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Ladies and gentlemen!

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Eddie Murphy!

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Thank you. Thank you so much.
Two times, far two times.

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Before I even get started how about
 a big round of applause for the Bus Boys.

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There's some rules, I got some rules when I show
down and I do my standup, I got rules and shit.

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Faggots aren't allowed to look
at my ass while I'm on stage!

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That's why I keep moving while I'm up here.

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You don't know where the faggot section is, 
you gotta keep movin'.

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So if they do see it, quick, you switch,
they don't get no long stares at your shit...

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...so that their imagination is flowing about my...

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I know when you're looking,
'cos my ass starts to get hot.

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I'm afraid of gay people. Petrified.
I have nightmares about gay people.

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I have this nightmare that I go to Hollywood
and find out that Mr. T is a faggot.

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Really, and he'd be walking up to people going:
"Hey, boy! Hey, boy!"

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"You look mighty cute in them jeans!"

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"Now come on over here,
and fuck me up the ass!"

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"I'm gonna bend over now!"

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"Hey, boy, slow down! You're gonna miss 
the round, and come too fast!"

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"You make me get get mad I clench up
my buttcheeks and rip your dick of!"

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You know who would be a funny faggot?
Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton!

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Ralph Kra ...