,048 --> 00:09:33,849
All right, Baxter brood, I will see you
later on this afternoon for the big hike. Yes?

161
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,114
EVAN: You psyched? Are you ready?

162
00:09:35,188 --> 00:09:36,212
ALL: Yeah.

163
00:09:36,289 --> 00:09:37,551
Bye. See you.
Good luck, honey.

164
00:09:37,624 --> 00:09:38,784
Bye, guys!
See you later.

165
00:09:38,858 --> 00:09:39,847
Later, gator.

166
00:09:40,827 --> 00:09:41,816
(EXCLAIMING)

167
00:09:41,895 --> 00:09:43,192
Oh, gosh.

168
00:09:43,263 --> 00:09:45,993
Wow. Honey, did you order anything?

169
00:09:46,566 --> 00:09:48,500
"Alpha and Omega Hardware"?

170
00:09:48,568 --> 00:09:49,557
JOAN: Never heard of them.

171
00:09:49,636 --> 00:09:50,796
Me either.

172
00:09:51,537 --> 00:09:53,232
What do we have?

173
00:09:53,573 --> 00:09:54,597
(GASPING)

174
00:09:54,674 --> 00:09:56,164
What is this stuff?

175
00:09:57,777 --> 00:09:59,301
Must have the wrong address.

176
00:09:59,812 --> 00:10:02,076
Yup. The wrong address.

177
00:10:04,817 --> 00:10:06,785
WOMAN: Congressman Baxter.
Good morning.
Good morning.

178
00:10:06,853 --> 00:10:08,343
MAN 1: Good morning,
Congressman Baxter.
Hello.

179
00:10:08,421 --> 00:10:10,855
MAN 2: Good morning,
Congressman Baxter.
Good morning.

180
00:10:10,924 --> 00:10:13,916
Oh, this is so cool.

181
00:10:16,029 --> 00:10:17,053
Uh-huh.

182
00:10:17,130 --> 00:10:18,927
Yeah. This'll work.

183
00:10:18,998 --> 00:10:22,957
There he is! The head honcho.
The big kahuna.

184
00:10:23,036 --> 00:10:24,970
Rita, I think I have to do the dance.

185
00:10:25,038 --> 00:10:26,198
Do the dance.

186
00:10:26,272 --> 00:10:27,671
(GRUNTING)

187
00:10:29,842 --> 00:10:31,104
That's enough of the dance.

188
00:10:31,177 --> 00:10:33,338
Oh, this is nice! This is really nice!

189
00:10:33,413 --> 00:10:36,041
This is too nice.
There's something crooked going on.

190
00:10:36,115 --> 00:10:37,343
Do you smell anthrax?

191
00:10:37,417 --> 00:10:39,317
Congressman!
Hey, Marty!

192
00:10:39,385 --> 00:10:40,818
Nice sound to that.
I like it.

193
00:10:40,887 --> 00:10:41,876
Here they are!

194
00:10:41,955 --> 00:10:42,944
(ALL CHEERING)

195
00:10:43,089 --> 00:10:44,113
All right.

196
00:10:44,190 --> 00:10:45,953
You remember Sarah, Allen, Michael.

197
00:10:46,025 --> 00:10:48,721
I don't think you know the new kid
Eugene Tennanbaum. I found him at G.W.

198
00:10:48,795 --> 00:10:51,923
Sort of a walking search engine. Watch this.
How many stars on the flag in 1818?

199
00:10:51,998 --> 00:10:52,987
15.

200
00:10:53,066 --> 00:10:55,000
And Congressman Baxter's coffee habits?

201
00:10:55,068 --> 00:10:58,128
He likes a morning latte with a cruller,
a decaf espresso after lunch,

202
00:10:58,204 --> 00:10:59,831
served sans pastry of any kind.

203
00:10:59,906 --> 00:11:02,568
Very impressive. A little freaky,
but I like this kid.

204
00:11:02,842 --> 00:11:04,241
(LAUGHING) I love you.

205
00:11:05,211 --> 00:11:06,200
Hmm?

206
00:11:06,746 --> 00:11:10,204
I mean, we should hang out socially.
I just got a ping-pong table.

207
00:11:10,283 --> 00:11:11,807
Not going to happen.

208
00:11:11,884 --> 00:11:15,149
Go find out where his license plates are.
Everybody else, back to your holes.

209
00:11:15,221 --> 00:11:16,245
EUGENE: He was actually right.

210
00:11:16,322 --> 00:11:18,119
I'm doing a background check on that kid.

211
00:11:18,324 --> 00:11:22,886
Ta-da! This, my friend, is a power office,
to remind you of the mission!

212
00:11:22,962 --> 00:11:24,395
BOTH: "Change the world!"

213
00:11:24,464 --> 00:11:26,193
Okay, Evan, who do you know?
What do you mean?

214
00:11:26,265 --> 00:11:28,256
Oh, come on.
Yesterday we're in the basement.

215
00:11:28,334 --> 00:11:30,165
Today, look at this place.
It's like the Emerald City!

216
00:11:30,236 --> 00:11:33,501
"Enjoy your office.
Your neighbor, Congressman Long."

217
00:11:33,573 --> 00:11:35,871
Congressman Long did this?
Did you say "neighbor"?

218
00:11:35,942 --> 00:11:38,740
That's right. He lives in Prestige Crest,
right up the street.

219
00:11:38,811 --> 00:11:42,645
Evan, you got to tell me these things.
Think of the publicity angle on this!

220
00:11:42,715 --> 00:11:45,115
You and Congressman Long
having a barbecue.

221
00:11:45,184 --> 00:11:47,118
Congressman Long eating your hot dog.

222
00:11:47,186 --> 00:11:48,847
RITA: Hate to break up
your little weenie roast.

223
00:11:48,921 --> 00:11:51,583
Congressman Long's assistant
just dropped this off.

224
00:11:51,657 --> 00:11:53,056
The Congressman would like for you

225
00:11:53,126 --> 00:11:55,356
to junior cosponsor this bill
that he's introducing.

226
00:11:55,428 --> 00:11:59,728
Hold on. Congressman Long asked us to
junior cosponsor his bill? What's the bill?

227
00:11:59,799 --> 00:12:02,393
The Citizens' Integration of Public Lands Act.

228
00:12:02,468 --> 00:12:05,733
Never heard of it. Gene, here, now.
Rita, why didn't you tell me about this?

229
00:12:05,805 --> 00:12:06,897
I just did.

230
00:12:06,973 --> 00:12:08,668
You need to tell me about it
before I need to know about it.

231
00:12:08,741 --> 00:12:10,868
Marty, you are not the vice congressman.
I am the legislative...

232
00:12:10,943 --> 00:12:14,709
Nobody voted for you. If Evan gets shot
in the head, you do not automatically...

233
00:12:14,781 --> 00:12:16,681
If Evan got shot in the head,
you're the first suspect.

234
00:12:16,749 --> 00:12:17,807
Play nice. Play nice.

235
00:12:17,884 --> 00:12:19,977
All right, Eugene, Congressman Long's bill.
What is it?

236
00:12:20,053 --> 00:12:23,079
HR7124, better known as CINPLAN.

237
00:12:23,156 --> 00:12:25,818
The bill would open up fringe areas
of the national parks for development.

238
00:12:25,892 --> 00:12:27,257
Long's been sitting on it for ages...

239
00:12:27,326 --> 00:12:29,385
Got it. Pause. Come on, Evan, this is huge.

240
00:12:29,462 --> 00:12:30,895
You hitch your wagon to the right star,

241
00:12:30,963 --> 00:12:33,193
you could ride all the way down
to Pennsylvania Avenue.

242
00:12:33,266 --> 00:12:34,665
This is day one.

243
00:12:34,734 --> 00:12:36,895
You got your name on a major piece
of legislation!

244
00:12:36,969 --> 00:12:39,904
Oh, and another thing,
he wants you to read it today.

245
00:12:39,972 --> 00:12:41,599
Well, I can't do it today.

246
00:12:41,674 --> 00:12:42,834
I promised my kids...
Eugene.

247
00:12:42,909 --> 00:12:44,809
Well, sir, there's a time clock on the bill.

248
00:12:44,877 --> 00:12:46,970
If Congressman Long wants to
pass it this quarter,

249
00:12:47,046 --> 00:12:49,173
he's going to have to introduce it
to the committee immediately.

250
00:12:49,248 --> 00:12:51,842
I'm personally going with whatever
Congressman Baxter decides,

251
00:12:51,918 --> 00:12:54,819
because if I could be like one man,
it'd be him.

252
00:12:54,887 --> 00:12:56,218
Either him or Kareem.

253
00:12:56,289 --> 00:12:57,381
Can I tase him?

254
00:12:57,457 --> 00:12:58,549
Gene! Heel!

255
00:12:58,624 --> 00:13:00,057
lt'd probably be you.

256
00:13:00,126 --> 00:13:03,823
Come on, Evan, this is it!
This is why we came here!

257
00:13:03,896 --> 00:13:05,830
It's world-changing time!

258
00:13:06,099 --> 00:13:07,930
(EXCLAIMING)

259
00:13:08,734 --> 00:13:09,996
Hey, anybody home?

260
00:13:10,069 --> 00:13:11,400
Come on. We're in here!

261
00:13:11,471 --> 00:13:13,200
Hey, guys.

262
00:13:13,272 --> 00:13:17,072
Dad, guess what? I got all your stuff
packed up so that we can...

263
00:13:18,444 --> 00:13:19,536
What's wrong?

264
00:13:20,780 --> 00:13:22,145
We're not going, are we?

265
00:13:22,215 --> 00:13:27,084
First things first.
I have been asked to junior cosponsor a bill.

266
00:13:27,820 --> 00:13:28,844
Yeah.

267
00:13:28,921 --> 00:13:31,355
See? I told you. And you owe me five bucks.

268
00:13:31,424 --> 00:13:32,857
Whoa, whoa, guys.

269
00:13:32,925 --> 00:13:35,758
Hey. Hey, we said we would
have to make sacrifices, right?

270
00:13:35,828 --> 00:13:38,160
DYLAN: Yeah. Whatever.
New house, same old dad.

271
00:13:38,231 --> 00:13:40,222
Hey, I'm the one who has to read this thing!

272
00:13:40,299 --> 00:13:44,668
Hey. Did you hear?
Junior cosponsor of a bill.

273
00:13:46,472 --> 00:13:50,670
Okay, Ry, let's clean all this stuff up.
Dad's got work to do.

274
00:14:06,759 --> 00:14:07,817
(ALARM RINGING)

275
00:14:07,894 --> 00:14:10,260
No. It's 6:14.

276
00:14:10,329 --> 00:14:14,197
Of course. Voodoo clock speaks again.

277
00:14:21,707 --> 00:14:22,799
What the...

278
00:14:23,843 --> 00:14:28,177
Hey! Hey! Hey! No. Okay.

279
00:14:28,247 --> 00:14:31,216
Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa! What's going on?

280
00:14:31,284 --> 00:14:33,582
I got a delivery for Evan Baxter!

281
00:14:33,653 --> 00:14:35,484
Yeah, that's not mine. I didn't order that!

282
00:14:35,555 --> 00:14:39,286
I just deliver, guy, huh?
You got a complaint, call the number!

283
00:14:39,358 --> 00:14:43,351
No! Hey! Listen! We are 416, not 614!

284
00:14:43,429 --> 00:14:47,763
You've got the wrong house!
You can't leave that there!

285
00:14:47,833 --> 00:14:50,301
Listen! Listen!

286
00:14:50,369 --> 00:14:52,496
That's going to leave a brown patch!

287
00:14:53,372 --> 00:14:55,397
I am a U.S. congressman!

288
00:14:55,975 --> 00:14:58,170
(MAN CHATTERING ON TV)

289
00:15:04,584 --> 00:15:06,176
(PHONE RINGING)

290
00:15:07,853 --> 00:15:09,286
Dad, what are you doing? I'm watching this.

291
00:15:09,522 --> 00:15:11,012
Genesis 6:14.

292
00:15:14,994 --> 00:15:16,427
Gen 6:14.

293
00:15:17,029 --> 00:15:18,860
Joan! Do we have a Bible anywhere?

294
00:15:27,740 --> 00:15:29,207
Genesis 6:14.

295
00:15:29,275 --> 00:15:31,766
"Make thee an ark of gopherwood..."

296
00:15:32,411 --> 00:15:33,742
Gopherwood.

297
00:15:46,892 --> 00:15:48,826
GOD: "Go-four-wood." Get it?

298
00:15:52,732 --> 00:15:56,293
Well, it's not really gopherwood.
I just like the wordplay.

299
00:15:56,369 --> 00:15:57,734
No, it's pine and maple.

300
00:15:57,803 --> 00:16:01,295
It was clear-cut from this valley
to make room for all those houses.

301
00:16:01,374 --> 00:16:03,069
Excuse me. Do I know you?

302
00:16:03,142 --> 00:16:04,666
Not as well as I'd like.

303
00:16:06,579 --> 00:16:09,047
I see you got my housewarming gift.

304
00:16:09,115 --> 00:16:11,640
That was you? You sent those?

305
00:16:11,717 --> 00:16:14,311
What are they for? Hey! Hey.

306
00:16:14,387 --> 00:16:16,981
Genesis, chapter six, verse fourteen.

307
00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:19,051
I want you to build an ark.

308
00:16:19,125 --> 00:16:21,423
You want me to build an ark.

309
00:16:21,494 --> 00:16:22,688
Yes.

310
00:16:22,762 --> 00:16:27,859
So that's why the tools.
And you are responsible for the wood?

311
00:16:28,834 --> 00:16:30,927
All right. Well, let's just start over.

312
00:16:31,370 --> 00:16:32,394
(CLEARING THROAT)

313
00:16:32,471 --> 00:16:34,098
Hello, I am Evan...

314
00:16:34,173 --> 00:16:37,734
Evan Baxter. Born June 15, 1962.

315
00:16:37,810 --> 00:16:39,277
Eight pounds, 11 ounces.

316
00:16:39,345 --> 00:16:42,781
Mother's Carroll Ann Parker.
Father, Eugene Evan Baxter.

317
00:16:42,848 --> 00:16:43,906
(EXCLAIMING)

318
00:16:43,983 --> 00:16:46,747
You have internet access. Very impressive.
Do you also have cable?

319
00:16:46,819 --> 00:16:50,255
You're a clean freak. You care much
too much about your outward appearance.

320
00:16:50,323 --> 00:16:52,917
Your left nipple is a quarter inch higher
than your right nipple.

321
00:16:52,992 --> 00:16:56,018
And when you were a little boy,
you were afraid of Gumby.

322
00:16:57,530 --> 00:16:58,588
Who are you?

323
00:16:59,932 --> 00:17:01,126
I'm God.

324
00:17:01,634 --> 00:17:02,794
You're God?

325
00:17:02,868 --> 00:17:08,135
Yes. And I want you, Evan Baxter,
to build an ark.

326
00:17:09,241 --> 00:17:14,269
Okay. You know what? This conversation
is a little thing I like to call over!

327
00:17:14,347 --> 00:17:19,216
But I got to get going,
because, frankly, I have an ark to build.

328
00:17:19,285 --> 00:17:23,346
Busy, busy, busy, busy. Nice meeting you.
Take care. Oh, and...

329
00:17:28,027 --> 00:17:30,052
All right, see you later!

330
00:17:32,565 --> 00:17:35,864
Shake it off, Evan. It's over.
The nutcase is gone.

331
00:17:35,935 --> 00:17:39,098
I am successful, I'm powerful,
I'm handsome, I'm happy.

332
00:17:39,171 --> 00:17:41,435
Successful, powerful, handsome, happy.

333
00:17:41,507 --> 00:17:42,667
(SCREAMING)

334
00:17:42,742 --> 00:17:45,040
Get it out, son. It's the beginning of wisdom.

335
00:17:45,111 --> 00:17:47,204
How did you get in here?
I'm calling the cops.

336
00:17:47,279 --> 00:17:50,214
Oh, no. No need! Look! Look.
There's one right there. Right there.

337
00:17:50,483 --> 00:17:55,750
Officer! Officer! Officer! Carjacker!
Carjacker in the car! Carjacker in the car!

338
00:17:57,423 --> 00:17:58,583
(GASPING)

339
00:17:59,558 --> 00:18:02,789
Careful pulling out.
Pedestrian in the crosswalk.

340
00:18:07,066 --> 00:18:08,658
(EXCLAIMING IN DISBELIEF)

341
00:18:08,734 --> 00:18:09,723
(CAR HONKING)

342
00:18:11,804 --> 00:18:12,793
(TIRES SCREECHING)

343
00:18:13,372 --> 00:18:14,896
(STAMMERING)

344
00:18:22,381 --> 00:18:22,642
(ELEVATOR BELL RINGING)

345
00:18:33,426 --> 00:18:34,415
(EXCLAIMS)

346
00:18:34,660 --> 00:18:36,321
Shake it off, shake it off!
Shake it off, shake it off!

347
00:18:40,533 --> 00:18:41,591
Good morning, chief!

348
00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:42,656
(EXCLAIMING)

349
00:18:42,768 --> 00:18:43,894
Good morning, Rita.

350
00:18:43,969 --> 00:18:46,563
You almost scared me to death!
What's wrong with you?

351
00:18:46,639 --> 00:18:48,573
Nothing. Just sort of a weird ride in.

352
00:18:48,641 --> 00:18:49,630
Weird how?

353
00:18:49,708 --> 00:18:51,141
It was just a weird ride in.

354
00:18:51,477 --> 00:18:53,274
Okay, well, thanks for clarifying.

355
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,773
Here's your mail and your schedule.
Okay.

356
00:18:56,849 --> 00:19:00,114
And they finally fixed the phones.
My new extension is 614.

357
00:19:02,521 --> 00:19:03,579
614.

358
00:19:03,656 --> 00:19:04,918
Yeah. 614?

359
00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:06,116
Right.

360
00:19:06,892 --> 00:19:08,325
You want me to write that down?

361
00:19:09,395 --> 00:19:11,226
I'd rather you didn't.

362
00:19:12,565 --> 00:19:13,554
MARTY: Good morning.

363
00:19:13,632 --> 00:19:16,123
Hey, Long came through with that seat
on the House Resource Committee.

364
00:19:16,202 --> 00:19:18,727
You stuck in your thumb
and pulled out a plum, my friend.

365
00:19:18,804 --> 00:19:20,738
Also, the new Congressional plates
just came in.

366
00:19:20,806 --> 00:19:24,264
Gene, plates, now.
And Alex at the Buffalo office had her baby.

367
00:19:24,343 --> 00:19:26,106
Boy or girl?
A little boy. And here he is.

368
00:19:26,178 --> 00:19:29,306
Just as cute as a button. Not bad
for such an ugly woman. Weighed in at...

369
00:19:29,381 --> 00:19:31,144
Six pounds, 14 ounces.

370
00:19:31,917 --> 00:19:33,111
How'd you know that?

371
00:19:33,185 --> 00:19:34,277
Lucky guess.

372
00:19:34,353 --> 00:19:35,342
(EXCLAIMING)

373
00:19:35,421 --> 00:19:40,290
Hot, hot, hot! Hot off the press!
It's a joke. Here are your plates, sir.

374
00:19:40,459 --> 00:19:41,448
(GASPS)

375
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,687
MARTY: Those are rock-star plates, man.
You can park anywhere.

376
00:19:43,762 --> 00:19:44,820
You can't be sitting in a chair.

377
00:19:44,897 --> 00:19:46,387
You've got a committee meeting
in five minutes.

378
00:19:46,465 --> 00:19:51,402
Come on, BMIC, Big Man in Congress.
Evan Baxter, the shark on the move.

379
00:19:57,042 --> 00:19:58,634
(HAMMER POUNDING)

380
00:19:58,711 --> 00:20:00,906
MAN: House Resources Committee
is now in order.

381
00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:03,175
The Chair recognizes the congresswoman
from Tennessee

382
00:20:03,249 --> 00:20:05,717
to lead the Pledge of Allegiance.

383
00:20:05,784 --> 00:20:06,978
CONGRESSWOMAN:
I pledge allegiance to the flag...

384
00:20:07,052 --> 00:20:08,349
ALL: I pledge allegiance to the flag

385
00:20:08,420 --> 00:20:11,116
of the United States of America

386
00:20:11,190 --> 00:20:14,785
and to the Republic, for which it stands...

387
00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:16,794
...one nation, under me...
ALL: one nation, under God...

388
00:20:16,862 --> 00:20:21,060
ALL: indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all.

389
00:20:22,568 --> 00:20:25,799
How long do you want to do this, son?
I've got all eternity.

390
00:20:29,241 --> 00:20:30,538
(ALL GASPING)

391
00:20:30,609 --> 00:20:31,940
(CLAMORING)

392
00:20:34,780 --> 00:20:36,441
(WHISTLING)

393
00:20:36,515 --> 00:20:39,075
Hey. You okay, young man?

394
00:20:40,853 --> 00:20:42,115
What happened?
You fainted.

395
00:20:42,187 --> 00:20:44,018
Dropped like a leaf
during the Pledge of Allegiance.

396
00:20:44,089 --> 00:20:46,649
Chuck Long,
Resources Committee Chairman.

397
00:20:46,725 --> 00:20:50,320
Oh. Oh. Congressman Long. Yes.
Oh, I'm so sorry about...

398
00:20:50,396 --> 00:20:54,492
Forget it! Many a man's been humbled
by his first day in Congress.

399
00:20:54,567 --> 00:20:55,966
So, how'd you like that office?

400
00:20:56,035 --> 00:20:57,935
Oh, it was great. Yes. Thank you, sir.

401
00:20:58,003 --> 00:21:00,164
Not bad for a freshman dorm room, huh?

402
00:21:01,006 --> 00:21:02,200
So here's the skinny.

403
00:21:02,274 --> 00:21:04,333
I'm bringing you into my land use bill

404
00:21:04,410 --> 00:21:07,504
because you strike me as the type of guy
who knows how to hit the ground running.

405
00:21:07,580 --> 00:21:11,175
Yes, sir. I read the bill, and it's great.
I just had a few questions.

406
00:21:11,250 --> 00:21:13,377
Hey, I wrote the thing
and I have a few questions.

407
00:21:13,452 --> 00:21:16,649
We'll get to the questions later.
So, you with us?

408
00:21:16,722 --> 00:21:18,246
Yes, sir. I'm in.
Wonderful!

409
00:21:18,324 --> 00:21:20,315
I'll need you to put that into
a letter of intent,

410
00:21:20,392 --> 00:21:22,758
as soon as you're feeling up to it,
of course. You get yourself better.

411
00:21:22,828 --> 00:21:24,295
Enjoy that office.

412
00:21:24,363 --> 00:21:25,762
Thank you, sir.

413
00:21:25,831 --> 00:21:30,393
He's exhausted from reading that bill.
I got woozy from just carrying it.

414
00:21:30,469 --> 00:21:31,834
Evan, sit down.

415
00:21:31,904 --> 00:21:32,893
Evan, what happened to you?

416
00:21:32,972 --> 00:21:35,270
You can't faint during the Pledge
of Allegiance. It's un-American.

417
00:21:35,341 --> 00:21:36,603
Oh, good. The doctor's here.

418
00:21:36,675 --> 00:21:37,699
Say "ah."

419
00:21:37,776 --> 00:21:39,107
(GASPING)

420
00:21:39,178 --> 00:21:43,239
Just go home, get some rest
and start on that ark. You hear me?

421
00:21:43,315 --> 00:21:44,441
(CHUCKLES)

422
00:21:49,388 --> 00:21:50,446
Evan?

423
00:21:51,624 --> 00:21:54,218
Okay. "God warned Noah that
a great flood was coming.

424
00:21:54,293 --> 00:21:57,319
"Noah built the ark
with his wife and three sons."

425
00:21:57,396 --> 00:21:59,762
RYAN: I want strawberries!
I want strawberries!

426
00:21:59,832 --> 00:22:02,198
Why don't you have some strawberries?

427
00:22:03,235 --> 00:22:06,796
"The ark was 300 cubits long
and 50 cubits high."

428
00:22:06,872 --> 00:22:08,601
Oh, this is insane!

429
00:22:09,241 --> 00:22:10,538
What's insane?

430
00:22:10,609 --> 00:22:11,598
Hmm?

431
00:22:11,677 --> 00:22:12,701
Congressman Long's bill?

432
00:22:12,778 --> 00:22:17,977
Yeah. The bill. That's what I was looking at.
Oh, man, there's a lot of research to do.

433
00:22:18,517 --> 00:22:19,711
(CHUCKLING)

434
00:22:19,785 --> 00:22:22,549
You know, baby, you have every right
to be freaked out.

435
00:22:22,621 --> 00:22:24,987
Freaked out. I'm not freaked out.
Why would I be freaked out?

436
00:22:25,057 --> 00:22:28,083
I'm freaking out.
This house alone is a huge adjustment

437
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:32,153
and you've got a new job,
and new land act bill you're working on.

438
00:22:32,231 --> 00:22:34,495
We're in a new town.
I mean, that's a lot of new.

439
00:22:34,566 --> 00:22:35,897
So, you think I'm just stressed?

440
00:22:35,968 --> 00:22:40,302
Evan, honey, I've known you 20 years.
I know you're stressed.

441
00:22:41,573 --> 00:22:42,562
(SIGHING)

442
00:22:42,675 --> 00:22:45,610
JORDAN: Oh, my gosh! Dylan! Stop it!

443
00:22:45,678 --> 00:22:47,168
Well, that's the sugar kicking in.

444
00:22:47,246 --> 00:22:48,406
Yes, it is.

445
00:22:48,580 --> 00:22:49,740
Thank you, hon.

446
00:22:50,182 --> 00:22:51,206
Eat your ice cream.

447
00:22:51,283 --> 00:22:52,443
I will. Thanks.

448
00:22:53,552 --> 00:22:58,080
She's right. This is crazy.
I'm just stressed and you are gone.

449
00:23:02,995 --> 00:23:05,293
EVAN: Good morning, troops!

450
00:23:05,364 --> 00:23:06,353
Good morning.

451
00:23:06,432 --> 00:23:07,865
Good morning. How are you?

452
00:23:07,933 --> 00:23:08,922
Wow.

453
00:23:09,868 --> 00:23:11,631
Somebody's in a good mood.
I am.

454
00:23:11,704 --> 00:23:13,569
I thought about what you said
and you are right.

455
00:23:13,639 --> 00:23:15,266
I need to get my head on straight.

456
00:23:15,340 --> 00:23:18,275
Guess what? This weekend,
we are going on that hiking trip.

457
00:23:18,343 --> 00:23:19,435
Yeah.

458
00:23:19,511 --> 00:23:20,876
Right here! High five me!

459
00:23:20,946 --> 00:23:22,004
ALL: Righteous!

460
00:23:22,081 --> 00:23:24,481
Righteous. We are going to have
a righteous hiking trip!

461
00:23:24,550 --> 00:23:27,986
Hey, Dad, look, two doves.
That's supposed to be good luck.

462
00:23:28,053 --> 00:23:29,850
Well, today must be my lucky day.

463
00:23:29,922 --> 00:23:31,549
Bye, guys! Bye.
ALL: Bye.

464
00:23:34,993 --> 00:23:36,017
(CATS MEOWING)

465
00:23:36,095 --> 00:23:39,155
Good morning, kitties, keep moving.
It's not your house.

466
00:23:53,679 --> 00:23:56,671
Hey, when you're on my lawn,
keep it in your butt!

467
00:23:57,983 --> 00:23:59,075
(SQUIRRELS CHATTERING)

468
00:24:02,121 --> 00:24:03,110
Oh.

469
00:24:03,689 --> 00:24:04,713
Oh!

470
00:24:04,790 --> 00:24:06,280
Hey, thanks for sharing.

471
00:24:22,841 --> 00:24:23,830
(SQUIRRELS CHATTERING)

472
00:24:51,336 --> 00:24:53,668
(ANIMALS CHATTERING)

473
00:25:02,347 --> 00:25:03,609
(BIRDS COOING)

474
00:25:14,927 --> 00:25:15,916
(EVAN EXCLAIMING)

475
00:25:23,402 --> 00:25:24,596
MARTY: You're right on time.

476
00:25:24,670 --> 00:25:28,071
Long just called. He's on his way with the
powers that be. Who are they, Gene? Talk.

477
00:25:28,140 --> 00:25:30,199
Congressman Jim Dodd,
head of Ways and Means.

478
00:25:30,275 --> 00:25:32,573
But don't worry, sir,
he's definitely not "way mean."

479
00:25:32,644 --> 00:25:34,236
That's speculation.
I don't know him personally...

480
00:25:34,313 --> 00:25:35,507
That's too much, Gene. Who else?

481
00:25:35,581 --> 00:25:37,572
Congressman Richard Stamp,
head of Commerce,

482
00:25:37,649 --> 00:25:39,082
and Bob Hughes is Transportation.

483
00:25:39,151 --> 00:25:40,413
I have a draft of your support letter.

484
00:25:40,485 --> 00:25:42,385
Sounds like a plan.
Are you all right?

485
00:25:42,454 --> 00:25:43,478
I'm good.

486
00:25:43,555 --> 00:25:45,352
You sure you're good? Okay.

487
00:25:47,092 --> 00:25:48,525
Good morning, chief.
Good morning, Rita.

488
00:25:48,594 --> 00:25:49,822
Are you okay?
I'm fine.

489
00:25:49,895 --> 00:25:51,692
You don't look so good.
That's what I said.

490
00:25:51,763 --> 00:25:53,754
You're all jumpy. Are you on that Fen-Phen?

491
00:25:53,832 --> 00:25:55,857
Guys, I'm fine. I'll be inside.

492
00:25:59,137 --> 00:26:00,297
(EXHALING)

493
00:26:05,477 --> 00:26:06,876
(CAWING)

494
00:26:08,447 --> 00:26:10,244
No, no, no, no.

495
00:26:11,216 --> 00:26:15,949
No. Okay. No, no. No. No, no. No.

496
00:26:17,256 --> 00:26:19,781
No, no, no. Oh, my gosh!

497
00:26:20,626 --> 00:26:25,256
Guys! No, no! Get out! Get out! Oh, my hair!

498
00:26:25,764 --> 00:26:27,891
Gentlemen, welcome.
What an honor to have you here.

499
00:26:27,966 --> 00:26:30,332
I'm Marty Stringer.
I'm Congressman Baxter's chief of staff.

500
00:26:30,402 --> 00:26:32,529
This is Rita Daniels, his executive assistant.

501
00:26:32,804 --> 00:26:34,533
RITA: Are you ready, sir?

502
00:26:34,606 --> 00:26:38,702
Just a minute. No, no, no, no.
Dirty, dirty, dirty! Big one!

503
00:26:39,044 --> 00:26:42,241
Baxter's only a freshman, sir, but I think
you'll find he is locked and loaded.

504
00:26:42,314 --> 00:26:45,340
Good. Maybe this young stud can help me
get these old mares on board.

505
00:26:45,417 --> 00:26:46,509
Oh, you'll be impressed.

506
00:26:48,153 --> 00:26:49,142
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

507
00:26:50,756 --> 00:26:53,247
Gentlemen, good to see you.

508
00:26:55,127 --> 00:26:59,029
Do you want to explain yourself,
Congressman? What is going on?

509
00:26:59,298 --> 00:27:01,232
Oh, these

510
00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:02,892
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

511
00:27:02,968 --> 00:27:04,663
are birds.

512
00:27:04,736 --> 00:27:07,296
What are they doing here?
How did they get in here?

513
00:27:07,372 --> 00:27:10,170
Well, that is an excellent question.

514
00:27:10,242 --> 00:27:13,507
And my response to said question is,

515
00:27:13,578 --> 00:27:15,478
they are trained

516
00:27:16,315 --> 00:27:18,510
aviaries, sir.

517
00:27:18,583 --> 00:27:19,572
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

518
00:27:19,651 --> 00:27:22,984
Let me make you see
what I'm talking about.

519
00:27:24,489 --> 00:27:29,825
I can make any sort of movement,
and they will not get off!

520
00:27:29,895 --> 00:27:32,227
Do you have a point, Congressman?

521
00:27:32,297 --> 00:27:33,924
Hey, guys, what's the point?

522
00:27:36,401 --> 00:27:37,595
What's my point?

523
00:27:37,669 --> 00:27:38,931
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

524
00:27:39,004 --> 00:27:40,403
I'll tell you.

525
00:27:40,472 --> 00:27:42,633
The point is

526
00:27:45,010 --> 00:27:47,171
that man

527
00:27:47,946 --> 00:27:51,780
needs to dominate creatures

528
00:27:51,850 --> 00:27:55,115
and, ultimately, man must

529
00:27:56,054 --> 00:27:59,546
dictate what happens in this country.

530
00:28:02,461 --> 00:28:03,450
(SIGHING)

531
00:28:03,528 --> 00:28:04,825
God bless America.

532
00:28:06,031 --> 00:28:07,794
(BIRDS CAWING)

533
00:28:07,866 --> 00:28:09,163
I couldn't agree more.

534
00:28:09,234 --> 00:28:10,758
You have got to be kidding me.

535
00:28:10,836 --> 00:28:11,996
CONGRESSMAN: No, of course not.

536
00:28:12,070 --> 00:28:15,836
We lost a huge project last year
because of the red-headed woodpecker.

537
00:28:15,907 --> 00:28:17,875
Those environmentalists got so up in arms

538
00:28:17,943 --> 00:28:20,810
over the potential disappearance
of one stupid bird...

539
00:28:20,879 --> 00:28:22,278
Yeah, birds are stupid sometimes.

540
00:28:22,347 --> 00:28:25,043
...we lost over $25 million in business.

541
00:28:25,117 --> 00:28:28,211
I see where you're going with this,
Congressman. Good work!

542
00:28:28,286 --> 00:28:31,915
Your little display has obviously
hit a chord. Gentlemen.

543
00:28:32,824 --> 00:28:34,155
(LONG CHUCKLING)

544
00:28:35,727 --> 00:28:41,131
From now on, let's keep the surprises
to a maximum of, say, none. Understood?

545
00:28:41,199 --> 00:28:42,894
Yes, sir. Absolutely, sir.

546
00:28:43,268 --> 00:28:44,997
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

547
00:28:53,078 --> 00:28:56,206
Evan, that was brilliant. Risky, but brilliant.

548
00:28:57,049 --> 00:28:58,038
(MARTY EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT)

549
00:28:58,850 --> 00:28:59,908
What the...

550
00:28:59,985 --> 00:29:05,013
I'll tell you one thing, these birds had
a nice big meal before they flew in here.

551
00:29:05,090 --> 00:29:06,557
You want me to get my BB gun?

552
00:29:06,625 --> 00:29:08,786
You know what I want you to do?
I want you to open the door.

553
00:29:08,860 --> 00:29:09,884
Open the door?

554
00:29:09,961 --> 00:29:11,087
Just open the door!

555
00:29:11,163 --> 00:29:13,427
Close the door after I leave! Just do it!

556
00:29:13,498 --> 00:29:14,522
Okay.

557
00:29:14,599 --> 00:29:17,534
One, two, three!

558
00:29:23,375 --> 00:29:26,833
Man, if I get the bird flu,
he is paying for my medical bills!

559
00:29:27,512 --> 00:29:28,274
(TIRES SCREECHING)

560
00:29:32,884 --> 00:29:34,249
(GASPS)

561
00:29:34,319 --> 00:29:35,308
(TIRES SCREECHING)

562
00:29:36,054 --> 00:29:37,078
(SHEEP BLEATING)

563
00:29:37,155 --> 00:29:39,020
Sheep!

564
00:29:39,091 --> 00:29:40,080
(RACCOONS CHATTERING)

565
00:29:41,093 --> 00:29:42,082
(GASPS)

566
00:29:45,197 --> 00:29:46,186
(HISSING)

567
00:29:47,899 --> 00:29:49,696
Oh, no.

568
00:29:55,874 --> 00:29:57,637
Oh, gosh.

569
00:29:58,443 --> 00:29:59,808
(EXCLAIMING)

570
00:29:59,878 --> 00:30:01,709
Go, go, go! Get out!

571
00:30:04,649 --> 00:30:06,549
(EVAN SCREAMING)

572
00:30:24,436 --> 00:30:25,425
(DONKEY BRAYING)

573
00:30:26,538 --> 00:30:27,562
(COWS MOOING)

574
00:30:27,639 --> 00:30:29,004
Okay. No.

575
00:30:29,207 --> 00:30:30,469
(EVAN EXCLAIMING)

576
00:30:30,542 --> 00:30:33,875
No. No.

577
00:30:35,614 --> 00:30:38,447
I'm not doing this. It's insane!

578
00:30:39,484 --> 00:30:40,678
No!

579
00:30:41,553 --> 00:30:43,316
Enough already!

580
00:30:43,388 --> 00:30:45,879
See, if you had an ark,
you'd have a place to put them all.

581
00:30:45,957 --> 00:30:47,720
Why are you doing this? Why me?

582
00:30:47,792 --> 00:30:48,781
(HORSE WHINNYING)

583
00:30:48,860 --> 00:30:49,849
(SHEEP BLEATING)

584
00:30:49,928 --> 00:30:53,295
It's not time yet. Go on. Go on.

585
00:30:53,932 --> 00:30:55,229
Yeah, go on.

586
00:30:55,300 --> 00:30:58,497
So how about it?
Feel like living on the edge?

587
00:31:05,310 --> 00:31:06,607
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

588
00:31:08,346 --> 00:31:11,941
Beautiful, isn't it?
I remember creating this valley.

589
00:31:12,784 --> 00:31:15,378
Notice how the mountains line up
east to west.

590
00:31:15,453 --> 00:31:17,785
That's so there'd be lots of sunshine.

591
00:31:17,856 --> 00:31:19,323
Where are we?

592
00:31:19,658 --> 00:31:20,750
(CHUCKLING)

593
00:31:20,825 --> 00:31:22,520
Don't recognize it, eh?

594
00:31:22,727 --> 00:31:23,716
No.

595
00:31:24,162 --> 00:31:28,030
This is where you live, son.
This is Prestige Crest.

596
00:31:29,501 --> 00:31:31,867
I wanted you to see the original design.

597
00:31:46,451 --> 00:31:50,046
So, you're really him, aren't you?

598
00:31:50,121 --> 00:31:53,557
You want more proof? I haven't done
the pillar of salt thing in a while.

599
00:31:53,625 --> 00:31:57,220
That's all right. I believe you. I just...
I don't understand why you chose me.

600
00:31:57,295 --> 00:31:59,126
You want to change the world, son.

601
00:32:00,332 --> 00:32:01,765
So do I.

602
00:32:05,136 --> 00:32:08,731
What? Well, why an ark?
I mean, that's like flood territory.

603
00:32:08,807 --> 00:32:13,141
You wouldn't do that again.
You wouldn't do that. Would you do that?

604
00:32:13,211 --> 00:32:15,941
Let's just say that whatever I do,

605
00:32:16,681 --> 00:32:18,672
I do because I love you.

606
00:32:19,317 --> 00:32:23,811
Well, then you have to understand
that this whole building-an-ark thing

607
00:32:23,888 --> 00:32:25,378
is really not part of my plans here.

608
00:32:25,457 --> 00:32:28,358
I need to settle into my house.
I need to make a good impression at work.

609
00:32:28,426 --> 00:32:29,859
(LAUGHING)

610
00:32:29,928 --> 00:32:31,122
What?

611
00:32:31,529 --> 00:32:32,689
Your plans. That's just...

612
00:32:35,867 --> 00:32:37,266
What are you talking...

613
00:32:37,335 --> 00:32:39,803
We're talking about an ark, right?
I mean, an ark?

614
00:32:39,871 --> 00:32:43,363
An ark is huge!
I don't even know where I would begin!

615
00:32:43,775 --> 00:32:45,265
Well, I hear that a lot.

616
00:32:45,343 --> 00:32:48,972
People want to change the world,
don't know how to begin.

617
00:32:52,417 --> 00:32:54,248
You want to know
how to change the world, son?

618
00:32:55,487 --> 00:32:58,115
One act of random kindness at a time.

619
00:33:06,898 --> 00:33:08,229
Build the ark.

620
00:33:08,300 --> 00:33:11,360
I'll tell you what. You build it, I'll fill it.

621
00:33:11,936 --> 00:33:16,805
And if anybody asks,
tell them a flood's coming.

622
00:33:18,576 --> 00:33:21,409
Oh, and you might need this.

623
00:33:25,216 --> 00:33:29,277
Well, okay. Okay, so what do I do?
I grab the wood and...

624
00:33:29,354 --> 00:33:30,844
Well, okay.

625
00:33:30,922 --> 00:33:34,255
You know, that's just cruel.

626
00:33:35,827 --> 00:33:37,317
Do you see him?

627
00:33:38,496 --> 00:33:39,929
I don't see him.

628
00:33:40,765 --> 00:33:44,462
"Building an Ark the Old-Fashioned Way."

629
00:33:46,971 --> 00:33:50,031
"God is the creator of
the Heavens and the Earth.

630
00:33:50,108 --> 00:33:55,011
"He lives in all things and has over
six billion seven hundred million children."

631
00:34:04,155 --> 00:34:05,144
(ALARM RINGING)

632
00:34:15,567 --> 00:34:16,556
(EXCLAIMING)

633
00:34:17,001 --> 00:34:19,731
JOAN: Honey? You okay?
You need something?

634
00:34:21,773 --> 00:34:25,072
No, nothing. Just dropped something.

635
00:34:58,176 --> 00:35:00,110
(EXCLAIMING)

636
00:35:01,279 --> 00:35:02,746
Okay. Okay.

637
00:35:09,754 --> 00:35:11,119
Yeah.

638
00:35:11,189 --> 00:35:14,181
There we go. Okay.

639
00:35:20,131 --> 00:35:21,155
(EXCLAIMS)

640
00:35:21,232 --> 00:35:24,759
Come on. I mean, a beard?
A beard's so dirty.

641
00:35:26,604 --> 00:35:27,628
Gross!

642
00:35:27,705 --> 00:35:29,900
JOAN: packing, so it would really help me
out if you would...

643
00:35:29,974 --> 00:35:31,066
Good morning.

644
00:35:31,142 --> 00:35:32,200
Hey, hey, hey, good morning.

645
00:35:32,277 --> 00:35:33,266
(CHUCKLING)

646
00:35:33,511 --> 00:35:34,603
Wow.

647
00:35:35,013 --> 00:35:37,277
What's with the scruffle, mountain man?

648
00:35:37,348 --> 00:35:42,650
Oh, well, you know, I figured it was
a weekend, and I thought...

649
00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:43,846
JOAN: What?

650
00:35:43,922 --> 00:35:44,911
(MUTTERING)

651
00:35:44,989 --> 00:35:46,217
(BOTH GIGGLING)

652
00:35:46,291 --> 00:35:49,658
Honey, did I miss something?
How long have you been growing that?

653
00:35:49,727 --> 00:35:50,716
(DOOR BELL RINGING)

654
00:35:50,795 --> 00:35:51,955
I'll get the door!

655
00:35:53,131 --> 00:35:54,655
Congratulations!

656
00:35:54,732 --> 00:35:55,994
What are you talking about?

657
00:35:56,067 --> 00:35:58,968
The lots. You bought the lots next door!

658
00:35:59,037 --> 00:36:00,902
Hello!

659
00:36:01,906 --> 00:36:02,895
Oh...

660
00:36:06,811 --> 00:36:11,441
And pulling the down payment out of
your home equity? Very gutsy move.

661
00:36:11,516 --> 00:36:13,711
I didn't do that, did I?

662
00:36:13,885 --> 00:36:16,285
You sure did. So what's your plan?
What are you gonna do?

663
00:36:16,354 --> 00:36:18,515
Turn them for a quick profit?
Build them out on spec?

664
00:36:20,458 --> 00:36:24,121
Who wants champagne? Hip, hip hooray!

665
00:36:24,195 --> 00:36:25,184
(EVE WHOOPING)

666
00:36:27,332 --> 00:36:28,731
You bought eight lots?

667
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:31,234
Yup. I was going to surprise you.

668
00:36:32,570 --> 00:36:35,903
"Surprise, surprise, surprise." Gomer Pyle.

669
00:36:36,574 --> 00:36:37,905
(LAUGHING)

670
00:36:37,976 --> 00:36:40,501
What are you doing?
We can't afford that.

671
00:36:40,578 --> 00:36:42,978
Hey, Mom. John Lennon,
good to see you again.

672
00:36:43,047 --> 00:36:44,639
Good to see you.

673
00:36:44,716 --> 00:36:45,876
(EXHALING)

674
00:36:45,950 --> 00:36:49,545
And eight lots? What are you going to
do with eight lots?

675
00:36:50,288 --> 00:36:53,223
I don't know.
Maybe I'll build a boat.

676
00:36:53,291 --> 00:36:55,122
Did you say "build a boat"?

677
00:36:55,193 --> 00:36:57,024
It might be something fun for the family.

678
00:36:57,095 --> 00:37:00,292
We could take the boat,
go sailing on the lake.

679
00:37:01,332 --> 00:37:03,323
It'd be great in case it floods or something.

680
00:37:03,401 --> 00:37:05,392
What is going on with you?

681
00:37:05,937 --> 00:37:09,634
You bought all those lots
and you're talking about building a boat.

682
00:37:09,707 --> 00:37:11,607
Yeah.
And you grow this crazy beard!

683
00:37:11,676 --> 00:37:13,234
Is this, like, a midlife crisis?

684
00:37:13,311 --> 00:37:14,676
It's not that bad!

685
00:37:14,746 --> 00:37:15,770
It's not?
No.

686
00:37:15,847 --> 00:37:17,678
Why do you think they call it a crisis?

687
00:37:17,749 --> 00:37:18,943
(KIDS CLAMORING)

688
00:37:19,017 --> 00:37:20,882
Hey, keep it down, you guys! Okay?

689
00:37:22,687 --> 00:37:24,120
Oh, my God.

690
00:37:24,188 --> 00:37:25,519
Honey?

691
00:37:25,590 --> 00:37:26,921
Oh, my God.

692
00:37:28,293 --> 00:37:29,351
Honey?

693
00:37:29,427 --> 00:37:30,416
(SNIFFLING)

694
00:37:31,396 --> 00:37:33,421
I know this sounds crazy.

695
00:37:34,499 --> 00:37:36,933
I really think I need to do this.

696
00:37:40,505 --> 00:37:41,733
Okay.

697
00:37:42,507 --> 00:37:44,134
Build your boat.

698
00:37:45,243 --> 00:37:47,643
Just don't take too long, okay?

699
00:37:47,712 --> 00:37:52,945
Because we didn't leave our lives in Buffalo
so you could sail the S.S. Depression.

700
00:37:58,623 --> 00:37:59,612
(THUDDING)

701
00:38:12,437 --> 00:38:13,665
Here we go.

702
00:38:13,871 --> 00:38:17,329
Gentlemen, I'm sure you're all wondering
why I've assembled you here today.

703
00:38:17,408 --> 00:38:20,206
An Argentine lake duck has
a penis as long as its body.

704
00:38:20,278 --> 00:38:22,269
Wow, that's huge. He must be proud.

705
00:38:22,347 --> 00:38:26,545
So, I have come up with a little
construction project for us this weekend.

706
00:38:26,618 --> 00:38:27,744
The whole weekend?

707
00:38:27,819 --> 00:38:29,184
The whole weekend. Yes!

708
00:38:29,454 --> 00:38:31,149
And maybe a couple weekends after that.

709
00:38:31,222 --> 00:38:33,383
I can do this. Help!

710
00:38:33,458 --> 00:38:34,618
(GRUNTING)

711
00:38:34,692 --> 00:38:37,627
How do I stand up with a piece of wood?
Here we go.

712
00:38:38,062 --> 00:38:39,086
(JUST LIKE NO AH'S ARK PLAYING)

713
00:38:39,163 --> 00:38:40,858
Oh, man. Okay, that's good.

714
00:38:40,932 --> 00:38:41,921
(GROANING)

715
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:46,166
Mother! Father! Sister! Brother! Wow!

716
00:38:46,237 --> 00:38:47,829
EVAN: Keep it straight.

717
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:50,029
(GRUNTING)

718
00:38:51,275 --> 00:38:52,970
Hey, Dad, he's back!

719
00:38:53,244 --> 00:38:54,734
Ryan, no, don't do...

720
00:38:54,812 --> 00:38:55,801
Ow!

721
00:38:56,714 --> 00:38:59,683
Leverage it up! Leverage. Okay.

722
00:38:59,751 --> 00:39:01,343
Just put some leverage.
You got to put some body weight.

723
00:39:01,419 --> 00:39:03,478
Ready? One, two, three. Come on.

724
00:39:04,088 --> 00:39:05,077
(WOOD SNAPPING)

725
00:39:05,189 --> 00:39:06,178
(EXCLAIMING)

726
00:39:06,357 --> 00:39:07,415
(THUDDING)

727
00:39:07,492 --> 00:39:09,084
Oh, I'm an idiot.

728
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:12,596
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Congressman.
Why do you have raw beef hands?"

729
00:39:12,664 --> 00:39:14,689
"Well, I'm building an ark."

730
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,126
(GROANING)

731
00:39:17,201 --> 00:39:20,534
I got a boo-boo! I got a boo-boo!
I got a boo-boo!

732
00:39:26,344 --> 00:39:31,213
You ever hear of Home Depot?
Here we go! Here we go! Oh, yeah!

733
00:39:31,349 --> 00:39:32,976
(SCATTING)

734
00:39:33,251 --> 00:39:34,240
(THUDDING)

735
00:39:34,786 --> 00:39:35,775
(GRUNTING)

736
00:39:35,887 --> 00:39:38,447
(GROANING)

737
00:39:41,459 --> 00:39:45,452
All right. So our little Marlboro Man
moment didn't work out so well.

738
00:39:45,530 --> 00:39:48,397
It's a disaster. I don't know
how to build something like this.

739
00:39:48,466 --> 00:39:50,093
That's easy. Just don't.

740
00:39:50,168 --> 00:39:51,897
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

741
00:39:54,505 --> 00:39:55,529
Wow.

742
00:39:55,606 --> 00:39:56,595
(PHONE RINGING)

743
00:39:57,108 --> 00:39:58,473
Hello.

744
00:39:58,543 --> 00:40:01,637
Yes, Marty. Your fearless leader is right here.

745
00:40:02,814 --> 00:40:03,974
Hey, Marty, what's up?

746
00:40:13,424 --> 00:40:15,984
Yes, I'll tell him. Thank you.

747
00:40:19,230 --> 00:40:21,630
I might need security. Thank you.

748
00:40:24,202 --> 00:40:25,499
Can I help you?

749
00:40:25,837 --> 00:40:26,895
Rita, it's me.

750
00:40:27,371 --> 00:40:30,898
Why do you sound like Evan Baxter,
but look like a Bee Gee?

751
00:40:30,975 --> 00:40:32,442
Okay. All right.

752
00:40:32,944 --> 00:40:35,811
Okay, that's great. It's longer.

753
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,713
Oh, my God. It is you.

754
00:40:39,317 --> 00:40:41,410
Evan, what happened?

755
00:40:41,486 --> 00:40:42,646
Did you fall in a mine shaft?

756
00:40:42,720 --> 00:40:43,744
No.

757
00:40:43,821 --> 00:40:44,879
Did you just come out of a coma?

758
00:40:44,956 --> 00:40:45,980
No.

759
00:40:46,057 --> 00:40:48,184
Were you attacked by a werewolf?

760
00:40:48,259 --> 00:40:49,521
No, I wasn't.

761
00:40:49,594 --> 00:40:52,495
Well, if you were going for that rugged look,
you overshot it.

762
00:40:52,563 --> 00:40:54,121
You look like a bum in a suit.

763
00:40:54,198 --> 00:40:56,291
You need Supercuts and a shave.

764
00:40:56,434 --> 00:40:57,731
(EXCLAIMING)

765
00:40:57,802 --> 00:40:59,963
Right! Yeah. But I can't. It doesn't work.

766
00:41:00,037 --> 00:41:01,664
What do you mean, it doesn't work?

767
00:41:01,739 --> 00:41:03,070
It doesn't work!

768
00:41:03,141 --> 00:41:04,802
What? Are you shooting up Rogaine?

769
00:41:04,876 --> 00:41:08,368
Rita, if Evan shows up... I'm sorry, sir.
I'll be with you in just one...

770
00:41:09,313 --> 00:41:11,110
Evan?
Take it in. Take it in.

771
00:41:11,182 --> 00:41:12,979
Okay, yeah, to answer any questions
you may have,

772
00:41:13,050 --> 00:41:15,177
I am going through adult puberty!

773
00:41:15,253 --> 00:41:17,653
This is all temporary.
Why did you bring me down here?

774
00:41:17,722 --> 00:41:18,814
What was so important?

775
00:41:18,890 --> 00:41:20,619
What is so important?

776
00:41:20,691 --> 00:41:23,387
I've got a letter of intent here
about Congressman Long's bill.

777
00:41:23,461 --> 00:41:24,553
You remember that, don't you?

778
00:41:24,629 --> 00:41:27,689
Well, you haven't been here and now
he wants you to sign this in person, Evan!

779
00:41:27,765 --> 00:41:30,029
No, I can't do that. Nope, nope, nope.
Not gonna happen.

780
00:41:30,101 --> 00:41:32,968
No. You can't do that.
Not looking like that. You have to go shave!

781
00:41:33,037 --> 00:41:35,335
I can't shave, Marty.
When I shave, it grows back out.

782
00:41:35,406 --> 00:41:38,341
That happens when you shave!
But then you shave again!

783
00:41:38,409 --> 00:41:39,899
You have no idea.

784
00:41:39,977 --> 00:41:42,969
Evan, what is going on?

785
00:41:43,047 --> 00:41:44,207
I'm...

786
00:41:48,753 --> 00:41:50,516
Building something.

787
00:41:52,023 --> 00:41:53,752
MARTY: You're building something?

788
00:41:53,825 --> 00:41:55,520
Well, I hope it's a barber shop.

789
00:41:55,593 --> 00:41:58,494
Guys, I can't let Long see me
this way, okay?

790
00:41:58,563 --> 00:42:01,760
You're gonna have to tell him I'm sick.
Just cover for me. Just help me out!

791
00:42:02,700 --> 00:42:03,689
(DOOR CLOSING)

792
00:42:04,969 --> 00:42:07,961
Come on, Evan, be reasonable.
You got to get rid of that beard.

793
00:42:08,039 --> 00:42:09,904
I need your face back. I need you back.

794
00:42:09,974 --> 00:42:11,669
Can you at least tell me
what you're building?

795
00:42:11,742 --> 00:42:13,801
I'm building a boat.
You're building a boat?

796
00:42:13,878 --> 00:42:16,540
Look, you got to cover for me.
I don't want anybody to see...

797
00:42:16,614 --> 00:42:18,844
Congressman! There you are!

798
00:42:18,916 --> 00:42:20,884
Congressman Long, I, I, I, I...

799
00:42:20,952 --> 00:42:23,944
Stop stammering, son.
We all play hooky from time to time.

800
00:42:24,021 --> 00:42:27,787
I'm not gonna turn you in to the principal.
Mostly because I am the principal.

801
00:42:27,859 --> 00:42:29,190
(LAUGHING)

802
00:42:29,260 --> 00:42:30,284
Very good.

803
00:42:30,361 --> 00:42:32,795
What's with the veil?
Did you get your new set of braces?

804
00:42:32,864 --> 00:42:36,322
No, no. No. That's hilarious, though.

805
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:39,233
Would you drop that thing, son?
I can't understand a word you're saying.

806
00:42:48,546 --> 00:42:50,411
It's a wife thing, sir.

807
00:42:50,481 --> 00:42:52,278
Just trying to spice up the love life.

808
00:42:53,217 --> 00:42:55,583
She's a big Loggins and Messina fan.

809
00:42:55,653 --> 00:42:57,985
Keeping it fresh. Keeping it real.

810
00:42:58,055 --> 00:43:00,717
Would you excuse us for a moment?

811
00:43:00,791 --> 00:43:03,225
The Congressman and I are going to
have a little chat.

812
00:43:07,198 --> 00:43:08,358
Come on.

813
00:43:08,432 --> 00:43:10,662
Nice, isn't it? Politics is dog-eat-dog,

814
00:43:10,735 --> 00:43:13,329
but if you survive, they give you
a bigger den. Have a seat.

815
00:43:13,404 --> 00:43:17,431
So, tell me, Congressman,
are you freaking out on me or what?

816
00:43:17,508 --> 00:43:18,497
No, sir.

817
00:43:18,576 --> 00:43:21,875
Oh, come on, son. I hand you
your first cosponsorship of a bill,

818
00:43:21,946 --> 00:43:24,244
and when you finally show up
you look like the fifth Beatle.

819
00:43:24,315 --> 00:43:26,647
Now, you expect me to believe
everything is hunky dory?

820
00:43:26,717 --> 00:43:29,515
Well, sir, actually, things have been
a little more dory.

821
00:43:29,587 --> 00:43:33,751
Of course they are. I get it.
You know anything about animals, son?

822
00:43:34,959 --> 00:43:37,951
The Argentine lake duck has a penis
as long as its body.

823
00:43:40,031 --> 00:43:43,899
Although you probably already know that.
Or have heard it. Not experienced it.

824
00:43:43,968 --> 00:43:46,095
You ever heard of the Arctic white wolf?

825
00:43:46,170 --> 00:43:47,194
No, sir.

826
00:43:47,271 --> 00:43:48,329
Top of the food chain.

827
00:43:48,406 --> 00:43:51,136
It's fast, it's smart, can fend for itself,
but it chooses not to.

828
00:43:51,208 --> 00:43:52,766
It chooses to run with a pack.

829
00:43:52,843 --> 00:43:53,901
And do you know why?

830
00:43:53,978 --> 00:43:54,967
No.

831
00:43:55,046 --> 00:43:57,537
The Arctic white wolf,
Congressman, realizes

832
00:43:57,615 --> 00:43:59,378
that it is stronger as part of a group.

833
00:43:59,450 --> 00:44:02,385
Do you know what happens when one of
these wolves decides to fend for itself?

834
00:44:02,453 --> 00:44:05,251
The pack kills the loner
for the greater good of the community.

835
00:44:05,323 --> 00:44:06,984
Ouch, that hurts.

836
00:44:07,058 --> 00:44:10,357
Are you familiar with Jim Jenkins,
the junior congressman from Tennessee?

837
00:44:10,428 --> 00:44:13,829
When I met Congressman Jenkins,
he was fresh off the turnip truck,

838
00:44:13,898 --> 00:44:16,025
but now he's sitting on his own committee.

839
00:44:16,100 --> 00:44:19,263
Congressman Jenkins, Congressman
Whitehall, Congressman Freeman,

840
00:44:19,337 --> 00:44:23,034
they all have committee chairs
because they all run with the pack.

841
00:44:23,107 --> 00:44:25,234
Now, you have to come to a decision.

842
00:44:25,309 --> 00:44:27,539
Are you gonna run with the pack
or are you gonna lone wolf it?

843
00:44:27,611 --> 00:44:29,772
I am a pack man, sir.

844
00:44:29,847 --> 00:44:33,977
Good. I'm introducing the CINPLAN bill
in 2 weeks. C-SPAN is covering it live.

845
00:44:34,051 --> 00:44:36,144
I want your full support and nothing else.

846
00:44:36,220 --> 00:44:37,380
Yes, sir.

847
00:44:38,356 --> 00:44:40,551
Those fish are on you like bait on a hook.

848
00:44:42,493 --> 00:44:44,154
Birds follow you.

849
00:44:45,062 --> 00:44:46,689
Fish follow you.

850
00:44:50,468 --> 00:44:53,596
Let's see if we can get
some congressmen to follow you.

851
00:44:53,671 --> 00:44:55,730
Let's get this bill passed,
shall we, Congressman?

852
00:44:55,806 --> 00:44:56,898
Yes, sir.

853
00:44:59,110 --> 00:45:00,737
Hey, fleabag, out of the way.

854
00:45:00,811 --> 00:45:02,802
Hey, Dad, I think there are more
animals than yesterday.

855
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:05,075
Well, let's not keep
our audience waiting, shall we?

856
00:45:05,349 --> 00:45:06,714
(MOOING)

857
00:45:06,784 --> 00:45:08,081
(SNORTING)

858
00:45:08,152 --> 00:45:12,452
Up, up. Push it up. Push it.
We got it. We got it. Oh, yeah, yeah.

859
00:45:13,257 --> 00:45:15,953
Come on. Just let it go, just let it go.

860
00:45:19,397 --> 00:45:21,831
Dad, we can do this,
but we're gonna need some help.

861
00:45:21,899 --> 00:45:25,164
I know. We just need something
to lift those beams.

862
00:45:25,236 --> 00:45:26,225
(SIGHING)

863
00:45:27,471 --> 00:45:28,938
Like that?

864
00:45:29,006 --> 00:45:30,598
RYAN: Holy moly!

865
00:45:30,674 --> 00:45:31,663
(RYAN CHUCKLING)

866
00:45:31,876 --> 00:45:34,310
RYAN: This is so totally awesome!

867
00:45:34,378 --> 00:45:35,902
JORDAN: This is perfect.

868
00:45:35,980 --> 00:45:37,447
DYLAN: Dad, there's a note.

869
00:45:43,754 --> 00:45:45,346
Let me see that.

870
00:45:47,925 --> 00:45:49,552
How does it work?

871
00:45:57,101 --> 00:45:59,001
RYAN: Dad, this is really weird.

872
00:45:59,070 --> 00:46:01,368
Repeat after me, "We are hamsters!"

873
00:46:01,439 --> 00:46:03,066
BOTH: We are hamsters!

874
00:46:03,140 --> 00:46:04,767
Leg power!

875
00:46:04,842 --> 00:46:06,309
BOTH: Leg power!

876
00:46:07,111 --> 00:46:08,100
And it's in!

877
00:46:08,179 --> 00:46:09,168
(WHOOPING)

878
00:46:09,246 --> 00:46:10,372
That's it.

879
00:46:10,614 --> 00:46:12,343
(REVOLUTION PLAYING)

880
00:46:12,550 --> 00:46:15,519
Hey, who has opposable thumbs? Anybody?

881
00:46:20,257 --> 00:46:23,317
You want to try this one?
Make sure it's straight.

882
00:46:23,394 --> 00:46:24,986
RYAN: This is awesome!
JORDAN: This is so cool.

883
00:46:25,062 --> 00:46:27,053
EVAN: Here we go.
RYAN: Oh, my God!

884
00:46:27,465 --> 00:46:30,696
Yeah. Gotta do the dance.
Come on, let's do the dance.

885
00:46:32,036 --> 00:46:33,901
We're doing the dance.
JORDAN: Dylan, come on. Do the dance.

886
00:46:33,971 --> 00:46:35,734
EVAN: Come on, do the dance.
DYLAN: I'm not doing the dance.

887
00:46:37,141 --> 00:46:38,130
(EXCLAIMS)

888
00:46:38,309 --> 00:46:39,298
Ow!

889
00:46:39,443 --> 00:46:40,432
(CHATTERING)

890
00:46:40,845 --> 00:46:41,937
Don't scratch!

891
00:46:42,012 --> 00:46:43,070
Stop it. Come here.

892
00:46:43,147 --> 00:46:46,674
EVAN: Insult to injury! My!

893
00:46:46,750 --> 00:46:47,739
Good boy.

894
00:46:47,818 --> 00:46:48,807
Okay, guys. A little bit more.

895
00:46:48,886 --> 00:46:51,878
Here we go. I got it. Keep it... That's it!

896
00:46:52,890 --> 00:46:54,118
Beautiful!

897
00:46:54,225 --> 00:46:55,214
(DOG BARKING)

898
00:46:55,926 --> 00:46:57,257
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

899
00:46:59,263 --> 00:47:00,321
EVAN: You guys all right?

900
00:47:00,397 --> 00:47:01,625
BOYS: Yup.

901
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:17,547
(READING)

902
00:47:19,183 --> 00:47:20,275
"G."

903
00:47:32,997 --> 00:47:34,464
(EVAN MUMBLING)

904
00:47:34,532 --> 00:47:37,023
Mmm, mmm, mmm.

905
00:47:39,570 --> 00:47:42,562
Well, I hope this isn't our last supper.

906
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:45,131
(CHUCKLING)
MAN ON TV:
There's no sign of our heat wave breaking,

907
00:47:45,209 --> 00:47:47,404
so this dry, hot weather will continue.

908
00:47:47,478 --> 00:47:50,413
GOD: Until September 22, midday.

909
00:47:50,481 --> 00:47:53,644
If the ark isn't finished by then, you will be.

910
00:47:53,984 --> 00:47:57,317
Is that when it's going to happen?
September 22, midday?

911
00:47:57,388 --> 00:47:59,754
MAN O VER TV: High temperatures tomorrow
back into the 90s everywhere,

912
00:47:59,823 --> 00:48:00,983
right on through Tuesday

913
00:48:01,058 --> 00:48:04,550
and the next seven days,
no showers, no storms.

914
00:48:04,628 --> 00:48:08,826
That would be a good day to have chicken.
How about Mom's chicken? Huh?

915
00:48:08,899 --> 00:48:11,299
Hon, could we have some more chicken
September 22, midday?

916
00:48:13,237 --> 00:48:16,638
Boys, will you excuse us, please?
Your father and I need to have a little talk.

917
00:48:16,707 --> 00:48:18,265
Busted.

918
00:48:18,342 --> 00:48:19,502
RYAN: Dad, you're busted.

919
00:48:19,577 --> 00:48:20,703
Yeah, I know.

920
00:48:22,613 --> 00:48:24,012
What are you doing?

921
00:48:24,081 --> 00:48:25,309
Do we have anything unleavened?

922
00:48:25,382 --> 00:48:28,943
Yeah, we do, it's in the back,
next to the frankincense and myrrh.

923
00:48:29,019 --> 00:48:32,182
We have a fancy name for it in this century,
it's called pita.

924
00:48:32,756 --> 00:48:34,087
Got it.

925
00:48:34,158 --> 00:48:36,092
Evan, what is happening to you?

926
00:48:37,127 --> 00:48:40,494
Don't! No! Just put it down! Look at you.

927
00:48:40,564 --> 00:48:45,968
The hair. Are you on something?
Is it a mega-growth hormone? What?

928
00:48:47,571 --> 00:48:49,232
Evan, talk to me.

929
00:48:52,376 --> 00:48:53,365
(SIGHING)

930
00:48:57,648 --> 00:48:59,479
I'm building an ark.

931
00:49:01,252 --> 00:49:03,049
What does that mean?

932
00:49:04,455 --> 00:49:08,414
God appeared to me
and told me to build an ark.

933
00:49:08,492 --> 00:49:12,428
He said there was going to be a flood
and that I should be prepared.

934
00:49:12,496 --> 00:49:14,987
Whenever I shave,
my beard grows right back out.

935
00:49:15,065 --> 00:49:20,093
My hair grows longer every day.
This robe... God sent me the robe.

936
00:49:20,170 --> 00:49:21,535
He thought it would be funny.

937
00:49:22,539 --> 00:49:27,306
I actually think it's really comfortable.
That's why I'm wearing it.

938
00:49:29,079 --> 00:49:31,570
The beard, the robe.

939
00:49:32,650 --> 00:49:34,083
You're Noah?

940
00:49:35,653 --> 00:49:37,280
Yeah, kind of.

941
00:49:37,354 --> 00:49:38,378
Mom!

942
00:49:38,455 --> 00:49:39,752
Not now, Noah!

943
00:49:41,458 --> 00:49:42,482
Dylan.

944
00:49:42,559 --> 00:49:43,617
Okay.

945
00:49:47,164 --> 00:49:50,656
We left everything behind to come here.

946
00:49:50,734 --> 00:49:54,465
Maybe that's put too much pressure on you.
I don't know.

947
00:49:54,538 --> 00:49:59,032
But this has got to stop.
Please. You're scaring me.

948
00:49:59,109 --> 00:50:03,773
The boys need their father back,
and I need my husband back.

949
00:50:09,453 --> 00:50:10,442
(SIGHING)

950
00:50:13,390 --> 00:50:14,823
(SHARP DRESSED MAN PLAYING)

951
00:50:20,998 --> 00:50:23,967
Yes. Successful. Powerful.
Handsome. Happy.

952
00:50:24,034 --> 00:50:26,867
Successful. Powerful. Handsome. Happy.

953
00:50:36,413 --> 00:50:37,903
Good morning!

954
00:50:42,786 --> 00:50:43,844
Cold today, huh?

955
00:50:44,254 --> 00:50:45,278
Hmm?

956
00:50:47,358 --> 00:50:48,586
(EXCLAIMS)

957
00:50:55,866 --> 00:50:57,094
"Back to work"?

958
00:51:00,671 --> 00:51:06,337
Okay. All right. You want me
to wear the robe? I'll wear the robe.

959
00:51:07,378 --> 00:51:10,677
Two can play this game.

960
00:51:18,455 --> 00:51:19,615
Ha, ha, ha!

961
00:51:21,325 --> 00:51:23,316
Pièce de résistance.

962
00:51:25,262 --> 00:51:27,321
The student has become the teacher.

963
00:51:30,834 --> 00:51:32,096
(HAMMER BANGING)

964
00:51:32,169 --> 00:51:33,636
This meeting will come to order.

965
00:51:33,704 --> 00:51:34,966
Rita, any sign of him?

966
00:51:35,038 --> 00:51:37,336
Marty, I told you,
I will let you know as soon as...

967
00:51:37,408 --> 00:51:40,707
You know what? You got me. He's here.
We're in the middle of a yoga class.

968
00:51:40,778 --> 00:51:42,643
Rita, this is no time for jokes.
I'm not kidding.

969
00:51:42,713 --> 00:51:45,079
If he's not in that meeting,
we're all out of a job.

970
00:51:45,149 --> 00:51:47,310
Wait a minute.
Let me finish my sun salutation.

971
00:51:52,756 --> 00:51:55,020
Marty! Sorry I'm late. Come on, let's go.

972
00:51:56,026 --> 00:51:58,221
What is that?

973
00:51:58,295 --> 00:52:01,924
Making lemonade out of lemons.
Pick up your phone! Come on!

974
00:52:01,999 --> 00:52:05,332
LONG: At its heart,
this bill gives private citizens access

975
00:52:05,402 --> 00:52:07,427
to lands they technically already own.

976
00:52:07,504 --> 00:52:09,131
CONGRESSPERSON:
Will the Chairman yield?

977
00:52:09,206 --> 00:52:10,264
Oh, look, there he is.

978
00:52:10,340 --> 00:52:11,500
Yup, yup, I see him.

979
00:52:11,575 --> 00:52:15,511
Access is just a word you're using
to hide what's really going on here.

980
00:52:15,579 --> 00:52:18,104
This is about development,
short and simple.

981
00:52:18,182 --> 00:52:23,347
Evan, what are you doing?
You have a pony tail on your face!

982
00:52:23,420 --> 00:52:25,786
What you gonna do next?
Cornrow your eyebrows?

983
00:52:25,856 --> 00:52:28,518
Development means
the advancement of jobs,

984
00:52:28,592 --> 00:52:32,221
an increase in domestic commerce.
If you happen to like those things,

985
00:52:32,296 --> 00:52:36,665
I invite you to join myself and
my cosponsors, Congressman Dodd,

986
00:52:38,869 --> 00:52:40,803
Congressman Hughes

987
00:52:42,105 --> 00:52:43,834
and Congressman Baxter.

988
00:52:46,343 --> 00:52:47,776
(PEOPLE GASPING)

989
00:52:48,245 --> 00:52:49,735
(ALL MURMURING)

990
00:52:56,753 --> 00:52:57,742
(GASPING)

991
00:53:02,559 --> 00:53:04,220
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

992
00:53:05,128 --> 00:53:07,153
Did you just do a wardrobe change?

993
00:53:07,231 --> 00:53:10,257
What do you think this is, the Oscars?
You are not Whoopi.

994
00:53:10,334 --> 00:53:11,358
(HAMMER SLAMMING)

995
00:53:11,435 --> 00:53:13,835
LONG: Ladies and gentlemen! Please!

996
00:53:13,904 --> 00:53:14,928
(HAMMER SLAMMING)

997
00:53:15,005 --> 00:53:19,032
Please! Congressman Baxter has a tendency
to embrace the theatrical

998
00:53:19,109 --> 00:53:21,805
in his support of this bill.
Congressman, let me warn you,

999
00:53:21,879 --> 00:53:25,406
you are approximately 10 seconds away
from committee censure.

1000
00:53:25,482 --> 00:53:28,713
Oh, no. Hey, would anyone mind
if I close the window?

1001
00:53:37,327 --> 00:53:38,589
(WOMAN SCREAMING)

1002
00:53:41,031 --> 00:53:42,020
(ROARING)

1003
00:53:42,799 --> 00:53:44,391
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

1004
00:53:44,468 --> 00:53:45,492
(GROWLING)

1005
00:53:56,647 --> 00:53:58,114
(HAMMER SLAMMING)

1006
00:53:58,181 --> 00:54:02,049
LONG: Ladies and gentlemen! Please!
These animals are trained!

1007
00:54:02,486 --> 00:54:04,283
I've seen this circus act before!

1008
00:54:04,354 --> 00:54:07,323
Congressman, I'm sure St. Francis
would be envious.

1009
00:54:07,391 --> 00:54:10,986
We, however, are not.
You have five seconds.

1010
00:54:11,061 --> 00:54:13,894
You march yourself and your
little animal troupe out of here now

1011
00:54:13,964 --> 00:54:15,864
or you will be forcibly removed.

1012
00:54:15,933 --> 00:54:17,867
I'm afraid I can't do that, sir.

1013
00:54:17,935 --> 00:54:19,368
Congressman!

1014
00:54:19,436 --> 00:54:21,631
These animals are not trained.

1015
00:54:21,705 --> 00:54:23,036
Congressman!

1016
00:54:23,941 --> 00:54:25,408
I think they want me to save them!

1017
00:54:25,475 --> 00:54:28,069
Save them from what, Congressman?

1018
00:54:28,211 --> 00:54:31,510
Saving the animals, okay.
I can roll with that. That's a good idea.

1019
00:54:39,289 --> 00:54:40,313
The flood.

1020
00:54:40,724 --> 00:54:43,192
A flood? Rolling out.

1021
00:54:43,694 --> 00:54:45,059
CONGRESSPERSON: The flood.

1022
00:54:45,128 --> 00:54:47,255
This has been the hottest,
driest summer on record

1023
00:54:47,331 --> 00:54:48,992
and you say we're going to have a flood?

1024
00:54:49,066 --> 00:54:50,328
When might we expect this?

1025
00:54:50,400 --> 00:54:52,561
September 22, midday.

1026
00:54:52,636 --> 00:54:53,625
(CROWD CHATTERING)

1027
00:54:56,473 --> 00:54:57,940
That's what I was told.

1028
00:54:58,008 --> 00:55:00,033
Might I ask who told you?

1029
00:55:06,917 --> 00:55:10,751
Not in front of all those people.
Don't say it. Don't say it.

1030
00:55:15,826 --> 00:55:17,157
God.

1031
00:55:17,794 --> 00:55:18,783
(SOBBING)

1032
00:55:21,965 --> 00:55:24,729
God? You talk to God?

1033
00:55:25,402 --> 00:55:26,664
Yes.

1034
00:55:26,737 --> 00:55:27,931
LONG: And God is talking back?

1035
00:55:29,539 --> 00:55:31,734
Yeah. We hung out a little.

1036
00:55:31,808 --> 00:55:34,106
Well, time to update the résumé.

1037
00:55:34,177 --> 00:55:36,577
Congressman, your name is being
removed from this bill.

1038
00:55:36,647 --> 00:55:40,083
Obviously, the stresses of this office
have proven too much for you.

1039
00:55:40,150 --> 00:55:41,549
Please have the congressman removed.

1040
00:55:41,618 --> 00:55:43,449
No. Please! You don't understand!

1041
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:46,318
God commanded me to build an ark!

1042
00:55:46,390 --> 00:55:48,984
It's going to rain!
There's going to be a flood!

1043
00:55:50,427 --> 00:55:51,917
Remove him now!

1044
00:55:51,995 --> 00:55:54,429
We have to prepare ourselves!

1045
00:55:54,498 --> 00:55:57,194
I need to finish the ark!

1046
00:55:57,267 --> 00:55:58,325
(HAMMER SLAMMING)

1047
00:55:58,402 --> 00:55:59,994
Remove him now!

1048
00:56:07,010 --> 00:56:08,910
Does this mean we're moving back home?

1049
00:56:09,913 --> 00:56:12,677
Home, Canada. One or the other.

1050
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:28,063
Joan? I know you probably saw
what happened, but I can explain.

1051
00:56:32,302 --> 00:56:34,896
Take the stuff to the car, guys.
I'll be there in a minute.

1052
00:56:37,941 --> 00:56:39,067
Guys?

1053
00:56:40,744 --> 00:56:41,733
(DOOR OPENING)

1054
00:56:42,646 --> 00:56:47,709
I'm gonna take them to my mother's.
Evan, I think you need help.

1055
00:56:48,285 --> 00:56:53,086
Joan, please. I'm not doing this.
It's not me. It's him.

1056
00:56:53,156 --> 00:56:56,489
I went to that meeting in a suit,
and he took it off of me.

1057
00:56:56,560 --> 00:57:00,326
Those animals are following me
because of him.

1058
00:57:00,397 --> 00:57:04,026
God? Does God know
he's destroying our lives?

1059
00:57:04,101 --> 00:57:06,661
Does God know he's going to get you fired?

1060
00:57:06,737 --> 00:57:08,500
Yeah! He's trying to get me fired!

1061
00:57:09,306 --> 00:57:12,434
He is trying to get me fired!

1062
00:57:12,509 --> 00:57:14,704
That way I'll have more time
to work on the ark!

1063
00:57:14,778 --> 00:57:17,269
Because the rain and the floods are coming.

1064
00:57:17,347 --> 00:57:20,783
No, I heard you, Evan.
The whole world heard you.

1065
00:57:20,851 --> 00:57:23,513
Joan, please, you gotta believe me.

1066
00:57:23,587 --> 00:57:24,747
(DRIZZLING)

1067
00:57:25,956 --> 00:57:30,757
There it is! It's happening!
It's happening! It's raining!

1068
00:57:48,278 --> 00:57:49,404
Goodbye, Evan.

1069
00:57:51,381 --> 00:57:52,370
(ENGINE STARTING)

1070
00:57:53,083 --> 00:57:54,209
Joan!

1071
00:58:02,993 --> 00:58:07,555
I know! I know. Whatever you do,
you do because you love me!

1072
00:58:15,338 --> 00:58:18,171
Do me a favor. Love me less.

1073
00:58:19,543 --> 00:58:20,601
REPORTER: Congressman!

1074
00:58:20,677 --> 00:58:23,646
WOMAN: Are you concerned at all
about Congressman Baxter's tirade

1075
00:58:23,713 --> 00:58:25,374
and the adverse effects
it may have on your bill?

1076
00:58:25,448 --> 00:58:29,248
The day it rains and floods and
Congressman Baxter takes a ride on his ark,

1077
00:58:29,319 --> 00:58:31,310
that'll be the day
I'll be concerned. Thank you.

1078
00:58:31,388 --> 00:58:33,856
(WAITING ON THE WORLD
TO CHANGE PLAYING)

1079
00:58:35,292 --> 00:58:36,316
(BLEATING)

1080
00:58:36,393 --> 00:58:40,762
His name is Evan Baxter,
but now he goes by "New York's Noah,"

1081
00:58:40,831 --> 00:58:44,494
"Heaven's Evan,"
"The Weirdo with a Beardo."

1082
00:58:49,472 --> 00:58:53,169
Okay, guys. Watch it. Watch it.
Coming through. Watch your back.

1083
00:58:54,711 --> 00:58:58,477
Marty, will you comment on Congressman
Baxter's change of appearance?

1084
00:58:58,748 --> 00:59:02,616
Yes, his hair is long.
Yes, his beard is unshaven.

1085
00:59:02,686 --> 00:59:04,881
Are you equally stunned
by this man's appearance?

1086
00:59:11,294 --> 00:59:12,488
The way things go around here,

1087
00:59:12,562 --> 00:59:15,360
if he gets any crazier,
we may end up in the White House.

1088
00:59:15,699 --> 00:59:21,262
(REPORTER SPEAKING SPANISH)

1089
00:59:21,671 --> 00:59:24,367
Hey! No, no, no! That's my cup!

1090
00:59:25,909 --> 00:59:27,240
Whatever.

1091
00:59:48,031 --> 00:59:51,523
He's filling the boat with
two of every kind of animal.

1092
00:59:51,601 --> 00:59:55,059
Still to be collected,
two giraffes, two elephants

1093
00:59:56,006 --> 00:59:57,667
and one more jackass.

1094
01:00:00,944 --> 01:00:02,002
What an idiot.

1095
01:00:02,078 --> 01:00:03,545
He's a mook.

1096
01:00:03,613 --> 01:00:04,807
Jerks.

1097
01:00:05,782 --> 01:00:08,410
Don't worry about it, you guys.
Come on, eat up.

1098
01:00:08,485 --> 01:00:09,509
Not hungry.

1099
01:00:09,586 --> 01:00:10,746
Yeah, me neither.

1100
01:00:10,820 --> 01:00:13,118
You guys can't eat. I can't stop.

1101
01:00:13,189 --> 01:00:15,123
Can I go to the bathroom?
Me, too?

1102
01:00:15,191 --> 01:00:17,819
Okay. Dylan, go with them. Please?

1103
01:00:17,894 --> 01:00:19,088
Fine.

1104
01:00:21,798 --> 01:00:23,789
Excuse me. Can I get a refill, please?

1105
01:00:24,567 --> 01:00:25,659
Coming right up.

1106
01:00:26,503 --> 01:00:27,527
Thank you.

1107
01:00:27,604 --> 01:00:29,333
Excuse me. Are you all right?

1108
01:00:30,240 --> 01:00:31,264
Yeah.

1109
01:00:33,009 --> 01:00:35,341
No. It's a long story.

1110
01:00:35,412 --> 01:00:36,572
Well, I like stories.

1111
01:00:37,347 --> 01:00:40,373
I'm considered a bit of a storyteller myself.

1112
01:00:41,418 --> 01:00:44,012
My husband...
Have you heard of "New York's Noah"?

1113
01:00:46,156 --> 01:00:47,851
The guy who's building the ark.

1114
01:00:47,924 --> 01:00:49,255
That's him.

1115
01:00:49,326 --> 01:00:52,454
I love that story, Noah and the Ark.

1116
01:00:52,529 --> 01:00:54,121
You know, a lot of people miss
the point of that story.

1117
01:00:54,197 --> 01:00:56,256
They think it's about God's wrath and anger.

1118
01:00:57,100 --> 01:00:58,897
They love it when God gets angry.

1119
01:00:58,969 --> 01:01:01,437
What is the story about, then? The ark?

1120
01:01:01,504 --> 01:01:06,908
Well, I think it's a love story
about believing in each other.

1121
01:01:06,977 --> 01:01:12,677
You know, the animals showed up in pairs.
They stood by each other, side by side,

1122
01:01:12,749 --> 01:01:17,049
just like Noah and his family.
Everybody entered the ark side by side.

1123
01:01:18,154 --> 01:01:21,021
But my husband says God told him to do it.

1124
01:01:22,826 --> 01:01:24,418
What do you do with that?

1125
01:01:24,494 --> 01:01:26,325
Sounds like an opportunity.

1126
01:01:29,299 --> 01:01:30,630
Let me ask you something.

1127
01:01:31,668 --> 01:01:34,831
If someone prays for patience,
you think God gives them patience?

1128
01:01:35,472 --> 01:01:38,771
Or does he give them
the opportunity to be patient?

1129
01:01:40,477 --> 01:01:42,502
If they pray for courage,
does God give them courage,

1130
01:01:42,579 --> 01:01:45,207
or does he give them opportunities
to be courageous?

1131
01:01:47,384 --> 01:01:49,784
If someone prayed
for their family to be closer,

1132
01:01:50,987 --> 01:01:53,979
you think God zaps them
with warm, fuzzy feelings?

1133
01:01:54,791 --> 01:01:57,259
Or does he give them opportunities
to love each other?

1134
01:01:59,162 --> 01:02:00,356
(GASPS QUIETLY)

1135
01:02:00,430 --> 01:02:04,526
Well, I got to run.
A lot of people to serve. Enjoy.

1136
01:02:11,508 --> 01:02:14,568
JON: Guess this comes as no surprise to
those who remember his campaign promise,

1137
01:02:14,644 --> 01:02:16,407
"I will lower taxes,

1138
01:02:16,846 --> 01:02:19,076
"go crazy and build a gigantic ark."

1139
01:02:19,149 --> 01:02:19,979
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

1140
01:02:27,090 --> 01:02:29,081
JOAN: Oh, my gosh.

1141
01:02:33,696 --> 01:02:34,754
JOAN: Evan!

1142
01:02:34,831 --> 01:02:35,957
Dad?

1143
01:02:36,032 --> 01:02:37,124
Honey!

1144
01:02:37,200 --> 01:02:38,189
Dad?

1145
01:02:38,268 --> 01:02:40,031
You guys, I'm up here.

1146
01:02:55,752 --> 01:02:56,741
(LAUGHING)

1147
01:02:57,187 --> 01:02:59,212
Rough week?
JORDAN: You look really funny.

1148
01:02:59,289 --> 01:03:00,551
You look really old.

1149
01:03:00,623 --> 01:03:02,147
Yeah, well, he is really old.

1150
01:03:04,360 --> 01:03:05,554
Why'd you come back?

1151
01:03:05,628 --> 01:03:06,754
It was the kids.

1152
01:03:06,830 --> 01:03:07,922
Tell him, guys.

1153
01:03:07,997 --> 01:03:09,988
We like you better as the crazy guy.

1154
01:03:10,066 --> 01:03:12,432
You spend time with us
and you're home a lot more.

1155
01:03:12,502 --> 01:03:15,130
Just, please don't make us do
the dance anymore.

1156
01:03:32,589 --> 01:03:33,578
(SIGHING)

1157
01:03:36,726 --> 01:03:41,186
I don't know what's going on,
or what you're going through,

1158
01:03:41,965 --> 01:03:43,762
but we got into this as a family

1159
01:03:44,901 --> 01:03:47,631
and we're gonna get out of it as a family,

1160
01:03:48,538 --> 01:03:50,165
side by side.

1161
01:03:57,614 --> 01:04:01,015
But, Evan, we have to talk about the ark.
It has to come down.

1162
01:04:01,084 --> 01:04:02,415
I can't do that.

1163
01:04:02,485 --> 01:04:03,975
You don't have a choice.

1164
01:04:04,354 --> 01:04:07,881
JOAN: Congressman Long went to the city.
There's a laundry list of code violations.

1165
01:04:07,957 --> 01:04:10,391
You have until September 22
to take it down,

1166
01:04:10,460 --> 01:04:12,360
or they'll take it down and arrest you.

1167
01:04:12,428 --> 01:04:14,453
September 22. That's the day of the flood.

1168
01:04:14,531 --> 01:04:15,998
Mom! Dad! Come here!

1169
01:04:22,338 --> 01:04:24,602
(ANIMALS CALLING)

1170
01:04:41,090 --> 01:04:43,558
Don't you dare take that ark down.

1171
01:04:46,162 --> 01:04:48,027
How are we gonna do this?

1172
01:04:48,097 --> 01:04:50,361
There's no way the five
of us can finish on time.

1173
01:04:50,433 --> 01:04:52,492
We don't have money to hire anybody else.

1174
01:04:52,569 --> 01:04:53,797
(ALPACA CRYING)

1175
01:04:57,607 --> 01:04:59,575
Is that a llama with a hammer?

1176
01:04:59,642 --> 01:05:03,134
An alpaca. They rarely spit at people
unless frightened or abused.

1177
01:05:05,582 --> 01:05:06,879
Let's finish this sucker.

1178
01:05:08,952 --> 01:05:09,941
(READ Y FOR A MIRACLE PLAYING)

1179
01:05:11,020 --> 01:05:12,044
(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)

1180
01:05:12,121 --> 01:05:13,281
Come on, let's go.

1181
01:05:13,356 --> 01:05:14,755
WOMAN: No one knows
where they came from

1182
01:05:14,824 --> 01:05:16,655
or how the congressman
is getting them to do it,

1183
01:05:16,726 --> 01:05:22,665
but, two by two, animals of all kinds
are working with Godspeed to build this ark.

1184
01:05:22,732 --> 01:05:24,222
Thank you.

1185
01:05:24,300 --> 01:05:27,497
If this flood really does happen,
"Evan help us."

1186
01:05:29,138 --> 01:05:30,605
Hey! A little help?

1187
01:05:34,644 --> 01:05:35,668
Thanks.

1188
01:05:37,080 --> 01:05:38,138
JOAN: Here it is, hon.

1189
01:05:38,381 --> 01:05:39,370
(MONKEY GIBBERING)

1190
01:05:39,449 --> 01:05:42,111
Perfect. Thanks.

1191
01:05:46,122 --> 01:05:47,612
Hold it right there.

1192
01:05:47,690 --> 01:05:51,285
This is Ed Carson coming to you
live from New York Noah's construction site,

1193
01:05:51,361 --> 01:05:56,458
where we are unable to leave the news van
due to hazardous conditions outside.

1194
01:05:59,602 --> 01:06:00,591
High five.
High five.

1195
01:06:00,670 --> 01:06:01,659
Good job.

1196
01:06:02,338 --> 01:06:04,033
Hey, putty tat.

1197
01:06:06,342 --> 01:06:08,003
(SHRIEKING)

1198
01:06:08,077 --> 01:06:10,910
Go, go, go! He tried to eat me!

1199
01:06:11,214 --> 01:06:13,944
Dylan! Jordan! Check it out!
Your mom's building an ark!

1200
01:06:14,017 --> 01:06:15,348
Let's do the dance.

1201
01:06:15,418 --> 01:06:17,409
JOAN: No, please, no.

1202
01:06:19,022 --> 01:06:20,046
(HONKING)

1203
01:06:20,123 --> 01:06:22,057
WOMAN 1: Well, where did
the animals come from, then?

1204
01:06:22,125 --> 01:06:23,251
WOMAN 2: Please. It's a trick.

1205
01:06:23,326 --> 01:06:24,725
WOMAN 3: It's a circus is what it is.

1206
01:06:24,794 --> 01:06:27,888
Wild animals running amok
in suburban Virginia.

1207
01:06:27,964 --> 01:06:31,627
With all these species,
what's being done about the feces?

1208
01:06:37,774 --> 01:06:43,076
Evan Baxter! You have gone from newsman
to congressman to caveman.

1209
01:06:43,146 --> 01:06:45,614
What makes you so sure God chose you?

1210
01:06:46,883 --> 01:06:48,646
He chose all of us.

1211
01:06:58,061 --> 01:06:59,926
Time to wash up, you guys.

1212
01:07:06,536 --> 01:07:07,730
Thanks.

1213
01:07:11,140 --> 01:07:12,664
You want some?

1214
01:07:32,895 --> 01:07:36,023
RITA: Why couldn't the man
just buy a Corvette?

1215
01:07:36,099 --> 01:07:40,331
Well, well, well. There they are.
It is good to see you guys.

1216
01:07:40,403 --> 01:07:45,466
It's good to see you! Your hair looks great.
It's very regal. Man, I love your hair!

1217
01:07:45,541 --> 01:07:46,974
And you're still sucking up.

1218
01:07:47,043 --> 01:07:48,067
So, why are you here?

1219
01:07:48,144 --> 01:07:49,236
Long locked us out.

1220
01:07:49,312 --> 01:07:50,336
He can't do that.

1221
01:07:50,413 --> 01:07:52,643
I mean, I've been suspended,
but I'm still a congressman.

1222
01:07:52,715 --> 01:07:53,875
Rita, tell him what you know.

1223
01:07:53,950 --> 01:07:54,939
Tell me what?

1224
01:07:55,017 --> 01:07:57,815
I smelled a rat the second we got that office.

1225
01:07:57,887 --> 01:07:59,980
You don't get an office
like that for nothing.

1226
01:08:00,056 --> 01:08:03,184
So I had the stalker here do some research.

1227
01:08:03,259 --> 01:08:04,453
Okay, Eugene, talk.

1228
01:08:04,861 --> 01:08:06,624
Prestige Crest used to be federal lands,

1229
01:08:06,696 --> 01:08:09,597
but what's interesting is
how it got into private hands.

1230
01:08:09,665 --> 01:08:12,031
Congressman Long got the approval
to build a dam

1231
01:08:12,101 --> 01:08:15,036
and then passed out the surrounding lands
to a group of private investors.

1232
01:08:15,104 --> 01:08:16,435
Now, the locals fought this thing for years.

1233
01:08:16,506 --> 01:08:18,770
They said Long and his developer buddies
were cutting corners,

1234
01:08:18,841 --> 01:08:21,105
like skipping important
building code checkpoints.

1235
01:08:21,177 --> 01:08:24,271
And with the land use bill, he's gonna do
the same thing with the national parks.

1236
01:08:24,347 --> 01:08:28,044
So, you stand by and shake your pom-poms
while Long and his buddies get rich.

1237
01:08:28,117 --> 01:08:30,244
What can we do? I'm suspended.

1238
01:08:30,319 --> 01:08:33,755
Go back to the Hill and show them
that you can and will fight this bill.

1239
01:08:33,823 --> 01:08:36,792
You guys, I'm sorry. I can't do that.
I have to get back to the ark.

1240
01:08:36,859 --> 01:08:38,554
The ark? All right. Okay.

1241
01:08:38,628 --> 01:08:40,562
God told you to build an ark?
Yes.

1242
01:08:40,630 --> 01:08:43,656
But did he tell you to make your friends
believe in you and follow you here

1243
01:08:43,733 --> 01:08:46,861
so you can make us look stupid?
'Cause I go to church every Sunday.

1244
01:08:48,037 --> 01:08:49,299
Okay, every other Sunday.

1245
01:08:50,373 --> 01:08:53,831
I've been to church!
And that does not sound like God to me.

1246
01:08:53,910 --> 01:08:56,310
Rita, I know that this
doesn't make any sense.

1247
01:08:56,379 --> 01:08:59,075
I just want you to trust me.
You just have to have faith.

1248
01:08:59,148 --> 01:09:03,778
Evan, faith will not fight this bill.
The CINPLAN vote is today!

1249
01:09:03,853 --> 01:09:07,584
If we're going to stop this thing,
you need to get down to Capitol Hill now!

1250
01:09:07,657 --> 01:09:09,022
Otherwise, it's impossible!

1251
01:09:09,091 --> 01:09:11,924
Dad, Dad, I think it's done.

1252
01:10:10,520 --> 01:10:14,752
What in the world?
I can't even get my cat to use the litter box.

1253
01:10:56,165 --> 01:11:00,602
It's September 22, and we're all still here.

1254
01:11:00,670 --> 01:11:01,967
Awkward!

1255
01:11:02,271 --> 01:11:05,672
People! The flood is imminent!

1256
01:11:05,741 --> 01:11:09,336
Board the ark! Save yourselves!

1257
01:11:09,412 --> 01:11:10,845
MAN: Get down, you fool!

1258
01:11:11,347 --> 01:11:15,306
Listen to me! The time has come!

1259
01:11:15,384 --> 01:11:19,480
No, Captain Ahab! Your time has come!

1260
01:11:19,555 --> 01:11:20,715
(ALL LAUGHING)

1261
01:11:20,790 --> 01:11:25,523
Yeah, Baxter! The weather's 70 and sunny
with a chance of crazy!

1262
01:11:25,595 --> 01:11:27,028
(ALL GIGGLING)

1263
01:11:28,731 --> 01:11:30,824
(RUMBLING)

1264
01:11:30,900 --> 01:11:35,132
Do you hear that? The rains are upon us!

1265
01:11:35,204 --> 01:11:36,967
Dad, I don't think that's the rains.

1266
01:11:38,274 --> 01:11:39,434
(SIREN BLARING)

1267
01:11:41,377 --> 01:11:44,005
MAN: Hey, Baxter! Kiss your ark goodbye!

1268
01:11:56,459 --> 01:11:57,483
Where is he?

1269
01:11:57,560 --> 01:11:58,584
On the boat, sir.

1270
01:11:59,629 --> 01:12:01,756
Give me a minute.
Lets see if I can convince "Noah"

1271
01:12:01,831 --> 01:12:03,594
that the world doesn't have to end today.

1272
01:12:07,703 --> 01:12:10,729
I gotta hand it to you,
this is quite the show.

1273
01:12:10,806 --> 01:12:13,832
According to my source,
the show hasn't even started yet.

1274
01:12:13,909 --> 01:12:15,604
Still expecting the big flood.

1275
01:12:15,678 --> 01:12:17,942
You know, voters don't respond
to the gloom and doom stuff.

1276
01:12:18,014 --> 01:12:19,481
They like a more positive message.

1277
01:12:19,548 --> 01:12:21,175
Like the one you're sending with your bill?

1278
01:12:21,250 --> 01:12:23,218
How much did you make off of all this land?

1279
01:12:23,285 --> 01:12:26,584
You are destroying
our national parks for profit.

1280
01:12:26,656 --> 01:12:28,521
You have a problem with somebody
taking a little profit?

1281
01:12:28,591 --> 01:12:30,149
It's called business, son.

1282
01:12:30,226 --> 01:12:32,717
So if I need to get a message out there,
or get a congressman elected

1283
01:12:32,795 --> 01:12:36,856
there are people who pay for it, and yes,
those people want this bill to happen

1284
01:12:36,932 --> 01:12:40,390
and, by God, it's gonna happen.
Now you look down there.

1285
01:12:41,537 --> 01:12:43,300
Those are the wolves, son.

1286
01:12:43,372 --> 01:12:46,500
I'm gonna give you one last chance.
Take down this boat.

1287
01:12:46,575 --> 01:12:50,306
I'm giving you one last chance. Repent.

1288
01:12:51,580 --> 01:12:55,516
Such a shame. You had possibilities.

1289
01:12:55,584 --> 01:12:59,452
But you want to stop progress
to save the Earth. Go for it.

1290
01:12:59,522 --> 01:13:01,752
Good luck getting a tree
to come to the polls.

1291
01:13:07,430 --> 01:13:08,920
Take it down.

1292
01:13:16,238 --> 01:13:19,469
This is a court order approving
the demolition of this boat!

1293
01:13:19,542 --> 01:13:22,534
Evacuate immediately!
You have three minutes!

1294
01:13:25,214 --> 01:13:29,412
Honey. We have to go.
They're going to destroy the boat.

1295
01